Daughter of the KING

Sophia's testimony!

2012-02-10T09:58:00.003-05:00

Can you believe the title of this blog, Sophia's testimony, wow.

Monday, February 6, I was doing my normal work around the house when Sophia came to me in tears. I dropped what I was doing because she seemed really bothered by something. She promptly told me she didn't want to go to heaven. I asked her why she was thinking that way and she said she didn't want to leave me. So I pulled her on my lap and kissed her and told her I was going to heaven someday. Well, that opened a can of questions that she was firing at me as fast as I could answer them. She was searching for sure. So I tried to answer her questions as best as possible. She was 'ok' and went on to playing.

Later, she came back to me and asked me again if she could take her toys to heaven with her. When I said no, we dont take our things to heaven, she started crying and said she was never ever going. I felt we were going uphill now. I told her when Randy got home we would talk with him and he could help us explain things.

I had made lasagna for dinner and so while we were eating, I asked her if she wanted to talk to daddy. She immediately got tears in her eyes and asked him if he was going to heaven. Randy put down his fork and immediately went to her side and talked to her. We both could tell after answering her questions she wasn't getting it and she needed more time.

I went to workout with friends and Randy stayed home to do bathtime and put the kids to bed. I got home from my workout and Randy told me I needed to go talk to her, she was waiting up for me.

I got down by her bed and she said "Mommy, I asked Jesus to be my Savior tonight". We talked about it for a minute and I told her I loved her and I was so happy for her and she went to sleep.

Can a 4 year old truly know Jesus as her savior? Yes, I believe so. She said she didn't want to sin anymore and she wanted to go to heaven someday with me. She was answering the the questions and being so sincere about it.

I'll type more about it later as I need to get off the computer..... but can you tell, I'm ecstatic about this?!?! So proud of her for coming to this all on her own.

Whirlwind January

2012-02-08T08:36:00.002-05:00

Did you ever have something that happened, that a week or more (or a month) after it all happened you wondered what exactly happened? That was my month of January!

Right around Elliots birthday I was feeling 'off' and like I could be pregnant. I knew it was a possibility but I doubted it was actually true. Monday, January 16, we were out and about shopping and I told Randy I needed to buy a pregnancy test. He agreed (based on my mood and how irrational I was) and so we bought a test.

Tuesday morning, January 17th, I woke early and took the test, and to my shock, I was pregnant. I really didn't want to believe it. We weren't trying to have a baby right now, didn't really want to add to our family just yet. We were ok with another baby, just not this year. The emotions were strong for a few days letting the shock sink in. I had to deal with the guilt of not wanting a baby, THIS baby, and get over it and get excited for the new addition.

A week later, January 24, the nightmare began. I started spotting, which within an hour turned into pretty heavy bleeding. I was having a miscarriage. I had a miscarriage once before so I knew what I was dealing with.

So now, I am dealing with the guilt that I never really wanted this baby to begin with, and then this awful thing happened. I know it was out of my control if we miscarried or not, but getting to that point is hard.

Within a week of it all happening I had a baby shower I was invited to. Last place I wanted to be is at a baby shower watching a mom to be open cute little gifts for a sweet little bundle of joy coming soon to her life. But I went. I refuse to be the women that you can't talk to about pregnancies and babies too just because I had a miscarriage. It wasn't this other moms fault, so why should I not celebrate her joy?

Not many people knew about the pregnancy, which is good and bad. Its good that not many people are asking me how I'm doing all the time. Its bad because I get the comments on when I'm going to have another baby and it just breaks my heart all over again.

Through it all, I can say though, God is good. I don't know the reasoning why it happened, and I may never know for a long time, but I do know God is good. I will someday meet my little one in heaven and I look forward to that meeting! All I can think of, the one we lost 4 years ago was wanting a sibling and God gave him one.

Another Wednesday!

2012-01-18T15:05:00.002-05:00

Yeah, I haven't posted in a week, and its Wednesday again, which means "Whats up Wednesday" is back!

Middle of the week, where I unwind my mind and just 'vent' out whats going on from the past week.

I may not be able to come up with 10, I may be able to, who knows. I wont know until I start.

10. Gymnastics tonight, I'm dreading taking Elliot. He doesn't listen and dosen't want to be part of his class. I am taking Andrew with me. It may be a complete fail of a night. We will have to see.

9. Still love my van.

8. We went to my parents house for a surprise 40 year anniversary. It was a huge hit. yes it was a lot of driving in a two day period but it was all worth it. The kids had fun, there was no drama with the adults, and Randy was able to go with me. Al in all it was an awesome few days.

7. I smashed my pinkie finger today. My own anger got the best of me. Most dont know me as an angry person, but I do have a temper and a short fuse sometimes. I am working on it as I see it coming out more and more.

6. As I type, my children are all playing with cars on the floor road map. Its so cute to see even Andrew loving it.

5. Elliot is still struggling with the potty. I don't get it as he was doing great for so long.

4. Andrew is in a dumping phase, if there is a bucket or container with things in it he will dump it. He just dumped two containers in the last 30 seconds and completely walked away from it all.

3. After spending time with my parents and family it makes me long to live near them all again. I feel so out in left field when things happen because its always work for us to get home. I'm stuck in a tough spot though because I love it here and love our church family. One thing is missing though, my family. I keep praying God changes my desires, but so far I still want to be there. I am content here, and I am really happy. I just see my children with their cousins and it makes me sad they dont have that on a regular basis.

2. Andrew is now walking around with a bucket on his head. Oh boy he is funny.

1. I'm so ready to be out of debt. We are working towards it. With our tax return this year we are going to use it very wisely and better ourselves. That way, we will free up some money to make double payments on other things to pay off as much as possible as soon as possible.

Wow, I got to 10. Not surprised. I like to talk. I will do better at updating more often. I know I say that a lot. But I mean it. Its good to get feelings out and 'talk' about them.

Goodbye for now.

Whats up Wednesday

2012-01-11T13:45:00.003-05:00

I want to try daily themed posts. I'm awful at posting and I want to get better at it. For my faithful readers, lol, all three of you.

Each Wednesday I will try to post 10 random things going on in my life, things on my mind, and updates on previous events. Enjoy!

10. We bought a new van a few weeks ago, like 11 days ago to be exact, and I love it. Its what I've wanted since this newer body style came out. Randy is so good to me.

9. The kids started gymnastics. I realize its probably not going to produce Olympic gold medalists, but they sure are cute jumping around in the gym.

8. Elliot is going to be 3 in a few days and I'm in denial. He isn't a baby or a toddler anymore, he is a little boy now. He is rough and tumbly (also good reason for gymnastics) and sweet and loving all at the same time.

7. I watch a few kids in home and some have called me crazy. As if three kids weren't enough, I open my house, heart, and life to two other little ones. One I've watched for 4 years, one for about 6 months. I really do love these little ones like my own.

6. I am helping with the 'big auction' at Sophia's school and the grand raffle prize is either $5,000 or a trip for two to Vegas. As the trip sounds wonderful and all, I would gladly take the 5k. Pay off a few credit cards and maybe do some shopping. I do need a new wardrobe!

5. I want another baby. Not going to lie about it. I just know if we wait a few months by the time the baby is born, we will be closer to Elliot being in preschool, closer to financial freedom, and closer to only have one in diapers at a time. Good reasons to wait I suppose.

4. Elliot has this new thing where he pees in buckets, any bucket really. Its funny, but not appropriate! Gotta kick that habit, soon!

3. This 'spring like' weather is making me long for spring for real! I heard birds this afternoon when I went to get the mail. Not fair. As its only Jan 11th!

2. My children are growing way to fast and I dont want to miss a minute of it! I feel guilty for not enjoying my time with them more.

1. I bought a new stroller today, on a whim, yikes. Its one I've wanted for awhile, so not completely an impulse buy, but close. Its a sit n stand, but not the traditional one. All the reviews on it were good. I know Randy supports my decisions, but spending money always scares him. I really feel it will be our stroller for a few more years. Small than a double, but still has room for two children. I have two double strollers, a side by side and a front to back. Both have pros and cons. The one I just bought should be a good compromise to both. The best part, the color is orange! Toys r us was having a big sale today with free shipping, so I got it for 50% off and free shipping.

Well, that's all. Now I need to clean up my living room and enjoy the afternoon with my kiddos before their gymnastics class tonight!

Whats up Friday

2011-12-09T13:23:00.002-05:00

I want to start to do this post on fridays, to unload the week that just past and look forward to the week ahead.

1. I feel my patience is being tested daily with Elliot. He used to be so sweet and not naughty but lately, I want to pull my hair out. In September he gave up the diaper, almost cold turkey. Since then he's had very few accidents. We went away for thanksgiving and since then he's struggled. Today he flat out peed his pants. I think that was the last straw as I put a diaper on him and put him down for a nap. I realize a diaper may not be the right direction, but I"m so tired of this. I know he knows better at this point.... ugh!

2. Sophia is thriving in school. She has lots of friends and even a few boys that she palls around with. I'm not surprised as I have watched a little boy a few months younger than her since they were 9 and 4 months old. No surprise she plays with boys in school.

3. A girl who went to college with me is in surgery right now (as I type) to remove a stage 4 brain tumor. I have no words to express how this is making me feel. I feel so badly for her two young boys and her husband. I know Gods hands are on her body right now and only HE can heal her.

4. I"m excited to have another baby... someday.... not sure when though.

5. I had a crummy head cold this week. Took me down for a few days. What stinks being sick as a mom, you dont get 'sick days'. If I didn't do the laundry, it wouldn't be done.

6. Fridays are our library days. Pretty fun group of kids that my children love to be around.

7. I offered to help with Sophia's schools big event, the auction. Its going to be way more work than I thought or even expected. I'm a tad overwhelmed at it actually. They originally asked me to run it.... I had no idea what I was getting myself into at the time I said 'yes' THen I found out it would be more than I could handle. I am still helping with it. But still overwhelmed at it all.

8. I so want a vacation, a true vacation, where money wasn't an option. sigh maybe someday.

God is in the small things

2011-12-01T20:43:00.002-05:00

Ever wonder if God cares about you? If he cares about the tiny details of your life that you struggle with on a daily basis?

I was reading the other night in Exodus (yes, true story) and I was blown away by the detail God went into with Moses on how to sacrifce an animal. I mean, the tiny details were there. I was almost grossed out by the amount of detail to be honest.

I asked Randy about it, because I was amazed at the detail written down, that God wanted to be recorded and took the time to share with Moses. Well, his explanation was simple. God cares about the tiny details.

I had a rough day today, I let my bitter attitude win over and control me. Sometimes, things are just hard for me. Today was definately one of those days.

But in the future, I really hope to remember what I read the other night. And remember that God cares about the small things, the things that weigh us down without really meaning it too. The things that we dont want to 'bother' God with. But if He could go into such detail to Moses, then I truly believe He cares about the small details of your (my) life.

My testimony..... its kind of long!

2011-11-16T13:39:00.004-05:00

I was recently asked to give my testimoney at ladies bible study. I had about 10 days to prep for it. In that ten days, I thought about what I was going to share. I made notes in my mind of what I wanted to say and what I didnt want to say. I thought long and hard about it, prayed over it and just had to 'wing' it when it came time. There was more I wanted to say but didn't want to take more time than I already was taking. So I thought I would share here, for those who read my blog, to read my 'story' and maybe be encouraged from it.

I was born and raised into a christian family. I can remember going to church from my very earliest memories. To me, it was my lifestyle, not a choice, or an option. My parents went, so I went. When I was 12, I remember one sunday a man came to my moms sunday school class and called her into the hallway, she came back into the room crying. She wasn't just crying, she was sobbing. She grabbed her things and told me it was time to go. I didn't understand what was going on... I was very young and naive. I only learned the truth of the whole story not that long ago actually. Regardless, we were no longer attending that church after that sunday.

Talk about throwing my world upside down. I didn't want a different church. THAT was my church. My parents started attending a new church the following week. I went because they told me it wasn't an option, but I had to go. So I did, but I didn't want to. For a few months I went but never participated in the songs or even acted like I wanted to be there. That summer, I was at church camp and God got ahold of my heart. Basically, I realized church and christianity had to be MY choice and not what my parents wanted from me. I left that week with a new desire to be there, to grow my relationship with Jesus Christ, and to make some awesome christian friends.

From age 12-18 I attended this church, and the youth group where I went on as many events as I could, as many trips as I could and joined as many bible studies as I could. I had an awesome small group with friends I could trust and share with.

The summer after I graduated high school I had a whirlwind relationship with a friend. I thought I could marry him, and was ready to just settle for him. I was really wrestling with what to do with my life. To go to college, then what college to go to, and so many other things. This man would not have been a bad husband, I'm sure of it, but I just didn't feel like I was ready to make that decision. So I ended the relationship and cruised through my school year.

That year was another downward spiral for me. I let my ability to run influence my every decision and stopped going to church. My roommate kept asking me and I kept making excuses to why I wasn't going. After falling short of qualifying for nationals, I realized something had to change in my life. The first three weeks of summer break, I was a nanny for a family going through the hardest thing in life, losing a parent. God used that three weeks in my life to show me so much about myself. During those three weeks, I didn't go for a run, or workout at all. I realized I didn't need that to be center of my life anymore.

That was also the summer I met Randy. I wasn't looking for a relationship. I knew I should step back from dating and try to focus on myself and my relationship with God. Randy and I wrote letters, phone calls, and emails back and forth as we lived a few states away. I knew early on we were going to be married but wasn't sure how soon that would be. When my dad finally gave us our blessing, we began to plan our wedding.

We were married June 25, 2005, and I moved to Michigan to join him in his ministry that he was working in. I have to be honest and say, I was so lonely. We lived there for about a year before we found out we were pregnant with Sophia. I was an assitant preschool teacher and I loved my job, but that was about it. I was excited about being a mom but I was lonely. The teacher I worked with was a good friend, but I felt guilty for not enjoying church more.

In mid October, Randy called and asked what I thought about Clare. My first thoughts were "I"m not moving" and then after about a day I decided we should pray about it. That same week, we took a drive to Clare and checked out the town. Needless to say, we were packing up and moving Mid March. Sophia was due the first week of April. We moved none to soon thats for sure.

ok, so if you are still reading, you are thinking, nothing extremely fabulous here, just a boring story. Well, this past year, 2011 was very hard for me. I found myself stuck in a rutt if you will, couldn't shake the blues and just couldn't make myself happy. I was trying to make people and things make me happy. If I just had 'this' or 'that' I would be happy. Well, that wasn't working. Randy couldn't make me happy. Its been a year of tears and sadly, some anger.

I realized no one person or thing could make me happy. God was the only one who could fill that in my life. On Sweetest Day this year, Randy bought me a new iphone. I didn't think much of it... but was playing with it and have started reading the bible through in a year. I have read every single day since. I actually like reading and enjoy reading it. Shamefully, I haven't been this excited to read my bible everyday in a while. I know, thats so sad, being a pastors wife especially. Well, thats the truth.

So, thats where I am at. Things are finally looking up and up as I get my focus off myself and more on Christ and all He has done for me. I also joined a ladies bible study and that has been great. We are studying who God is and how wonderful He is. The study has come at the most perfect timing too.

If you are feeling down and out of it today, and need/want to talk about my relationship wtih Christ because you dont know what that is, please dont hesitate to call me! I would love to chat with you on how you too can build that wonderful relationship. People will fail you, but God will never fail you!

Sardines

2011-11-04T13:00:00.003-04:00

Do you know the game of sardines? Where one person goes and hides and the rest of the group looks, and when they find the person 'it' they hide with them.

My children are champions of this game let me tell you. I was just talking on the phone (something that happens very rarely b/c of this reason) I kept getting up and walking to a new room, to get some quietness to talk to my sweet friend. Well, they found me every single time. I went to the bathroom, found, the bedroom, found me there too. Went to the kitchen table (yes I know obvious spot) surprise surprise, they found me there too. Finally I went to the playrom and they yet again followed me. It isn't like they follow me and just play, they follow me and want to talk and ask me for things. I need to teach them when I am on the phone to let me be for a few minutes unless someone is in danger.

Dont get me wrong, I adore my children and cherish the time with them. But a few minutes on the phone is not going to hurt them to play and let me talk.

Anyway, my children may just grow up to be profesionally sardine players. haha!

Oh, and people DO read my blog I found out today ;)

A question to ponder

2011-11-03T11:07:00.004-04:00

So, a few days ago my son turned 1. It was a bittersweet day for me as my baby was no longer a 'baby' and now is a 1 year old. But what I found more sad than that, the lack of communication between people I used to talk to alot.

I changed my facebook profile picture to a picture of me from last year when I was ready to pop (literally). I had people comment on my picture, asking if I was pregnant again. One friend even thought she missed my entire pregnancy and thought I was currently that pregnant again.

I'm not upset at these people, but it just goes to show how much we dont communicate anymore. We rely on 1-2 lines on a 'facebook status' or a 'tweet' to get our information instead of talking to these 'friends'. How many friends are on your facebook? I have 338 and I can guarantee more than half I dont talk to in real life ever. I once did talk to them either in school or are family, but not on a regular basis.

I'm not saying to ditch facebook because it does bring a level of value when you can stay in contact with alot of people. But, when you stop caring about a person and simply use facebook to judge how they are doing in life, then we have a problem.

So, go through your friends on facebook and look at each name and ask yourself, how is that person doing? Make an effort to reach out to more people, beyond facebook.

My day with Elliot

2011-10-12T10:20:00.008-04:00

Lately, I've been busy with little ones and with running Sophia to school and picking her up I feel like my son Elliot has been lost in the shuffle. I love him and I give him attention and love on him but I feel like the one on one time is few and far between. Andrew is still very much a baby and still needs me and Sophia gets my attention going to school and back. Yesterday however, was all about Elliot.

I did have a little one here, but she took a few hour nap in the afternoon so while the babies napped, I let Elliot 'be in charge'.

First, we went to the mailbox to get the mail.

Then we had to check out the pumpkins on the front steps.

Then we had to do some jumps in the driveway.

Of course we had to play soccer. And let me tell you, this boy sure loves to run and kick the ball! I've watched him and he is fast and can keep the ball (mostly) under control!

Then I raked leaves. He didn't really want to jump in them, but he wanted to ride his quad through them!

He then rode his quad around the house a few more times. He kept going hard ways, up the hill, around the big tree, in and out of a small patch of trees. He is such a boy!

AFter we spent time outside we went in and watched a little bit of a movie. Then of course we went back outside and waited for Sophia to come home from school.

I never regret having my children close in age. I just know how important it is to make each one feel special by giving them individual time. I had a blast with Elliot. I look forward to the next time we have like this.

July 7, 2003

2011-07-08T09:08:00.004-04:00

July 7, 2003 started off like any other monday morning. Woke up, got dressed, ate breakfast and headed off to Slippery Rock Baptist Camp. I had a few things running through my head as I picked up my cousin on my way. We had a conversation on being content and waiting on God. Not just for finding our mates in life but in life in general. We pulled into the camp and about 10 minutes later a big blue van started pulling in. Usually when ministry teams joined us for a week of camp they through off the flow of our regular staff. This team was supposed to come later in the summer but due to a cancellation, Pastor Dave invited this team to join us for an extra week.

After seeing some of the team members get out of the van, my friend Julia and I decided to go greet them. There were thre girls and three guys. Two of the guys had blonde curly hair, the other had blonde hair but had a hat on. We introduced ourselves to him but he was very distracted. Oh well, we tried to be nice.

Later in staff meeting Pastor Dave told the girls on the team to find me and I would give them a brief run down on where their cabins were and what to expect this week. The leader of the team, then came and found me after to also talk to me about the same things.

The leader of the team, Randy Emmorey. Small world right? Randy doesn't remember meeting me either of those two times, but later is his first memory of me.

I was walking looking for a staff shirt and to find someone to add an extra bunk in my bed due to the number of campers I had. I kept walking past where he was standing and he kept trying to get my attention. Saying things like "How am I going to remember your name if you keep changing your shirt" I didn't have the rigth staff shirt for the day and so they kept giving me a different one and I kept changing. He was right, I kept changing my shirt and he was having a hard time remembering what I had on. He tells people, the cut off jean shorts, white t shirt and the red flip flops was forever engrained into his mind of what I was wearing the first time he met me.

So, that day, 8 year ago, played a huge role in my life. I didn't expect God to bring my husband to me the same day I let go of the reigns. Very thankful that I was willing to trust someone coming through on a summer ministry team.

July 7, 2003, isn't the date we got engaged, or the day we got married, but it was the day that changed my life forever by meeting my husband.

Mama said there'd be days like this....

2011-06-29T09:36:00.003-04:00

So, I had a post all ready to go, took me a good half an hour to write due to stopping to deal with children and then when I hit publish... poof ... gone.

My couch has become a playground. Its an oversized couch, with pillows as the back instead of built in cushions. My children like to remove all the cushions and play on the couch. Problem is, I find cars and other small toys wedged in there. There is even a rip in the top of the couch that I have found cars wedged in there as well, thank you Elliot. I have asked for a new couch over and over again, something nicer, maybe leather, that isn't a big eyesore to our living room. THen I think about it and dont want my children to ruin a couch we spent any amount of money on. The couch /loveseat we have were given to us. They match each other and match the room (sorta) so I shouldn't complain right?

They all like to sit on the back of the couch too and use the window sill as a ledge to run cars on. Or to watch the neighbors come and go.

Another favorite activity is to throw all the pillows (there are 9) on the floor and then jump off the top of the couch onto the floor. Not a favorite activity of mine for sure, but you know it happens.

Who needs a swingset when we have an old beat up couch?

What my weeks look like.

2011-04-15T18:54:00.002-04:00

Its friday night, I'm home with the kids because Randy is at a funeral. It was supposed to be over at 7, the dinner to follow then he was coming right home. Its been a long week. I'm ready to put the kids to bed and take a long hot shower. I can't remember the last time I've been able to shower without being walked in or or interupted for whatever reason.

Mondays are Randys day off. We try to spend it as a family if possible.

Tuesdays normally stink b/c the kids are in daddy withdrawal.

Wednesday are rough as well because Randy goes to work and comes home for dinner but has to leave again for church.

Thursday we are just pushign to the weekend.

Fridays, I'm exhausted. The kids are ready for their daddy to be home for the weekend and so am I.

Saturdays we spend as a family. We try to guard that day to be a true family day.

Sundays are always hectic with church and trying to get up and out the door. Randy leaves earlier and so I'm the one getting the kids fed and ready and to church ontime. We mostly make it by 915 every week. Sunday nights he invites the youth over almost every week, so I clean the house up during the afternoon.

Is it all worth it? Every bit of it. I love my life and what I do. There are days I wish I could just take a nap and a shower but for the most part, I really love it.

Just stop and think

2011-03-27T20:41:00.004-04:00

Somedays I wish I had a job outside the home. I wish I got up, got my kids ready, dropped them off at daycare and went to work. Then picked them up later and heard all about their day but never got to live it.

Really? Not really. I know there are days that are hard, but would I trade it for a 9-5 job? No way.

I can't even go the bathroom without a follower. Showers, no way, I always get interupted by my children. I wake up in the morning to one or two of my children standing next to my side of the bed asking if its time to wake up yet. I sit down to eat my lunch and I hear one of my children ask for a drink or a snack. I clean up lunch and one of them will say "I"m stil hungry"

There are so many moments in my day that I want to throw in the towel.

But on the flip side....

The random I love yous, and the random hugs, and hearing my children play together all make me know I'm doing the right thing. I wouldn't trade what I do for anything. These days are going to go by fast enough. I dont want to miss a day of it.

Sophia, Elliot, and Andrew are three awesome kids. I wasn't sure we could handle one, then I wasn't sure we could handle two, then the third came along. I'm not sure we'll have anymore, but I do know the three I have I am enjoying!

4 years later...

2011-03-17T14:22:00.003-04:00

So let me back up about 4.5 years ago. We were living in a cute little house about 45 minutes away from where we are now. I was working at a preschool and I loved it. I had a great lead teacher I worked with. I was on the way home when I saw Randy had called, a few times, and left a message. So I called him back just as soon as I could and he said "What do you think about Clare?" My first response, "Who's Claire?" He laughed and said, "No no the town of Clare" I never realy thought of it much other than driving past to go to the mall in Midland. Well the conversation turned serious when he said he was considering taking a pastor position at a church.

Randy was a senior pastor at a church and it was going, but not the best fit for us. In my opinion, the church needed an older pastor, with more experience. Randy was 26 at the time and had a lot on his plate. ( I was only 23 with a baby on the way )

SO I said no way, Absolutely not was I moving when I was pregnant and starting over. No. Then later that day, I said, well maybe we should pray over it. Thats exactly what we did. In our excitement, we took a drive to Clare to check out the town. It was definately something that interested us.

Needless to say, we started the process, met with the pastor and the board at the church. I got bigger and bigger with our baby and we got more excited about this possibility.

Well, we made the decision and got ready to move. At first, Randy was driving to work everyday and leaving me at home. Well that wasn't working, so we decided to find a place to rent and move to Clare. Yup, the moving day came, March 17, the day of the irish festival in town. We packed up our house the night before and moved the next day. I was 37 weeks pregnant and uncomfortable.

Well, its been 4 years and so many changes! We not only had one baby, we had 3 babies! Our house is bursting at the seams with creativity and love. I couldn't be happier in our situation now.

A not so brief update on us.

2011-03-14T11:27:00.002-04:00

I always think I'm going to stay up with my blog, and then a week or two will pass and I'll remember I wanted to post more. So much for that.

I wanted to update about my children, since they grow and change every single day.

Sophia:

Sophia is a constant battle. She is so strong willed and independent. I love her to pieces and everything about her, but there are days when she is overwhelming. I am trying to do a little preschool activity at home with her but I'm not sure I'm a good teacher for her. I feel as though there are days I have no patience with her. She is very smart and her imagination grows every day. We are planning a birthday party for her in less than 2 weeks. I can't believe my baby will be 4 years old soon. Just doesn't seem possible. The day I took the pregnancy test with her feels like yesterday and now its been 4 years. I feel as though God has blessed me with her!

Elliot:

What can I say about Elliot. He is starting to talk more, which is a huge relief. I was a little worried/concerned about his lack of speech. But all the sudden, like so many said would happen, he is just bursting with words. He is very attached to his dad and cries daily when Randy goes to leave. My heart aches everyday when Randy has to leave because I know it will break Elliots heart. Yesterday in church, the nursery worker was wearing a sweater just like the one I was wearing that day, he went over to her, touched her arm and said "my mama". The worker couldn't figure out what he was saying or what he meant by that until she saw me and put the pieces together. Makes me worry less about his speech when I hear things like that. He is getting it =) He is very busy and likes to help as well. When I clean, he cleans. I give him a wet rag and he goes along with me and helps.

Andrew:

Andrew is now 4.5 months old. He is not sleeping through the night like my other two were at this point but I'm ok with it. I know how fast it goes and I can sleep later. He is also very much a mamas boy. He will sometimes take a long nap for me, but somedays he gets woken up by life happenings in the house. He is content to lay on the floor and watch what goes on around him. He is by far my most snuggly baby and I love that about him. Overall, I would say he is my most easy going baby out of the three.

Randy and I:

Randy and I are doing fine. There are days that are better than others. But we always seem to talk and work things out. Marriage is something you have to work at every single day. Its not easy but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I seem to cry daily over things I can't change or for sheer exhaustion. But God is good, and God is faithful and he hears our crys and our prayers.

Single parenthood--not for me!

2011-02-18T20:13:00.004-05:00

There is one thing in this life I dont want... to be a single parent. I dont think I could do it. I know God will always provide and if I'm in that situation I would be ok, but wowsers!

Randy and I haven't seen each other much the past few weeks. Between working, substitute teaching and working out, I feel like I see him 8 hours a day and 7 of them are spent sleeping.

Yesterday, I had to do some errands and he was busy all day. So that meant I had to take the kids with me... all three of them. It wasn't *that* bad but it was sure not the easiest thing I've ever done.

I had to get a birth certificate for Andrew. Got to the county building, got Andrew in the stroller and Sophia and Ellito out of the van, walked up to the building to see stairs inside the door. Went back to the van, ditched the stroller and put my muscles on.... lugged Andrew up the stairs with Sophia and Elliot in tow. Got to the window, realized I didn't ahve the money, so back out to the van we went. Down the steps, outside, got the money back inside up the steps and back to the lady. Whew. Got the birth certificate no problem. Back to the van.

Next stop. Elliots flu shot.

Already uneasy about giving him the second dose of the flu shot anyway but we already gave him the first so now we have to give him the second. I prayed there would be a close parking spot and there was! It was a new and expectant mommy spot... I think I qualify for that! Get the stroller out again, this time I knew I could use it! Get the kids to the building and up to the doctors office. OF course the waiting room is packed and all I could think about was the sick babies that my kids were around. yuck! Flu shot took all of 1 minute and then we had to wait 15 minutes in the waiting room. Got finished with that and back out to the van we went.

Now, I see this car parking in the new and expectant mommy spot, and out gets two older men.... neither was an expectant mom or a new mom. I wanted to say something but refrained. They both seemed annoyed that I was trying to get out of the building as they were trying to come in.... oh my.

By the time we finally got home I was exhausted. Two stops and it wore me out!

Our upcoming vacation

2011-02-16T13:04:00.003-05:00

My children are growing to fast. Sophia just came up to me and asked me how many days till she can go to preschool because she is so excited to go and learn. I'm not sure how she got so big. I pick her up and she seems so long and lean that she hardly fits to be held. Then there is Elliot who is a bruiser. He likes to play and be rough but there are times he likes to curl up on my lap and snuggle. Andrew is still little, so seeing his personality is hard yet. But I have a feeling he'll be rough and tough like Elliot but also caring and loving.

I am a planner, and like to have things all figured out. (yet I can wait to find out if I'm having a boy or girl till the baby is born). We are going on vacation on monday and I"m already so stressed about it. Getting through the airport with three kids, getting on the plan, the flight, then fitting into the car once we are in FL. All things that have me stressed. I want to go and I know we'll have a fun time but its just a lot to get there! My mother in law is so kind and caring and has gotten things ready for us and is highly anticipating us coming. She hasn't met Andrew yet so I know she can't wait. He'll be almost 4 months old before she meets him for the first time!

We are packing light and planning to do laundry. I have a luandry basket full of clothes and plan to cut it in half even still! Only taking one suitcase for the five of us and then a back pack, the diaper bag, and the camera bag. PLUS a double stroller, a single umbrella stroller and then two car seats that will be checked with the suitcase as well as the infant carrier. Sounds like a lot of stuff. Yes, it is, but we truly are packing light! They need car seats, so thats a given, and then the stroller is a given as well. When you have small children, the stuff adds up fast. The older they get the less stuff they need! Not ready for those days but looking forward to traveling light!

Just a couple more days till we leave. I think we are leaving sunday night instead of getting up super early on monday to leave in time to catch our 830 flight. Getting a cheap hotel the night before and then still getting up early but not as early to drive the 3 hours the night before.

Vacations are always fun but for me stressful!

Another day in paradise

2011-02-11T17:09:00.002-05:00

Have you ever had one of those days where you hit the floor running. Today, was one of them.

Randy had a substitute teaching job so he was up early, so was Sophia and she kindly went and woke Elliot up.... all was up at 630 this morning. I used to be a morning person, but I remember when I would wake early, I never had to deal with people. Today, I had to deal with people. Oh my. The day just took off from there.

I got a few loads of laundry folded, and put away, which is always good. Not much needed to get done with that. Then I cleaned up the kitchen and even wiped everything down.... nice to have that done. I checked the clock, it was only 10 AM. The day was dragging on!

Fed the kids an early lunch, tator tots and chicken nuggets, always a big hit around the house. They all went down for naps easily which was a blessing.

I was actually able to sit and read for a few minutes which turned into an hour and almost 50 pages later. Whew, it was nice. I can't remember the last night I sat and read a book for fun. Its been a while.

What I'm trying to say in my ramble of a post.... I wouldn't trade these days for anything. They may be crazy moments at that, but its love for sure. My children are so precious to me and so wonderful. Despite how many times I walk into the kitchen to find Elliot sitting on the counter.... yup had a few of those today as well.

All in all, it was just another day in paradise!

Christian Education

2011-02-07T15:46:00.003-05:00

Randy and I are soon to be facing a big milestone in Sophia's life. School. This fall she is going to preschool. Just not sure where. There are two christian schools within 40 minutes. Not ideal, but the one we have a few friends who could car pool with and it wouldn't be as bad of a drive. There are also the public schools. I'm not against public school at all, but I really feel burdened to at least look into the christian school world and see if its an option for us.

The cost shouldnt' be an issue but being a pastor, we would recieve a discount. I think Sophia would do fine in either setting but I dont want her to be influenced negatively like she would be at public school. Could she be wrongly influenced at a christian school, yes. But I pray that wont happen.

So here are the options.

Carpooling with a few other friends tues-friday for preschool. OR driving 2 miles to the local free preschool. You would think the second option is what I am leaning towards but I'm not. I know the teacher at the christian school. She is a close friend of mine and I know she would always be honest with me about my daughters education and her progress. I dont know the other teachers at the free preschool. I love the idea of her getting the christian school education.

So much to think and pray about! As a parent, I want to do the very very best for my children. Always.

They mean so much to me and I value their education. Not just to learn but to be taught the Bible as well.

My first Zumba

2011-02-03T20:41:00.003-05:00

Two posts in one day.... for real....crazy.

I have been working out with ladies from church on tuesday/thursday nights. Tonight we tried zumba for the first time. Wow. Its a lot of dance moves and well, I'm not a dancer. I'm not coordinated at all. This is why I ran track, making left turns every 100 meters.

It was fun though and I smiled and laughed a lot. I felt like I got a workout! My sides were aching and cramping (which means it was a good workout!) No one was great at the moves, excpet for the leader, and thats what made it fun =)

I remember in college we would try to dance and be goofy in the dorms.... I was never good at it and would just laugh. I went to high school dances and never danced, ever. I just couldn't do it.

So lets just say, zumba isn't my favorite, but I got out of the house without my children and got to be around other ladies. I call it a succesful night!

Andrew Tyler Emmorey

2011-02-03T15:43:00.004-05:00

I would like to introduce you... to my wonderful son... Andrew Tyler.

When we found out we were expecing again, I was so scared. Was I going to be able to handle three children all 3 and under? Well, I wasn't sure, but I was going to find out.

The pregnancy went great. No big hiccups. I started to get wildy uncomfortable at the end and was worried I was having another big baby. At my 38 week appointment, my doctor offered to induce me. I was so torn on the taking the offer. I watned to go on my own but was anxious about it. I knew it would be easier to have the children already with my friends and not worry about going into labor on my own and rushing around. So after some prayer, we decided to go ahead and be induced. I was disappointed in myself but I live with no regrets.

We went trick or treating as a family on October 31, 2010, came home, had a snack and waited. Randy had a meeting that when he was done with, we would drop the kids off at the Grosss' house and then head to the hospital. I was to arrive around 9 PM.

The doctor on call wondered why we didn't start in the morning, but my doctor wanted to start me the night before. The doctor did an u/s to make sure head was down and estimated about a 6-7 lb baby. He inserted the cervadil and I waited.

I sat there and wondered if this was the right thing or not. Contractions were not intense or anything. Randy was able to fall asleep and I know I closed my eyes, I never truly fell asleep all night. The night nurse was wonderful and re-assured me that being induced was ok.

Around 6 AM the contractions started. I remember waking Randy up and telling him they were picking up some. By 630 I could definately tell I was in labor. The doctor came in around 7 and checked me and I was only between a 2-3 CM. Very discouraging to be feeling so many contractions and not be very progressed. He said they were going to send me home to clear a bed for another induction, but since my contractions picked up on their own they would keep me. Praise the Lord! He said he would be back in an hour to break my water.

I was excited for that hour, so we went and walked laps around the OB floor. At 8:30 the doctor came back in and broke my water. Around 9 I was really wanting to shower and be on my feet, so I got in the shower and Randy went home for a few minutes to take care of a few bills and to get a shower himself. By 930 I was back in my bed and the contractions were picking up. The nurse came in and said the contractions were showing up every 1-1.5 minutes. I could tell! I quickly called Randy and told him to hurry that things were progressing and I needed him back ASAP. He got back around 10 and never left my side again.

I was slowly progressing but the pain was intense. At 10:30 I was maybe a 4 but I was asking for drugs. The nurse gave me half dose of nubain and that was wonderful. I was in an out of la-la land for an hour. I was so loopy but the pain was at least bearable. When that dose was wearing off Randy asked the nurse for another dose. She checked me but I dont remember where I was at that point. At 11:30 I got a second dose of nubain. That dose didn't do much as the first did.

I can remember when they started to get the room ready for me to push.... I was in a foggy daze from 10:30-1 from the nubain but that started to wear off and my head came with it. I remember screaming that I wanted to push and everyone kept telling me not to. Pretty hard to not push when my body was taking over like that. The doctor was hurrying about to get me ready but Andrew plowed his way through. Finally at 1:31 PM, Andrew was born. It was one of the happiest moments of my life.

My sweet husband however, didn't fare so well. He did fine during Sophia's labor, was so-so with Elliot, but with Andrew, he just couldn't take it. Andrews birth was more intense for both of us because it happened so fast.

They laid him up on my chest and I was in love. Of course, we waited to find out we were having a boy and I was very very surprised he was a boy. I remember asking to check again!

Three months later, I'm growing more and more in love with this little boy. He isn't sleeping through the night (both my other two were at this point) but I"m ok with that. I'm loving every day!

Andrew Tyler Emmorey November 1, 2011, 8 lbs 8 oz 20.5 inches

What goes in, must come out

2010-04-13T19:12:00.002-04:00

So lately, I've been doing alot of thinking. What you put into your mind in terms of tv you watch, music you listen to, and lies you tell yourself is going to come out. So instead of putting 'crap' in, put good stuff in! For example, instead of listening to down and depressing music, try turning the chanel to a positive, uplifting Christian music channel. See what happens. Instead of watching TV shows that make you want to be of the world, turn off the tv and play a game with your kids.

I've been challenged to stop putting bad stff in my mind. I recently finished a bible study book, Telling yourself the Truth, and you know, its been awesome. Instead of focusing on what isn't true, I have been focusing on truth and its so awesome.

Believe it or not, that stuff will effect you. What you listen to on a daily basis will start to take control of your thought life and eventually will change who you are. But if you are putting the good in, the good will come out. Not overnight I'm sure, but give it a try.

Remember, God loves you and wants you to be a child of His. He wants us to honor him in all we do and say... so this isn't anything new of me.Here is the verse that just came to mind

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Yup, its right there in God's word. Our daily instruction book for our daily lives. How awesome.

Ok, I need to tidy up the house a bit... before I get the kids washed and in bed. Happy reading!

13 months

2010-02-14T22:47:00.004-05:00

Today, my son Elliot is 13 months old. Actually, at this minute he was about 10 minutes old.... but... today 13 months.

For the past 13 months I have nursed him.I gave him myself for 13 months. I always made sure I was wearing an outfit that was easy to nurse in if we were going out in public, I was never more than an hour away from him, always was there when he was hungry, never left him for more than 4 hours at a time...

I wanted to make it a year, and I did. We did I should say. Elliot has been the perfect baby in terms of eating. He wont take a bottle, never cared for it even when he would take one. But do you blame him? Maybe he didn't dislike the bottle, but he loved where the milk came from, close to mommy!

I love that I shared myself like I did for the past year. Elliot is worth it. I am so happy we had a good experience and happy he is still going strong. I am so proud of myself and him for sticking with it. Here are a few pictures, nothing to graphic of course, but just a few to share with you.

I just need to let it go

2010-02-06T07:45:00.003-05:00

So lately, I feel like I have been bit by the baby bug.... I have two beautiful children but yet, I want another and I want another right now, or well, in 9 months. I have had a few friends all find out they were expecting, some throughout the summer but the ones that get me are the September babies. I was wanting a fall baby and September seemed like a good time. Well, I'm not, and I wont have a Sep baby this year....

I for real, need to just let it go, I need to walk away from that desire and let it in God's hands. The quote "When you plan, God laughs" I find so true yet, I dont see God ever laughing at us. I just need to realize, God is the one who made the earth, God is the one who made the air, and the water and the trees and every living thing on this earth. Even the babies being made in test tubes for IVF, GOD made those ones too! So why do I sit here and worry about if God will give me another baby? He knows my desires and my fears of having a bigger family, but yet, He also knows my desires. Right? I just need to let it go. Stop worrying. Stop talking about it. Stop planning as though I am going to just get pregnant and let things happen.

I think our society today wants control. Duh, thats easy. There are so many ways out there you can take control of your fertility... there is even a book! You can wake up at the same time every day, and take your temperature and chart it to see when you are ovulating, you can take ovulation strips to see when you are most likely fertile and best chances to have a baby. All that is great and all, but I feel like by wanting to do all that I am taking the reigns from God and saying "its ok, I know all you've made and all, but let me have control on this matter, I know whats best" To me, that is the dumbest thing I've ever thought/said!

I believe we'll have another baby, maybe two, but I just need to let it go. Let God work in me right now today. February 6, 2010 I need to just let God have control.

I am not saying charting and doing all that is wrong, because I'm not. I'm just saying I have let my every thought and focus be on that. I did take my temperature this morning.... I have no idea when it means I'll be fertile enough to conceive a baby, I'm just taking it cause thats what "they" say to do! I'm such a mess.

My question, will this ever go away. So I get pregnant, it goes away while pregnant, then the first few months of the babies life... so, a year, I dont have this feeling, then what if it starts again, when will I just be done? When will this overwhelming desire to stop having children be done?

Another good weekend

2010-02-01T07:08:00.002-05:00

Are you living in the moment? Are you taking advantage of what God has put in front of you? God doesn't promise you tomorrow, he only gives us one day at a time with no promise we'll see tomorrow. I ask this because a grand-daughter (in law) to our church passed away at the age of 36.... still unsure the cause. A wife and mother of two, is now gone. She wasn't promised to grow old with her husband or see her chidlren become parents. God wanted her home.

Which really makes me ask myself, what am I doing to make a difference today. Am I living to make a difference, for God to use me, or am I just going through the motions every day and taking for granted the gift of life I have every morning when I wake up.

Its alot to think about on a monday morning (or whenever you read this) but its something that struck me this weekend. This lady didn't know it was going to happen. From what we understand it was very sudden and very unexpected.

Make each and every day count. Thats what I intend to do from now one! Live each day for God and see what HE can do with it (not what I can do)

A birthday day

2010-01-30T16:49:00.006-05:00

Sophia was invited to her first birthday party today... so much fun. I am so proud of her. At home, it seems we are always fighting to get her to share and I'm so worried about her with other kids and sharing. Today she did great! She shared and was super nice and when the birthday girl was opening her presents, she did great at letting her (and not trying to help!) Praise the Lord!

I also think we are going to do her first birthday party this year! Randy hasn't wanted to, but she is going to be 3 and has taken major milestones this year... potty trained, ears pierced, and so on. I think she is ready! I wanted to share a few pictures too....

The birthday girl and her three friends at her party:

Watching so patiently as the birthday girl opened her presents:

Sophia asked, oh Mommy, can I have that barbie? Oh but she did so great not crying when Rachel said they were hers!

Sophia and the birthday girl, Rachel.

Then the last picture is the whole group. Rachel and her three friends and her sister Jenna. What a fun time!

A sinking ship

2010-01-20T14:36:00.002-05:00

You ever hear a song and you just can't listen to it enough, just want to keep listening to it and then you find yourself humming it throughout the day, or catch your two year old singing it while playing? I'm there!

1,000 Generations has this song, Fail us Not. There is nothing above you, there is nothing beyond you, there is nothing you can't do.... is just a few lines from the song.

Lately, I've been struggling, more like a sinking ship. I feel like my life has become a wheel and I do the same thing day in and day out.... mix that in with very little sleep due to non sleeping children and it quickly becomes a problem.

A week ago Monday my pastors wife called me, she is much more than 'my pastors wife' but she is a friend. Someone I can go to and trust and rely on. Well she asked me to join the ladies bible study at church. I immediately wanted to put up the barriers of why I can't do this. Sunday nights is our youth night and I wanted to be there for Randy. Well as I talked to her I realized this is something I needed to do. So I agreed.

I've honestly never been involved with a group like this since high school when I was in my small group. Not sure if it was a fear I had of letting my guard down or just not seeking out a group to join, but here I was, about to enter this bible study.

The book we are reading is called, Telling yourself the Truth by William Backus. Well as I started reading, I thought, I dont have any things I lie to myself about, I'm pretty 'normal' but I prayed God would use this book to open me up to change and allow Him to work through me. Well He sure is!

I often find myself allowing everything around me influence my mood and my behavior towards others and I need to stop that.
If you are looking for a good book to read, this study has both a regular book and then it has a workbook version. The same thing pretty much only room to responde and questions.

Anyway, my post started out by talking about the song Fail us Not, and now i'm talking about my bible study books. Both are very influential right now. I am praying God continues to use this to mold me into a woman after His own heart!

Oh my goodnesss.....

2010-01-18T04:27:00.002-05:00

Apparently I only post once a month now, and without trying, I got a month in between and think, I want to blog about this day, and then never do all the time. Last night I tried but couldn't remember my password. I was so mad at myself for not remembering, then I was mad at google for their password assistance and not remembering the answer to my security question. AHH! But stay calm, I am here now and have much on my mind.

Yes, its 4:30 AM. I 'said' last night I would give Elliot a bottle when he woke insead of nursing but twice now I have nursed him. I am exhausted. I haven't slept a full night in um, I dont remember when, and he is not allowing me to leave him and do the things I want to do because of nursing. I wanted to go a year... and I did. I am ready to be done. How selfish am I sounding right about now? He isn't showing any sign of letting go anytime soon either.

The teens are having snow camp this weekend and I really want to go, and well, I can't leave him with anyone with him waking 2-3 times a night to nurse. No one else can feed him like that and he sure as heck wont take a bottle. Randy tried tonight and Ellit wasn't having it. So when he woke the second time, I tried and oh he was mad. I hate the thought that I"m giving in to nursing him, but for real, what else am I going to do. He is screaming and gets louder every minute I hold out.

I dont think people realize how bad it is here. People give me advice and say "oh Sara, you need to stop that" Thanks for that! I know! Maybe I'll wean him off during the day and then maybe just maybe he wont want to at night. Or he'll be so mad that I didn't nurse him and get up even more at night. So far its been twice tonight, once at 1 and then at 4.

I am not getting bitter, yet, but I'm frustrated. I am giving him the very best I can by nursing him, I get that, but its been a year of sharing my body with him, I am ready to be Sara for a little while without nursing or being pregnant. I *thought* I wanted another baby sooner than later but the way weaning is going I'm afraid he'll still want to nurse and I'll be 8 months pregnant.... which I dont want to do...

Sorry this turned into a major vent of my frustations... I need to try to sleep a little more before my daycare boy comes at 6:45... *yawn*

One crazy week

2009-12-16T10:24:00.002-05:00

Who would have thought that having four children in the house would be hard. Its not really. Just have to manage it well. But the four children in my house make for an interesting time.

The four year old. He is a great boy. He listens well and always plays nicely. He is however getting a tad homesick. Which isn't a good combo when the momma who is thousands of miles away, is also homesick. Not a good combo to let them talk on the phone right before he goes to bed and she has to go out to dinner. Woops.

The two year old is a week into potty training. It wasn't my idea to start her last week, but she started wanting to, so we ran with it. I want to put her in a diaper, I want to give in and fold like a deck of cards and give in to her whining and put her in a diaper. But what is that teaching her? I feel there is no going back now. She still pees her underwear because she simply could care less if she is wet because she doesn't want to stop playing to pee on the toilet. Plus she can be mean, and I really dont know where that is coming from. She pushes, hits and even bites. She'll be a delight in preschool! Hopefully she will outgrow this phase or whatever it is.

The 11 month old, Elliot. My oh my. He is getting his top eye teeth, let me just tell you its not been fun at night. He wakes up just screaming, and for fear of the other three waking up, I hurry to get him, or Randy does, and I nurse him, give him tylenol and calm him down. Its not been just once a night that this happens, but maybe twice (only give tylenol once though)

Then the 5 month old baby. Bless his little heart, he sleeps 12 hours a night, but during the day he doesn't like to be put down for long. I think its cause his momma hasn't had a need to put him down very much. And thats ok, just makes it hard for me, who has to put him down a few times more than normal just to make breakfast/lunch/dinner and feed Elliot.

So, can you tell its been a stresful week at my house? I offered to watch my friends kids so her and her husband could get away for the week. I know my friend misses them like crazy and is homesick for them, but before the kids came along, there was her and her husband, and someday, her boys will be grown and off to college and there will be her and hubby time once again. I just know how important those times are.

Oh and lets not forget my two fur babies. Who seem to think they need to go outside every five minutes but then they bark at every fall snowflake and that gets annoying as well. So they are spending some quality time in their kennels this week. I dont feel bad, they dont get cooped up like that for long times and usually dont see the kennels every day, so they need a little time in there.

So thats my week. Am I crazy for taking on this adventure with children here all the time all week, maybe sure.

Wanna know a secret, lol, tomorrow Riley comes and then friday Riley and Caidan both come, so thats right, 6 children by friday. AND the two houseguests dont leave until Sunday at some point, I'll get them to church and their parents will meet them there. A full entire week with them.

Am I ready for a third baby of my own? Bring it on!

615 is way to early

2009-11-09T09:29:00.002-05:00

Having a bad dream, mixed with jumping out of bed at 6:15 not knowing what time it was and hoping you weren' late is NOT how I like to start my mondays. I know my response is my responsibility and thus I need to check my attitude at the door or else this week is going to drag on by.

I was waiting for Riley to come today and what to I hear, sophia is up and beside the couch. Not wanting to go back to bed or even go lay in my bed with Randy (and Elliot) she wanted the cartoons. I knew that once Riley got there she would NOT be going back to bed and I would be up. Well, do you know what you get with a 2 year old who didn't sleep long enough, mixed with a boy who isn't used to the hosue and wanting to play with the toys (that the sleepy two year old thinks are hers....)

Its 930 and I'm exhausted. I have a headache creeping up and its only a matter of time before its a full blown headache.

But instead of keeping this post about all the negative going, I am going to turn it around and just start listing all the positives going for me.

1. woke up in a warm bed with a very sweet little boy next to me (elliot)
2. have a husband who loves me and wants to work hard to provide for our family
3. i have a job! it may be working from home doing daycare, but I have a little income to help out!
4. my daughter, as tired as she may be today, is still my daughter =)

Ok, so the list could go on and on, but I am needing to stop for now. Instead of focusing on the bad thigns that may be in front of you today, stop and push them aside and look at the good. See, God doesn't want us to focus on the bad, he wants us to glorify him in whatever we do, and by focusing on the bad its like we are telling God we are unhappy with what HE has provided! How truly selfish!

I challenge you (whoever may be reading this) to really strive today to find the good in every situation placed in front of you. Instead of complaining to others, pour out your heart to God, cry out to Him.He wants to hear from you today! I need to do better at making him my first conversation of the day... instead of my last resort when things are tough.

So much on my mind

2009-11-05T22:07:00.002-05:00

Lately, I've been bursting to share what I've been learning. God has really been using our pastors messages to teach me and to get my attention. I hate missing sunday mornings! He has been sharing and preaching on love. How to love others and what that looks like. I have to tell you, I do not love like I am supposed to!

But, I've also been reading a book.Its been on my shelf for a few years now. I think it was a wedding present and I never got past page 16. I really truly believe it was because the words on the page I wasn't ready to change and to read with an open mind. I wasn't ready to submit what I wanted to what God has for me. Well, I picked the book up a few days ago.. and WOW!!!

So you are probably wondering what book has got my attention... Loving God with all your mind by Elizabeth George. I've read some of her books in the past, but this book is just so good right now. Its talked about focusing on the truth, not playing the 'what if' game and really getting you to think on truth. If it isn't true, then its sin, and dwelling on it means you are sinning.

I am a dreamer, and there is nothing wrong with that, but I often find myself day dreaming of winning 10,000 dollars or other good things to happen to me, and that carries my mind into this fantasy land of getting a bigger house, new clothes, a new car.... then I find myself un happy with what is around me. Instead of looking at what is true around me, I find myself depressed that what I have isn't good enough. What kind of life is that! Not a fun one thats for sure!

The most recent chapter I finished was on fear. Fear can be a paralyzing thought in my world. I fear so many things that sometimes I am robbed of a blessing simply because I am to afraid of what might happen.

This is an exerpt from the book:

Nothing will ever happen to you that god does not already know about. (Psalm 139:1-4)
Nothing will ever happen to you that is a mistake. (Paslm 139:4,16)
Nothing will ever happen that you cannot handle by God's power and grace. (2 Cor 12:9-10)
Nothing will ever happen to you that will not eventually be used by God for some good purpose in your life. (Romans 8:28)
Nothing will ever happen to you without Gods presence. (Matthew 28:20)
Nothing will ever separate you from God's love. (Romans 8:38-39)

If you are really looking to have change and want to truly love God better and with your whole heart, I encourage you to pick this book up and read it. Get past the first 16 pages, and really prayerfully read this book. It is helping me get through my days and its ultimately drawing me close to God, the one who put me on this earth!

Those 6 simple truths are so reassuring and so comforting.

Love.... is not...

2009-10-19T20:20:00.001-04:00

So I've been hearing some great messages lately at church. Lately, its been about Love and the passage in I Corinthians 13, where it defines love and what it is and what it isn't. What a great reminder to hear on sunday!

One of the main points was love isn't jealous. When someone gives you a gift, do you look around the room and say, no I dont want this one, I want that one and point to a gift given to someone else? Of course not! So why do you look around at what others have and say, I want that! God has given you what you have, for a reason. So as if that wasn't enough of a challenge, I really started looking at my life and seeing many signs of this in my own life. Wanting more than I had, wanting what others had/have! It really made me just step back and look at my blessings in my life. I am trul blessed. I may not have the biggest house or a new car, but I have a house, and I have a car. That right here is more than enough reason to be happy and to thank God for those blessings!

One question that Randy asked me, if the only thing God ever did for you, was to die on the cross, and didn't bless you with good things ever again, would you still be happy and content and would you still be able to praise Him? Truthfully, that is so hard to answer! I am human and like to be comfortable. I like my 'things' but wow! Dying on the cross to save me of my sins should be enough, but would it?!

I walked away from church on sunday with a heavy heart. With alot on my mind. Good things none the less, but need for change.

My vehicle history

2009-10-07T09:23:00.000-04:00

I'm an emotional person, I get attached to things and have a hard time parting with them. Everything you ask? No, just my cars.

Growing up, we drove one van for most of my childhood into my teen years, a 1988 WHITE plymouth voyager. Oh that van was ugly but it tough msyelf and my 4 siblings to drive.... it braved many storms, and never died. Broke down, yes, many times, but it kept on kicking. I believe hurricane katrina eventually took that great van down. It was parked at Slippery Rock Baptist Camp and when the storm flooded western PA it sunk that van.

My first car was a 1995 pontiac grand am. I drove that most of my senior year of high school. Talk about spoiled, I saw it at a local auto shop where my dads friend fixed cars, sat in it, and said I would love to drive this car home. Well, lo and behold, a few days later it was in my driveway. It wasn't 'mine' but my dad bought it for me to drive to school and where I needed to go, but ever a time he needed it, he trumped me.

Well, that trusty lil green went many miles with me. From my senior year of high school through the summer after my second year of college. All the way to the norther part of Wisconsin (and back a few times)

After the thought of me traveling to the northern Wisconsin in my grand am, my dad made a switch and bought me a 1997 Jeep Grand Cherokee. I loved that jeep. Red. pretty. So nice.

I then moved on from there to a 1999 grand am. black. oh so pretty again! I drove that one for a little over a year, then I got married.

My dad decided to let Randy and I take the Jeep and the black grand am to michigan. woot! Two paid off vehicles, sweet!

Then the madness truly began. In January of 2006, we traded the grand am for a 2003 Buick LeSabre.... talk about a grand ma car, but wow that was a nice car. I loved it. Not at first of course, but it turned out to be a great car. We drove that car for over 2 years.... closer to 3 actually when we had this brilliant idea, sell it, buy a van!

At this point, we have a jeep, I loved, and a buick that was almost paid off. So what do we do, go buy a van, sell our Jeep (sniff sniff) and then we sold our car (sniff sniff) and have a 2003 ford windstar. Thats it.

We made it a summer with only one. Then we started itching to find something else, something to not leave me stranded at home wihout a car. So we were given a 1995 GMC safari van, I call big blue.

Recently, we sold our van *thud head on wall* and bought a 2003 pontiac bonneville ssei... which means its fast and loaded with alot of fun options. I still watned a van though.... just makes sense to hvae a van over a car with kids.

Can you guess what we did with the bonneville, sold it. yup thats right its gone. What are we driving? an old van that I wonder if it will start each time we go to put the key in. Are we looking for a van now, yes, but with no luck. We've gone back and forth on waiting vs. buying one now. Trying to save money but having the desire to have something more dependable.

I am almost immune to it now. I used to be emotional when we sold our car, but now its almost a given, we have a car and it wont be long that we are looking to get rid of it. *sigh* what a nightmare right?

I look forward to the next van we buy, in hopes we actually have it longer than any of the other vehicles we have owned.

We've been married now over 4 years.... we have had (owned) buick regal, jeep grand cheeroke, pontiac grand am, buick lesabre, ford windstar, gmc safari, pontiac bonneville..... so the next one we buy will make 8 for us....

I need a little stability here!!! hehe

Adventure in movie land

2009-10-03T16:18:00.001-04:00

Randy is at a golf marathon all day. He left this morning at 6 AM. What was I going to do with my day? I have a great idea, why dont we go to the movies! A friend called and invited me to see Toy Story and Toy STory II in 3D. I said yes, not really thinking about what I was saying yes to.

My daughter has the attention span of a two year old, funny, she is 2. Elliot doesn't sit still long either, always trying to get down. Not really a place to put him down at the movies.

We bought our tickets, went to get food. I orderd popcorn a drink and a kid drink... well how was I supposed to carry all this? The lady must have heard me wrong because somehow I got a LARGE popcorn and drink, and Sophia got a kids meal. So the lady was like, do you want me to help you carry something. Oh that was a nice offer.

We get to our seats.... I set Elliot down in a chair, then proceed to take everything from the nice lady who helped me. So we made it to our seats. Good.

The movie starts, everything is goig good. Did I mention it was in 3D? Which means not wearing your glasses for a long time made your eyes hurt (remember that fact) Sophia sat still for a few minutes, then lost her glasses, she handed them to me. I started to feed Elliot and bam, he is asleep. Good. Then I smelled something, whats that horrible smell... oh yes, Sophia pooped. I got the wipes and a diaper and went to the bathroom. Changing a diaper of a 2 year old, with a 8 month old baby on the changing table, not easy. We made it back to our seats.

It was all down hill from here. The first movie got over and Sophia was ready to be done. Two movies was way to much for her little attention span. I took Elliot and changed him. he left a nice wet spot on my lap... thank you son.

Movie two started... and Sophia didn't want to sit still. I began nursing Elliot again, this is the third time mind you... its a comfort thing for him, hoping he would fall asleep.... almost to sleep... Sophia kicked my HUGE bucket of popcorn and it went all over the floor. *thud head* oh no. Oh wait, whats that smell, yes, you guess it, Sophia pooped a second time. Well, toy story II, why not poop a second time. So I took them to the bathroom again, but before I could get out of the theatre she starts yelling, change my diaper, I pooped! ahhhhh!!

After that we should have left. She just wouldn't sit still and was yelling at me when I treid to talk to her. REasoning with a two year old shouldn't happen, she should listen to me because I"m her mom right??? YEAH RIGHT!

I was smart and packed a baggie full of suckers, which kept her in her seat the last half of the second movie. We made it... but my eyes hurt because Elliot kept grabbing my glasses off my face and so I watched most of the movie(s) without them.

I kept glanceing at my friend, who invited us, and her 4 year old sat and watched both movies no problem and her baby (almost 3 months) drank his bottle and slept the whole time with nothing more than a tiny peep the whole time. I'm glad for her.

I tell you, for Sophia's first experience EVER in a movie theatre she did great. Now all she can talk about was the movie and all the suckers she had.... *thud head on floor* Im a sucker for thinking she would be fine!

Next time we go to the theatre as a family, she'll be able to pay herself because I dont think that is an experience I want to have for a long time!

A turned down offer

2009-09-22T08:27:00.000-04:00

So we had a guy come look at our car. ITs a 2003 Pontiac Bonneville SSEI... which means its supercharged and super-fast..... for lack of better word I guess. Well, he called last night and made an offer. I never thought we would turn down and offer. I want a van and thought as soon as we get an offer we would take it and I would have my van... wrong.

He didn't offer us enough and when Randy said how much he wants to get out of it, the guy said his offere was the most he would go. That was the end of that. Oh well. I know we can't afford a change right now.... you always lose out on the deal when making a change on a car, so we better just it on our car, keep paying for it monthly and be happpy. I am happy with it. Just relaly want a van. I guess someday I will.

I feel God will bless us. For not being impatient and just jumping on this first offer. If we dont sell it, then we wait and pay it off and then buy a van... either way. It will work.

Just wanted to share, that I am proud of our choice. The easy thing could have been to jump on that offer and then be out searching for a van and wanting to pay too much for a van that is above our means. So this way, it saved us money.

Now onto my day! Stil in my car and thats ok : )

A hidden blessing

2009-09-19T14:54:00.000-04:00

God is soooo good, All the time.

I was cleaning Sophia's room, looking to see what she had, what fit her and what didn't, putting clothes away that didn't and figuring how many pairs of pants she would need to get by for the fall/winter. I realized she was in need of new pants. WIth a bit of worry, I realized on the new found budget we have, and the off relationship I have with visa, mastercard, and discover, just going to the store and buying new was not an option. So I just continued about my day and didn't want to think about it.

I moved into Elliots room where I saw the basket of clothes I was ignoring, for a month or more at this point. clothes that people have given us, that I just didn't have time to go through and see what to keep, what to pass on. Well, in that basket were 4 pairs of size 3t pants, the size she will need for this fall/winter as well as shirts, sweaters, and a columbia winter coat and snow pants. WOW! I do not need to worry about her clothes, because she is set for this upcoming seasons!

I am amazed at how God works. I want to always be amazed at how he works too. I never want to just expect things to happen, but yet be thankful when they do and thankful for then dont. God has his reason why some things we pray for and ask dont happen. He sees the whole puzzle, we only see a piece... so he knows what will fit in our lives and what won't.

I'm so thankful for the provision He has given us. For the watching out and knowing our every need. My children both have plenty of clothes now for the upcoming seasons and I know its because God watches out for us.

Now I just need to be ok with my daughter wearing size 3T.... she is getting so big. Now onto the potty right?? That would be wonderful!

Part of my problem

2009-09-14T02:05:00.000-04:00

The title, part of my problem, is funny. I have many problems, most I know about am are trying to fix.

I'm not pregnant. Thats my problem. AHH!! Instead of focusing on what I have in life, I am looking ahead, still. Do I not realize what being pregnant means? 9 more months of discomfort and pain to go into labor and have that happen all over again. For a few months of not sleeping, pain in nursing, oh and nursing! Not being able to wear whatever I want becuase it has to be easily acsesible to feed the baby. Yes, I would have a baby in the process, but that right there, a third baby?!? Am I nuts? Why yes I am, because I want this baby.

I always said I wouldn't let having a family consume my energy. I wouldn't let that take over my only thoughts. I want to be content with what I have. But I'm seriously struggling right now. I have taken so many tests, thinking, maybe it was just too early. After awhile, negative tests where on you. I am done. I am committed to being done. I will not buy, or take any more tests. Randy isn't ready yet, so why am I pushing this?

God has a plan for my family. The two children I have need my attention. I need to focus my energy on potty training my daughter. I had yet another reminder today of my daughter not being potty trained and the two other little girls at church (same age) are. eyeye. I need to focus on how Elliot is changing daily and if I dont stop and look, he may do something new and I wont see it. I need to shut the computer more than its open and just keep my house clean, keep the laundry caught up and the kitchen cleaned. And most importantly, I need to be the wife to Randy he deserves. I was a wife before I was a mother and I need to get back to that. He is the most wonderful man. I love him more than he knows. I am proud of him for all he does in a day (without ever complaining too)

Actually, most importantly, I need to get my heart right with the Lord. I've been so far, but pretending to be so close. I am only fooling myself at this point. I need to realize why I am on this earth and start living that way. God so desperately wants me back to His side and I keep pushing it off like its not important. God wants to bless us, but if don't allow Him to work in our lives, then He won't. I need to start clinging to the promises of His word. Pastor Doug asked us in sunday school a verse or passage that you have claimed lately. I was so embarressed because I didn't have one lately. I used to, but I couldn't even recall them. I need it. I am like a baby who needs fed every 2 hours, I need fed by the word of God.

I guess that is my problem, not part, but the whole problem. Once that part of my life is line with God, I really believe whole-heartidly that the rest will fall into place. I need to not rush things, they happen fast enough. And besides, I want twins next, and I am pretty sure I would go crazy with twins right now. Elliot better get a little bigger before that happens.

Maybe now I can get to sleep. I have alot on my mind. Thanks for reading.

September 11

2009-09-11T17:58:00.000-04:00

On Tuesday, September 11 2001 I woke for school. Just another day. I packed my bag for school, and my bag for cross country. Probably showered and ate breakfast, gave my dad a hug and went out to school. Picked up my friend Jill for school and headed to Butler High school. That day was going to be a normal day, except I was exempt from a few morning classes to pass out the yearbooks from the previous school year. Feeling priviledged, I set up in the conference room. Little did I know, the world I knew was about to change forever.

A little before 9, Mr. Thompson came in with a very solemn face. He said we were under attack and it wasn't good. He was able to turn the tv on in that room (not all the tv's in our school were connected to cable, but that being a conference room, it was.) I couldn't believe what I saw. We were pretty glued to the TV for the next hour.

In that hour, I saw a plane went down in Somerset county. My heart started to race. My best friend Anne lived in Somerset county, was she ok, was her family ok? I needed to know. I wanted to call home and talk to my dad.... thankfully I was able to. I called my dad and he was able to assure me that plane went down in an empty field where no buildings were effected. Whew.

But what was going on? Who would do such a terrible thing to our nation?

I remember going to lunch that day and hearing kids joke about what happened, making fun of the pentagon, and the world trade center, hearing jokes like 'what are they trading there, world things?' I wish I had the courage to stop the jokes right then and there. How rude and ignorant those teens sounded. I may have laughed at a few of the jokes or the stupidity, but looking back now, we were all ignorant teens.

I read on facebook today, should 9/11 be a holiday. To our generation, it is a big deal, to our nation it is a big deal and we wont forget that day. But just like many days in our past, Pearl Harbor, V-Day, days from WWI and WWII that had significant impact on our nation. Will we remember 9/11 , or will we remember is less and less. I look at high school seniors right now, some were 9 or 10 when that day happened, will they really remember the impact of that day? It is up to us to remind them and to teach them what all that day meant.

I know I wont forget. I wont forget about the freedom I so greatly take for granted some days. I forget that people are fighting for our country still today, right now, and I need to be grateful for the freedom I have. The freedom I have is not free.

If you read this, thank a VET today, or a fireman or police office, someone who puts their life in danger on a daily basis to protect you!

Pass it on!!

Some odd cravings

2009-09-08T21:50:00.000-04:00

Never go to the grocery store hungry. Should just end this post now. That is enough said, a nice life lesson. But I will elaborate.

I went and I wanted chicken fajitas. So I went to get the chicken, passed the corn dogs on the way, put a box of those in the cart (can I just say, GROSS!) Kept on walking. Past the Orange pop, thought, yum, corn dogs and orange pop.... bought 6 bottles of that. Can't buy the cans, I wanted the bottle. Thought, Oh I want something sweet, but not chocolate. Got some sour gummy worms and fruit chews.

At this point, I am realizing I need to be done and just head to the checkout before I keep adding to my cart.

I pulled out of the parking lot and into Taco Bell and bought one of there fruit freeze (basically a slurpee) and drank that down on the drive home.

After the soccer game and a little time at the park, went and got a large sweet tea from McDonalds... which I put in the fridge and just finished now with my corn dog.

I am not pregnant, but am having some wicked cravings lately. I hope they go away soon, dont think our budget can handle them much longer!

A mometous Evening

2009-09-02T23:43:00.000-04:00

So tonight, I was feeding Elliot before bed and Sophia was up and playing. Past her bedtime but thats ok, she's little and its summer (not sure why that makes it ok, but whatever) and our good friend Chris was in the bathroom doing laundry and Sophia was in about ready to brush her teeth when she stopped and said she had to go potty. She proceeds to put the cushion down and the stop stool over and sits up their on her throne. She gets off wipes and says, just a little bit of poop. Hey, a little bit of poop is a HUGE deal to me. That was the first time she went poop on the pot without me asking. It was the first time for that EVER with or without me asking. I just feel like she is getting it. She doesn't like to be pushed in life to do anything she doesn't want to do. But when she decides to do something she is great at it. She never crawled as a baby, just sat there and would fall over until she figured out how to pull herself up then she took off. She has never been one to let things hold her back. Yes, I am talking about my 2 year old. But she is strong willed and stubborn and I love every minute of it. She will never be pushed to do what she doesn't want to. I just pray she continues that in her life when it comes to peer pressure and other things that could be harmful to her. I was cleaning her room out tonight and her and Elliot were sitting and playing. Sophia found the book I read to her last night, Brown Bear Brown Bear, and she was 'reading' it. I have a video I am going to attempt to post now. Hopefully it works.I really am blessed to have what I have in life. I feel God has blessed me and given me the desires of my heart. Sophia and Elliot are such joys and blessings. I am so happy Elliot is still nursing. That I have kept it up as long as I have. I only planned on going 6 months, I never thought it would be this easy and that I would have such a good experience with it. Sophia was so different when it came to eating. She would eat anything from anyone pretty much, but Elliot is much more picky about it. He just wants me. Although I have been spoon feeding him and he ate a ton of food today, three jars of food! He is a growing boy and I dont expect anything less now. Ok, once this video is done uploading I'll post and hopefully I picked the right one... if not, I'll make a new post and add it!

I am the created...

2009-08-27T14:48:00.000-04:00

(attempt number two... Elliot was helping and deleted my last post... hehe)

So last night, I had the opportunity to sit under Pastor Doug's teaching. God has blessed him with the gift of teaching and sharing. I am really benefiting from sitting under his ministry in Clare!

So he opened the Word from Matthew 4 where Jesus was fasting and after 40 days, satan came and attempted to TEMPT Jesus. After two failed attempts, satan then made the most ridiculous attempt. He offered Jesus everything in his sight to be his. What is so funny about that, Jesus created everything and it all was his already! Satan must not have been the smartest crayon in the box to not figure that one out! Finally Jesus said, enough with you, be gone, and satan left and the angels came and ministered to Him.

There are two big applications I took home from this bible time. One, there are times in my life I try to plan what is best for me and think i know how to handle mylife better than God. WHen truthfully, I am the created telling the creator what is best. If I was smart, I would just allow God, creator of everything, author of life, to have control! Seems simple but yet having control seems to control me, lol.

The second thing I am taking home from this lesson... even in the midst of trial and temptation... God will be there for you! After you go through a temptation and come out the other side, He will be there to minister to you! Jesus had just fasted for 40 days.... there is no doubt he was hungry after not eating for that amount of time. The angels came and ministered to him, maybe brought him food, or sustained Him in some way. Just like He will do for you when you go through a trial or a hard time!

How awesome! I tell you what, the GOD I serve is awesome. I need to just keep that in mind everyday (all day really) and rest in that truth!

Now onto my living room. Elliot is laying on the floor watching me, wondering when I am going to close this white laptop and come play with him. His sister is in bed, Caidan is sleeping, so he needs some entertainment here! hehe

To the one I love

2009-08-27T00:14:00.000-04:00

I've been doing alot of thinking lately about Randy. He is truly the most wonderful man to ever walk into my life. You may read this and think your husband is better, GOOD, I want you to think that. But for me, Randy is the most influential person to ever be a part of my daily life.

It all started that July morning back in 2003. I picked my cousin up for camp that morning and headed to camp, only about 20 minutes from home. I had realized that weekend before, I had never gone any amount of time not liking a guy. I always had someone I was liking at the moment and if I didn't, I thought something was wrong with me. I never just allowed God to have my heart. I was interested in a guy that summer who didn't seem to be at all interested back in me and I was so bummed over it. I let God have control that morning. I told Lexxie on the drive that I was conent and I didn't need to have a guy in my life to be happy.

To make a long story short, I met Randy that day and my life changed. He was everything I wanted in a guy and so much more. We only spent 2 weeks together and many many letters and phone calls and visits later... we are where we are today.

But today, 6 years later, he is still so much to me. I am more in love with him now than I was then. He works so hard to provide for our family. He has a full time job and for awhile was working a second and then a little on the side even still to make ends meet. We make more than enough, God has always provided enough for us, but he was working more and more to just cushion us. To make my security gland feel secure. He is just always thinking of his family and any way to better us.

I never hear him complain or get upset over things. He seems to always have a good attitude about everything. Then there is me, complaining about this or that or in need of some retail therapy because the children are stressing me out. His job can be very stressful, dealing with people is never an easy thing! So out of the two of us, he has room to complain and feel the need to vent, bt yet he never does!

God has truly blessed me with Randy. I thank God every day for giving him to me and not giving me what I wanted when I first graduated or even my freshman year of college. Life sure would be different without him by my side.

I am so proud of what he does and how he handles himself and carries himself. He truly has a heart for people... something that is just plain hard to do! I dont know what I did to deserve such a wonderful, loving, caring husband and father to my two children, but I am thankful!

Thats another side of him, being a dad! He is so good with Sophia and Elliot, he loves thos two so much. He simple adores Sophia and can't wait to play with Elliot when he gets home. He always takes Elliot from me and kisses him and talks to him, then will go to Sophia and play with her. Tonight, he was dancing with her in the living room to her little piano. THey would hit the button for a song and just dance around. It was so cute. I want Sophia to grow up to find a husband like him and I want Elliot to grow up to be like him. That is my prayer for my children.

So its 1230 now.... still not tired but I know tomorrow will be here soon (it already is tomorrow!) and I have two little ones coming around 11 and I need to just be awake and ready for them.

Just was laying in bed next to him and thinking how blessed I am to have him as my husband. I am very thankful for the paths that lead us to each other. The different relationships that molded us to be ready for one another, as painful as they were, I am thankful for them! They made us ready for each other at the same time!

All the little things dont go un-noticed... I have the man for me who completes me, who I can and WILL grow old with. : )

God is so good!

2009-08-25T13:08:00.000-04:00

The title of this post is God is so good, and I wonder why I allow myself to be surprised by that... He is good all the time and I need to just stand in awe of that goodness daily!

I have been struggling with wanting more money. Not to buy more things, but to pay off debt and get ourselves in a better position in life. Well, Randy put an add on craigslist for daycare and then we both forgot about it. I got a phone call last night and I am meeting with a mom of two boys tomorrow to talk about me watching her boys! God is so good. Randy also put on the add that the husband was a pastor in a local church (that probably turned people away) but that is what caught this ladies eye. They are lookig for a new church and thought about visiting ours.

If this works out, I'll have three extra boys in home three days a week, but I'll be making at least $75 a week which will help out tremedously!

I told Randy on the way home after setting the time to meet tomorrow with the mom that God wants us to be completely broken and in a position where our entire strength comes from Him before He can truly work. If you hold back, I believe He will too. The blessing will come when you allow Him to work. I often daydream of what would be the best for our family, and when I stop doing that and allow God to just work then good happens!

So pray that the meeting would go well tomorrow (at 10:30) and that I would be open and honest with the mom and now let what I want to shine through, but what God wants to shine the brightest!

This also has made us want to get the family room going to make into the 'daycare' room and really make our home inviting for these little ones and their families. God has given me the ability and the desire to work with little ones and this is just me using that gift!

Sophia....

2009-08-14T09:38:00.000-04:00

I figured out my frustration with Sophia yesterday. The child is so smart and usually figures out whatever she wants to do the first time... so whatever it was, walking, talking, eating, riding her tricyle, riding a big bike with training wheels.... she has always been a fast learner. So this potty training thing.... its just not happening. I talk to her about it she gets all excited then she just continues to pee in her underwear or diaper like its not a big deal. *thud forhead*

She was walking and running by 8.5 months... the child has been on the go and seems so big to me, but I have to remember she is only 2, not even 2.5 yet, just 2. So I am getting frustrated for what? One of these days she'll get it right, she'll decide on her own and my worries and frets will all be over what?

I just need to let go of the situation and trust God. He is interested and cares over this matter right? I need to focus on taht and just rely on HIS strenght on the rough days to get me through.

Yesterday, she screamed when I tried to put a diaper on, so we went pee and put on undies. Well we walked into the living room, she turned and looked at me, made eye contact and peed right there. UGH... then she peed again within an hour wearing the undies. So I put her in a diaper. I need a little help with it. I need Randy to be home to help for a few days if this is the way we want to go... BUT that wont happen, so I guess we'll just go on like we are and use diapers. $40 a month.... yup, thats what it is for her!

7 months

2009-08-11T12:49:00.000-04:00

I have been meaning to post now for some time. Every day I have a thought that would make a great post, but then I get away from things and I forget all about it. Oh well.

Elliot is now almost 7 months old. I can't believe it. I find the day they turn 7 months is worse than 6 months... he is now closer to a year than a newborn... and my baby is growing up. He has one tooth, crawling and has a very laid back personality. He looks like Sophia but is very much different. I love to see how similar and different they both are.

I have also been so sick lately. I am 99% sure I am not pregnant but yet I am still sick. I finally made an appointment to see our family doctor for next week. I have been dizzy and just yucky feeling. Ha, how is that for a diagnosis!

5 of my January Mamas who had a baby the same time I had Elliot are now pregnant again. Which is great for them, and makes me a little sad. I have the desire to have a bigger family and I know God will provide. I just dont know when the right time is. Having a big family would be great, but the size we have now is also really wonderful in many ways as well. More vacations with a family of 4, more one on one time with a family of 4. But having a big family, more people to play with, more chances to share (hint hint Sophia).

Good thing I dont have to decide right now!

Ok, Sophia just rang the doorbell and said 'mommy, can I come inside' so cute! She is so sandy from her sand box, better put her in the tub and let her play and unwinde before I make her lay down for a nap. She requires sleep. Also a good and bad thing : )

Wow this post has been all over the place... maybe I'll have something to say one of these times!

My crazy life!

2009-07-08T19:51:00.000-04:00

Life sure can be crazy and take you for some funny bumpy roads... but if you just stay on the road you'll make it through.

Currently at my house, my sister is here helping paint my dining room and hallway, and to get the kitchen painted. WE are making great progess, but come Monday, I am going to be in PA. Actually, Sunday night Randy is driving me to Ohio where I will spend the night with my brother and his family and then monday morning my dad is coming to pick me up and take me the rest of the way. I'll spend the week with my family and then my dad will drive me back to my brothers house sat morning where Randy will come get me, and then drop me off at the Detroit airport... where I will fly out and meet some of the most wonderful mamas I've ever (not) met. I haven't met any in person yet, but I will be meeting 9 others.

That means there will be 10 of us and 10 6-7 month old babies. WHOA! Thats alot of babies in one place. It will be fun to watch them interact with one another.

I fly home on Sunday and then monday starts another busy week...

My month of July has been busy and will continue to be busy... I hate to have it all planned, but am loving what I get to do this month!

Considering... two nights of fireworks, a church carnival, a week with my sister, a week in PA with my family, a weekend with friends in baltimore, and a week at the Springs while Randy is speaking... can't get much better than that!

I need to focus on all the good I have in my life to take my mind from the bad... there is alot of stuff that I would love to rid of my life, but God knows what He is doing and I just need to keep on trusting!

Ok, back to painting... almost bed time for my sweet Sophia... whew!!

4th Anniversary

2009-06-25T17:29:00.000-04:00

Today is my 4th anniversary, and I have to say, its not what I expected.

I haven't even seen Randy today, he left the house around 3 AM to drive to Indiana with a friend so the friend could buy his new car.... that is just the background details.

8:50--- went to the store, or tried to, ran over something, hmm, what is that noise... pull over, oh yes, two keys stuck in my tire, tire losing air, lovely.

9:00--- got to the Blackwells house. thankfully, mike, a guy randy knows drove by and recognized me. took me, and the kids to the Blackwells hous.

10:00--- left the Blackwells and headed to Pamida (should have just gone home)

10:40--- as we were leaving Pamida Sophia wanted to go for a run, and ran across the parking lot. until a nice lady stopped her... she gave me a look like, whoa lady you have your hands full... notice the lady running behing the little girl lugging a baby in the car seat... poor elliot.

11:15-- got home with burger king... ate and got Sophia to sleep. THANK YOU LORD

1:30-- sophia is up and in full swing. its to hot to be outside, so we just stay inside.

(over the course of the day, other things happen, mostly normal things, sophia pounding on her brother, elliot eating, me eating, yadda yadda yadda)

4:45--- decide to go for a bike ride to the park, gotta get out of the house. fight the bikes down from the hanging spot randy had them in. pinched my finger in the process. realized the first biek was randys... grr.. get second one. pump up the tires... then fight to get the wagon down for the kids, have to somehow attach to the back of my bike... sophia falls in swimming pool. realize sadie is gone... get shoes on the kids and go for a walk, oh yeah, put charlie in garage so he doesn't run away. (call randy and cry for a minute) go for a walk in the back woods looking for my dog, I saw her from a distance but of course she wont come. so after getting many mosquito bites i turn back only to see her from a distance. she comes running, i get her to the garage. i wade around the kiddie pool to relieve the itching ankles from walking in the woods. UGH

it is now 5:36, and as soon as elliot is done eating, i'm goin to change him, pack the diaper bag and head to the park with the kids. i plan on riding my bike... but i may not now that i hiked through the woods, also, i'll be able to take chairs and go to the softball game tonight.

Did I mention its my anniversary and I haven't yet seen my husband today?? Yeah, not what I would have expected. Sorry for the rant.... i'm just super tired and frustrated.... could you tell?

Maybe next year will be better?

Am I sensing a repeat?

2009-06-20T15:41:00.000-04:00

So, to start, I wanted to say how good things are. Life is just good. I am making the most of the situations in my path. I am responsible for my own reactions and that has helped. No one can make me happy, but my true happiness comes from the Lord.

With that said, I need to talk about the title of this post.

Last February, we were heading out to Virginia for vacation. I was having terrible pain in my stomach so we went to urgent care. They sent me home with a bill and the kind words that I was fine. On vacation I took a pregnancy test, it was faintly positive... so on the 16th of that month I took another test and it was postive. Woohoo, let the journey begin.

Not long after that the nightmare began of my miscarriage. It was awful and painful and something I never wanted to live again.

Well, the past week I have had an unexplained pain my stomach. Today I woke with a terrible sore throat and so we went to urgent care. They sent me home with a bill and the kind words of what to do to get better.... I'm scared to have the same nightmare starting all over again. I know we aren't suppose to worry or be anxious, but it is so hard right now to not think about it and not think of what is happening in my body right now. I guess lots of prayer right now.

As I type this, my throat is aching and my body is just so tired, but Elliot is laying next to me talking away and telling me its all going to be ok. I love this little boy. Obviously, the end result of that nightmare turned out ok because Elliot came not long after that... now he is 5 months old.

So I guess things do all work out for the best if you give it enough time and prayer. Just getting to the other side is always hard.

Overwhelmed

2009-05-29T23:47:00.000-04:00

I titled this post overwhelmed....

Tonight, I reached a point where I just didn't know where to turn. Every direction in my hosue had a new job to do, something to clean, something to put away, some project half started and never finished. I realized, how am I going to get it all done?

Then I started, one pile at a time, one small step. I went to the spot where Randy complains about the most, the dogs corner. I vacuumed all the hair and got the entry way done, check. Then I started to put away the toys, in which Sophia went behind me and got back out. So we made it a game and she helped. I tried to do a job in Elliots room,b ut with no luck.

There will always be laundry and dishes to be done. And I am truly grateful I have more than enough for my family. I heard once it put this way, when I see my piles of dirty laundry, I can praise God for providing cloths for my family, and when I see mounds of dirty dishes after a meal I can praise God for providing food for my family. When I look at it that way, I have a much better attitude. And even a step further, the house. I am so thankful I have a house and a place to protect my children from the weather.

Sophia said some pretty cute thigns tonight. Looking at pictures on the computer, she was naming the people she saw and was telling me what they were doing in the picture. She is a smart little girl. She didn't want to go to bed, so she stayed up till about 10 on the couch with me. We just sat under the blanket and talked and she snuggled up close to me and sucked her thumb and just wanted to be close. I know there will be a day when she may not want to be as close all the time, so I am cherishing these moments while they are here. My mom often reminds me of how fast it goes and to embrace it now. She is speaking from experience... so I should do what she says huh?

What a week

2009-05-28T10:53:00.000-04:00

I have had a busy week. I'm just not being able to sit and talk about it too.

Last tuesday I spent the day getting ready for the yard sale. I started to feel yucky but just kept going. I ended up getting mastitis, which for those that done know, is a breast infection caused by a blocked milk duct. Very painful. Wednesday it wiped me off my feet. I was fine for a few hours and tried to do more than I should and it completely knocked me down wednesday night. We called and got a prescription and that really helped. Of course, the yard sale must go on.

We had a good 2.5 days of selling our junk. We made around $600 which was awesome. That was $600 more than we had on Wednesday! What a blessing!

Thw weekend was a blur... Saturday Randy's mom came and had lunch then took Sophia home with her. YEAH!! Saturday night we went to a friends house which is always a ton of fun. Sunday we had church then had to run to Walmart to get a few things for our youth night. Then we went to one of the youth leaders house for N'Focus that night. We were there till 9 or so. Then Monday we got up and drove 3 hours to Randy's sister's house, where we picked up Sophia and then came home. We got home after 9.WHAT A WEEKEND!

This week, its thursday already and I still dont feel caught up on things. Tuesday and Wednesday were just regular days here for me at the house, but still, I'm in a daze. The laundry is a mess.... and as much as I try to get caught up we keep making more to do. I dont think I'll ever be done doing laundry!

There are things I need to just let go of and no longer frett over. Alot of things in life are out of my control. I am only responsible for myself and how I respond to situations. I can't control others and act for them. Even at times when I feel like I know what is better, I need to just worry about me. Even my children. I am responsible for them now because they are so little, but I need to not worry about what others think and do whats best for them. So hard to do!

This coming weekend, we are supposed to be at 5 different places at once. How do you ask? Not sure yet, but Randy says not to worry, we'll do it. hehe... it'll be fun trying!

So blessed

2009-05-15T21:20:00.001-04:00

So I heard this song on the radio last week, we were sitting in the mall parking lot of all places. I was feeding Elliot and Randy and Sophia were enjoying a blizzard from Dairy Queen as we waiting. I turned on the radio and this song was coming on. The lyrics have been in my head for awhile... I think it was Martina McBride singing about how blessed she was. And going over all the things in her life that makes her blessed. I thought about this the whole way home from the mall, about 30 minutes and you know, I am also very blessed. I started thinking of all the ways in my head and thought it would be a good post. I'll list them (and this list goes on and on)

1. I have a husband who loves me and I know when he says it he means it. He isn't looking at other women, he is loyal to me. I have his love completely.

2. I have not one, but two beautiful healthy children! They may push my buttons and stretch my patience, but I am blessed.

3. I was able to be pregnant. I have a good friend who bless her heart hasn't been able to carry a child yet, and although they have adopted and they love their son, they still have the desire to give birth. I am so thankful that I am able to but dont understand why God allows some and not others. I keep praying God allows her to have her own. Be like Sarah in the bible (although, not when she is 90) but to have one of her own.

4. We are able to pay our bills. Money may be tight, but God has provided every month and we have not had to go without... always had food and a place to live.

5. Randy has a job! In the hard times right now, he has a job that he loves and he even has a job in the evenings to help pay down the debt a little faster. So many are without jobs right now or soon to be without a job and wondering where the money will come from, but we have a job!

See, that is 5 things, but the list could go on and on! So when you are having a bad day or a day that you wish would be different, stop and think of all the good in your life. The blessings, and it will brighten your day! I often find myself grumbling over the small things. And then the blessings start to pop into my head. I never get far into the list before my day is better.

I hope this post brought you some encouragment tonight. I know its something I need to remind myself of from time to time!

Mothers Day 2009

2009-05-10T23:22:00.000-04:00

So today was Mothers Day. A day completely devoted to Mothers and how special they are. My mother in law said it best to my two year old daughter, today is about mom, every other day is about you but today, its all about mom. I liked that.

At church today, Pastor Doug talked about moms and how to resepct moms. He pointed us to great scriptrues regarding parents and their children.

Proverbs 10:1- A wise son makes a glad father, But a foolish son is the grief of his mother.

Proverbs 6:20- My son, keep your father's command, And do not forsake the law of your mother.

Proverbs 23:25- Let your father and mother be glad. And let her who bore you rejoice.

Proverbs 20:20- Whoever curses his father or his mother, His lamp will be put out in deep darkness (YIKES!)

Proverbs 23:22- Listen to your father who begot you, And do not despise your mother when she is old.

These are the verses he references and took us to while we were studying the scriptures today. I really want to raise my children to love God and serve Him! The last point and the thing that made me really think, Pastor Doug said, the one thing you can give your mom, the greatest gift, to Love God mroe than you love her. And yes, as a mom, I would love to have my chidren tell me that and live it! I have already wrote in their journals that I want them to live for God and love Him with every fiber of them, but that is just perfect. THat is the greatest gift. I would love to see my children someday living for God, serving Him in whatever and everything they do!

Also, another point, I want to teach my son to have a relationship with me. I want him to talk to me and treat me with respect. His future wife will someday be grateful for that. I want Randy to show him how to love me and how to respect me. I believe Elliot will learn how to treat a woman by watching his dad. I am also very grateful that Randy has a good relationship with his mom. He may not always agree with her but he loves and respects her. Something I want Elliot to learn as he grows.

I think mothers should be celebrated everyday.

Making the most of a great day

2009-05-04T22:24:00.000-04:00

So I want to start by saying how much I enjoy mondays. Randy works so hard on Sundays and all week really and monday is our true family day. And we have done our job at keeping it a family day. Guarding it so we keep it that way!

This morning started out great. Elliot slept till 7! I fed him, my favorite feeding of the day, and then I was going to run to the store for milk and going to take him. Sophia woke up and instead of taking Elliot, I took her. So I gave Elliot to Randy and Sophia and I went out. I always pray Sophia behaves as we go into a store and thankfully, God doesn't think those are silly prayers!

After the store, came home and made breakfast, here is the conversation I had with Sophia:

Me: Sophia, do you want mommy pancakes or daddy pancakes?
Sophia: Daddy pancakes
Randy: Do you want daddy or mommy pancakes
Sophia: Daddy pancakes
Randy: Do you want Elliot pancakes?
Sophia: He is to little

I loved it! So I went and back breakfast, then hit the couch. I dont know why I was so tired! Randy was on the smaller couch with Elliot and Sophia was playing and leaving me alone so I could rest, it was great.

Finally we decided to not be lazy on our day but to get a project done, so up we went. We went to the hardware store and then we went out to lunch! Wonderful! We picked up an electric chainsaw and when we got home we went to work.

We cut out the bushes in the front of our house and it really makes a huge difference. WE still have to dig out the roots, but Randy wasn't worried about that today, that will be next monday. But we did so much work and my hands and arms are so sore. Thankfully my children slept most of the time and we were both able to really tackle the project.

I love being able to work next to Randy and help him those projects. We really do make a great team. He is my best friend. I can't imagine walking side by side in life with anyone else. I had the opportunity to choose someone else (two other people actually) and I walked away from those relationships. I'm so glad I did.

After working hard outside, we went and got dinner at the ice cream place in town, it was so neat! We sat outside and ate then got ice cream.

We made the most of this day. We didn't waist a minute. Tonight, Randy had to go to work and I paid bills. That sorta brought me down to reality after such a great day but its amazing, we have enough money to pay our bills! Praise the Lord! We dont have extra this month, which is ok, we dont need extra. WE just need to stick to the plan!

Ok, gotta get some sleep. I have a little one coming tomorrow and I want to get extra sleep. I got lots of fresh air today so maybe tonight will be a good night of sleep : )

A trip to the store(s)

2009-05-01T14:28:00.000-04:00

So, you ever see the commercial where the lady is walking through walmart, with the toddler in the cart and the baby in the carrier and she loses a sock and goes and gets one, then the girl gets a stain on her shirt so the mom goes and gets a new one... and everyone looks so happy and peacefull... you definately know they were acting!

Today, I attempted to be that lady, walking through the store with two little ones. I made the list, and I was being a good girl and sticking to only what was on the list (I only put three things in that weren't on the list! woo, go me!) So I was very worried about it actually, would Sophia not listen, would Elliot think he needed fed in the middle of my adventure?

Well, I got to Walmart to see Sophia was asleep with a sucker stuck to her pants, great! I put the carrier on and strap Elliot in, then I snatched a cart, thankful that not everyone puts them back in the cart carole... oh and did I mention I snagged a front row parking spot! That NEVER happens to me! We get into the store and I pull out the list.. and we are doing great! I spent the whole time talking to Sophia and telling her what was on the list, and what we were putting in the cart... she did great.

I ran into a few friends with their little baby who is only a month old, so tiny and sweet. Elliot isn't so tiny anymore, who am I kidding, was he ever tiny?

So we get into the car, stop one... check.

We head to Sam's Club for dog food, diapers and wipes. Not a big deal right? Well, Sophia didn't want to sit in the cart again, but thankfully I bribed her and she listend. This is when it gets funny.

The dog food, 50 pound bag... remember where Elliot is, strapped to me... not easy. I manage the bag half into the cart, its in, not going to fall out, I'm good.

Now I check out and the lady at the register tells me how polite my daughter is and how good of a job I am doing with her. WOW! I love getting complitments from people out in public like that. I work hard with her and I like that people notice.

So now I'm getting that 50 pound bag of dog food to the van... I strap both kids in the car seats, check, put the other items in the van, now to the dog food. Its a heavy bag, I manage it to the back of the van and flip it over the seat... no room in the back back, has to go into the back seat. The wind is blowing, my hair is a mess (another story for another day) and I look like a million bucks. I have spit up on my shirt, thank you Elliot, and by the time I get back into the van, I am close to $200 poorer and needing a sweat tea from McDonalds. Which I got on my way home : )

So yeah, I bet the security cameras were having a great time recording me and my attempts today. Thankfully it didn't rain on me, and both of my children cooperated and didn't fuss/scream/act out! Thank you Lord! Elliot actually fell asleep on me, so sweet. And Sophia ate her M&M's and was very pleasant!

I also rented 3 movies for tonight, they were only $1 a movie! So I'm going to have a movie night while Randy works...

Ok, gotta go, Sophia is NOT napping and now that she isn't in her crib anymore she thinks she doesn't need one! Yikes!

Sophia, my 2 year old

2009-04-27T22:28:00.000-04:00

So I have this beautiful daughter, she is strong willed, independant but yet she needs me. She needs me to help get food ready, to wash her clothes, to kiss her boo-boos and to protect her from the 'scary' noises she hears.

I have the awesome priviledge to raise this unique little girl! What a blessing! She is truly wonderful and I love her so much, she really is a great little girl.

Today we reached a new milestone... we moved her from her crib to her toddler bed. I saw a mark on her leg from where I think she got it stuck in between one of the slats on her crib and it bruised her leg! ouch! SO I asked Randy to get the toddler bed out of storage for her. After setting it up and getting it all ready and taking all that time on it... where is she sleeping? On the big bed in her room.

See her room is also our guest room when my parents come, or anyone comes to visit, so we also have a queen bed set up in there. She took her nap on that bed today and I think she liked it so much, she thinks that is her new bed. So we set up this toddler bed for what reason? Maybe she'll use it and maybe we'll just sell it in the garage sale this summer. We'll see.

But, I am so blessed to have this little girl, who needs me so much. I love her hugs and kisses and her words now. She is so much fun with her conversations and the things she says every day.

Like this morning, we are all laying in bed, Well, Elliot was in his crib, so just the three of us, and she turned and looked at me, put her hand on my cheek and said "I love you mommy" and then snuggled up to me. It melted my heart. I just want to tuck her under my arm and keep her little forever.

THen I start to think how my parents probably felt the same way aobut me, and here I am, 25 years old with two kids of my own... how my mom probably never thought I would move away and live 7 hours away. It makes me sad to think that Sophia will do that someday, or Elliot too.

I am just loving every day with her and taking it all in. I need to find joy in the days I have with her. Every day with her should be a blessing and I should take full advantage of it!

Ok, I"m going to start crying now. I just love having a daughter... daughters are a blessing. (so is my son though)

Tonight, as I was putting her to bed, she grabbed my hand and said "I want to snuggle" So cute! So I laid down next to her and told her a story and kissed her goodnight and she hasn't moved... I love it. I love her!

Ok, washer is done, need to go switch the clothes and get to bed! So sleepy!

My purpose!

2009-04-26T13:54:00.000-04:00

SO I have been missing church lately. Either due to junior church or nursery or just because of my children being sick... but today I was able to sit and listen and it was great.

God really uses Pastor Doug to bring great messages. I love it! Just from the music to the missionary who shared his struggle and his prayer request to the compassion presentation, it was all pretty gret!

Doug shared having a grace-based relationship with Christ. God's grace is enough for me! How wonderful!

Then in sunday school we are reading through the book, Don't Waist your Life by John Piper ( I read it a few years ago, but never really got into it until now) But I learned how to have joy no matter what I do. Even though I dont leave the hosue on a daily basis to go to a job, my job is my children (and the two little ones I watch) and I need to find Joy in that! It was a challenge to me because I get stuck in the rut and the idea that I dont have a job... but oh I do! My job is to glorify God in all I do! That is my purpose here! To bring glory to God in everything I do!

Well, I need to rest my eyes for a bit. Both Sophia and Elliot are sleeping and I need to take full advantage of that!

I think God will be glorified if I take a nap today, so I am well rested for youth group tonight!

Must stop the bleeding!

2009-04-24T10:47:00.000-04:00

So, Randy and I had a good chat last night about our credit card debt. Wow. Very scary to think that we have let ourselves go like we have. With very little in savgins, which is I think MORE scary! So we have to stop the bleeding.

Here is the plan. Every dollar I make babysitting the two boys will go right to debt, as well as Randy's paychecks from cleaning at night. We will budget what he makes from the church and live off that solely. We will spend cash and cash only. I think I have to leave any piece of plastic at home and if I have no more cash for the month then I am done. Thats it. No more excuses or saying, we'll just pay it off next month. NO MORE!

May will be the first month we try this... we shall see how we do. I may even go back to donating plasma which will give us $240 a month if I go twice a week in the right time frame to get the $60 a month.

WIthout the plasma money, that was just thrown in now, we can have it all paid off, including Randy's student loan and our van by August 2011. Now that is straight through, no bumps or interruptions. That is being very disciplined and not spending anymore extra.

Wow. That is all I have to say. I want to also set up a savings account for both our children and start putting money away for that. If they want to go to college someday that would be great of us to start doing that now! Also, Randy and I want to eventually retire and not have to worry about money, so we are going to have to start putting money aside for that.

I can see where money can be be a big stress on a marriage, but Randy and I have now a firm graspe on our goals and what we want to accomplish. Just staying faithful to those goals is what is going to be so hard. But, we can do it! God will help us. I believe that with all my heart!

Ok, gotta go get Sophia something to eat and get her to rest. At 1:00 I am walking with a good friend and a nap before we go would be wonderful. Elliot is sleeping already on the floor. He fell asleep a little bit ago. Love my children!

10 minute workout

2009-04-23T13:03:00.000-04:00

SO I saw this great DVD workout system this morning, claiming to help get you back in shape for just 10 minutes a day. It was very appealing to me, being a mom with two little ones. I dont have a lot of time to devote to exercise a day and wow, 10 minutes, I could do that! After almost buying it, Randy and I decided not to. A little bummed about it, but really, I dont need it.

I can get up a few minutes early and go run and do that instead. Randy is able to get the kids up and dressed and even feed Sophia breakfast while I am out. I ran a mile on the track and it felt so good. It really took me back to the days when the track was my best friend.

I left Geneva's track team In 2003... just 6 years ago. Hard to believe. Had I never left after that first year, I would have probably graduated in 2006. I got pregnant with Sophia that summer of 06 so who knows if I would have had her, or if I would have married Randy! I look back at all I left behind and wonder what my life would be like had I not walked away. Sure, I probably would have had 3 more great years on the track... medals and school records. Maybe a few national meets. But I look at all I have now that I probably wouldn't have had if I stayed and I can't even imagein my life without them!

It felt great to run again on the track. Some dont like the track and find running in circles boring. Yes, it can be, but today, I needed to start there. Start back where I was great. Is that conceited of me? I have been really feeling down lately, like all I am ever going to be now is a mom. So going back to a place where I loved and where I was good at something really helped today.

Now in just a few minutes I'm goin to pack up the children (kids are baby goats, I didn't give birth to goats) and head to the park to let Sophia play. I feel also that this run this morning energized me to do more! I'm sore from the run, but I feel great.

I may have to make running a regular part of my day.... not just once a week, but get up in the mornings and make it a part of my day. Not sure what will happen when its cold again, maybe Ill have to get a treadmill.... : )

You should do the same! Get up and enjoy the day, make the most of the day God gave you! If you dont believe in God, well, you are missing out!!!!

Terrible Twos

2009-04-22T13:39:00.000-04:00

Ok, I hate that phrase, I hate it because I can handle it what God puts in front of me with His help, but lately, I'm afraid I've been taking it by myself. Sophia has been pushing my buttons, and then add in Elliot who is a definate mommy's boy, and then two other little ones I watch a few days a week, I may need that padded room sooner than later!

Yesterday was an awful day, just couldn't get a break. One child was crying at all time and needed something. When I got them all down, except for Elliot, I just took him and rocked him and talked to him. It was like he needed me just as much as I needed him at that moment.

Bigger news. My new niece who was born April 14 was in and out of the hospital for a few days due to an infection. Scary! Turns out the infection was nothing and she came home. I want to call my sister in law but I dont want to interupt her. I know a new mom needs naps and needs the chance to bond with her baby, so I wont call. I'll text her and if she is able, she will call me. I miss talking to her though. We used to talk a few times a week and now, nothing!

I just realized this morning, that I haven't given Elliot a bottle in over two weeks. Which is great, my plan to nurse as long as possilbe and that is helping, but it also could be bad. He didn't want to take a bottle for Randy this morning and so we may have a problem on our hands! I just wnated a shower, so Randy kept elliot so I could and he fussed the whole time I was gone, and then finally when I was done Randy was about to give him a bottle (of breastmilk) and I came in the room and it was like a light switch... he was fine! And eventually fell asleep. I think we have a true momma's boy on our hands!

Ok, so lets make this post even more random, but I love the show American Idol. Not for the show itself, but I love that the Blackwells come over every week and we watch it together. My adult fix for the week! Last year and year before we would go to their house, which was great, but now with two little ones they come to our house so Sophia can go to bed. I realized today though, that the town troubador from Gilmore Girls looks like Danny Gokey!!! So funny.

I think I'm going to get the Wii out and do a workout. Sophia is still down for a nap and Elliot just went down. Jayson just drank his bottle and is just chillin in the bouncy seat (half asleep)

I am also watching the last episode of season 6 of Gilmore Girls at the moment... soon it will be over... I would love to pop in episode 1 of season 7 but alas, that is still out on loan at the moment. Oh well, life goes on without Gilmore Girls right????

Wonderful weekend!

2009-04-19T18:49:00.000-04:00

So we went to a youth leaders seminar this weekend and got so many ideas for own on student ministries.

One of the thigns I learned, dont call it a "youth group" you can be a part of many youth groups, but call it your student ministries! Make it unique, something they can't get in any other group.

Randy and I talked about where we want to see the group go and have set some great goals! Its awesome how God used one night away (a night that I wasn't even sure I wanted to go too). I had to leave Sophia with Randy's aunt and uncle, which wasn't a problem, I just missed her. Plus I had to take Elliot who is still nursing, so that was always a treat. But God used the speakers and used the material presented to me and I think its going to really help.

It was just great and I really think the two other leaders who went had a great time and took some great stuff from it as well!!

I feel so disconnected from things lately. I know I just had a baby, and that is not helping, but the past three weeks now I haven't been in church to hear Pastor Doug, and I think I need to get his message and listen to it at home. I feel so out of it and I really need that teaching! His messages are always so good, and I know God is using him to present that truth.

During the week I never get out, I have mondays but that is the only day I dont have extra little ones here. Then the next four days I have at least 1 if not 2 little boys here. So that makes getting out and seeing people hard. I live for Sundays and getting to go to church. Being around people is awesome and especially the church family I am a part of. And when you take that away from me, I just shrink and shrink!

But until Elliot stops nursing or doesn't need me all the time, I wont have a chance to be very far from him. Its worth it though, every feeding is worth it though. He is turning into a mama's boy. I love having a son.

Ok, so as you can tell, my post started as one thing and progressed into something else, THere goes my mind, just a wondering!!!

I'm waiting for Randy to get home. After N'Focus tonight he has a deacons meeting... then he'll be home. What a day!

The wonderful weather...

2009-04-16T22:41:00.001-04:00

So I am firm believer now, the warm weather, the sunshine, and the ability to be outside makes one feel better. I had a great day today, knowing I could go outside and get fresh air without putting on layers upon layers! I loved it!

I had a new niece born this week, Isabella Grace. Now, on both sides of the family there is an Isabel and Isabella. Its all good though. I wont be going to see her until July though, sooo long from now!

So a year ago I starting chatting with this group of women on babycenter, then a nice lady started a new board and some women branched off, well in July I think, I joined up with them and we've been talking ever since. Its so great to have the support like that! These women are all across the country and even though I never met any of them face to face, I feel like I've known them my whole life! In July, there is a small number going to be meeting in Maryland and I am so excited to get to meet some of them!

Can I also say, I am in love with my children. They may drive me bonkers (sophia) at times, but how can I be upset at them? I love them so much!

Ok, gotta go to bed, or get ready for bed. Night!

Words of a two year old...

2009-04-10T13:36:00.000-04:00

So, I wanted to share some of the cute things my daughter has said lately, she melts my heart over and over....

Me: I need your help Sophia
SOphia: OK! Give me a 'cauk cauk' (washcloth)

Sophia grabs her keys and the monitor "Bye bye, see you later, going to grand-dad" as she heads towards the door.

As she kisses Elliot's head "Ee-it, you cute"

We were playing one day, and she turns to me and says "I go to wa-mart" (walmart)

We were in the tub the other day, well, she was and she was pretending to lay down, she said "I sleeping in the water!"

And I believe my favorite, hearing her sing, she will sing Twinkle twinkle little star or her ABC's when no one is paying attention or in her crib int he mornings or after she wakes up. I really think she is going to be a singer!

We got her this new piano, and it has a microphone, and she says "Hello Phia" in it, so very cute!

We were quizzing her on her body parts, and she was getting them, even the hard ones she remembered, so randy wanted to trick her and ask her where her calves were, she looked at him and said "I dont know?" and raised her hands.

So even though there are times I want to ship her to grandmas house for a few days because she is driving me bonkers... I love her and I love her words and how well she is talking and how much she talks. (I have no idea why she likes to talk so much, lol)

So for those who are reading and have a small baby, get ready, your child will too melt your heart every day!

Updating on things

2009-04-03T21:50:00.000-04:00

So this post is going to be updating on things going on.

First, Randy and I have put off the daycare idea. We are goin to continue to watch the two I watch and if we decide to pursue something, it would be later. I am just trying to make it day to day doing what I do. When Elliot and Jayson are older, it may be easier to handle the thought, but for right now, I'm doing just fine with what I'm doing.

Lately, I've just reached a standstil. I'm not sure what is going on with me. Its like, I do the same things everyday and I just need to find purpose. I knwo what it is supposed to be and I hear it every week at church but by friday, I've just reached a point of being so tired I just can't think anymore.

I doubt myself, I doubt that I am a good mother or wife, that I can't take care of my house or do the work I do. I doubt so much that after awhile, I start to believe it. When I know I am supposed to focus on what is true not what is false.

Randy gets on me about thinking this way, he always encourages me to focus on the truth instead of what isn't true... something that is hard for me.

Randy is working tonight and just texted me that he was going to be midnight or later. Thats 2 more hours at least. I know he is wokring this second job right now to help get a bigger shovel to get rid of our debt, but its just hard ya know. I feel like we never see each other and when we do we have screaming children to deal with. He doesn't know what it is like to be around them all day and night and have to deal with them alone like I do. I may have to take Elliot with me tomorrow and go do a little retail therapy shopping. That sometimes helps things!

Ok, gotta go switch the laundry and try to get some sleep. Elliot took a bottle tonight (of formula) its friday and I'm exhausted, that is of nursing too. One bottle isn't goin to hurt him. He drank it and went to sleep, so hopefully he is out for the night to give me a few hours at least!

2 years later....

2009-04-01T09:56:00.001-04:00

I woke up this morning to my son crying it took me back to two years ago...

March 31 I woke up and was wondering when this baby would be born... Later that day we thought, oh boy, this is going to happen soon.

at 4:58, April 1, 2007 Sophia Elizabeth came into the world and changed our lives forever. She is a bright spot in a cloudy day and definately a joy to my life. I know true happiness can't be found in a human, but I tell you, she makes me pretty happy!

THat morning of April 1, I was just praying to meet this baby, who we weren't sure yet boy/girl, so I was anxious to meet my new baby. When the doctor said "Its a girl!" I started to cry, and when they handed her to me, I was in love, completely and 100% in love with this baby.

Taking her home was an adventure. I never saw Randy drive as slow as he did on that day, very careful of every turn and every bump in the road. He first road trip was home as we had her in the hospital 1 hour from home.

The past two years have gone fast and at times have been really challenging with her growing and learning, but I wouldn't change it for anything.

God has blessed me, giving me a daughter, and the opportunity to raise her to be a woman of the word and to Love God! I hope and pray as she grows I can be a good role model of what a Christian woman is to be like and she will have a good example of a lady, a wife and a mother. What HUGE shoes to fill and live up to!

I had a great role model in my mother, so I am praying I can do the same.

Well, as I type, I have a little one lying next to me, Jayson, and My little guy Elliot is awake and ready for me to get him from his crib.

So the daydreaming must end for now!

Two years ago...

2009-03-29T16:07:00.000-04:00

Two years ago today... (I've been doing alot of thinking like this lately)

I was HUGE pregnant with Sophia and ready to have her. Of course, I didn't know she was a girl, and just kept wondering what my little baby was going to be. I loved not knowing. If we have a third baby, thats the way we will go. I dont want to know next time.

I was still 3 days away from the day, not knowing that of course, I was anxious every single day. We would go for walks, I would walk down the street to the church to see Randy once a day, just for fun, then continue to walk around the block, hoping it would wiggle the baby out.

March 29th, I was just ready!

Looking back now, it seems like it happened all yesterday. I can remember walking into the hospital with the though "Oh stink, I can't do this, what was I thinking, getting pregnant, I can't be a mom, I can't have a baby, I'm to young, I need my mom" But I did it, and I have survived 2 years with my beautiful daughter. THere are days I wonder if we are goin to make it. Then there are the moments where I wake up to her snuggling up to my back and rubbing it sucking on her thumb. I turn over, she gives me a smile and says "hi mommy" Those are the mornings Randy has gotten her up and let me sleep in and brought her back to bed with him so she can snuggle and watch cartoons in bed with us.

I have to say, she is a wonderful little girl, and I really am blessed to have her. God had given me a beautiful daughter, inside and out, and I look forward to see how she grows and I pray she grows in the Lord. I pray she walks side by side with Christ and lets HIM have her life. That is my prayer for my little Sophia right now.

Well, the bible study group is meeting at my hosue tonight, and I want to continue the tornado clean up job I was working on, but I got side-tracted, no surprise there! The living room is almost done, the kitchen has been started BUT the bathroom is done! Woo!!! See, I'm not being completely lazy and addicted to this darn computer. I do enjoy being online, but I am trying to stay away a little more... focus on more important things = )

Ice Skating

2009-03-29T03:07:00.001-04:00

Why do people go ice skating? Put these funny boots on your feet with blades on the bottom and go on a big oblong shape ice.. and go in circles, and put themselves in risk of falling and hurting themselves. Why? Because why not!

I haven't been ice skating in years, and it reallly took me back tonight to my younger years, of growing up and waiting for "the pond" to freeze. Getting all bundled up with goofy hats from grandmas bin of mismatched hats and gloves and going out and playing hockey. I can remember trying to do figure skating moves with my cousins and we had a blast! We would have some sing songs while you did your routine, and we always tried to do special stunts. THEN on some weekends when we started driving, we would make the 20 minute drive to the actual ice arena and go skate where we would try to show off the mad skill we had. (My skill was trying not to fall)

It really took me back though and I had a great time remember what it was like, Steph, Mandy, Lex and Robyn and I would enjoy the few times we could actually skate on my Grandmas pond a winter. Life seemed so simple back then. I like that simple life.

On another note, I was actually able to go because some good friends said they would watch my children. Praise the Lord! I got to go be Sara for the night instead of "moma" Now there is nothing wrong with being mommy, but sometimes, its super nice to get out of that and just be an adult without a child hanging on you. But by the end of the night, I was ready to hear that beautiful word "Mommy!" when I came in the house.... Its a word I hold dear to me, because my little Sophia says it, I love that child!

So here I am, awake at 3 AM, long story, you'll have to ask me why I was up, when my children are both asleep and Elliot did not need to eat. I wont put it on here, but go ahead and ask if you really want to know.

Well, I'm off to hopefully drift back asleep. I am constantly listening for my baby boy to cry out for me to say "mommy I'm hungry, please come get me!" But he hasn't, he wouldn't eat when we got home and I tried to feed him at 11, so we put him to bed expecting him not to make it all night, so far, its been since 8 that he ate (7 hours) and I'm hoping he goes another 4 at this point, but if its sooner than that, I'll deal with it.

Day Care

2009-03-26T22:02:00.000-04:00

So, today Randy had this idea, to finish our room in the garage, that is a family room, actually its a mess really, and turn it into a daycare room. He wants me to look into getting my license so I can take on more children and go about it legally.

I am currently watching two little boys, an almost 2 year odl and a 7 week old, and I love it. I really feel like God has blessed me with the ability to take care of children and have the patience to deal with them. He has even mentioned taking out a loan to finish the room this summer so I can start up this fall.

I realize daycare ties you down greatly to your house and it may not be everything I have in my mind, but I could do it for a few years until my children are in school, and then even continue. We dont do things to simply make money, but if I did the math right, it could create a nice sum of money each month, which would help out tremendously!!

So the process to do this, first we need to see what getting a license will take, how hard it is to maintain, and all the little things we will need to do to get it, Then we need to borrow the money to get the room ready. The room right now, is a cement floor that is gross and yucky. It is also the home of our dogs, which I'm not sure what would happen to them. One person told me you can't have dogs when you own a daycare, but I have seen a daycare in town with a fenced in yard with dogs in it, with children. But she may not have a license, she could jsut be doing what I'm doing.

Oh, and then the fun part, the name. Not sure where to even begin! I hate the thought of being tied down everyday, but like the thought of being able to make money at doing what I really enjoy.

So, if you are reading this, please pray for me. This is a decision I want to really pray and seek the best for our family. So if doing a daycare is what I feel led to do, then so be it, but I really want to not jump into it without really thinking it all out. So, the next few days/weeks even I am going to pursue what is best for our family. I think it may be kind of fun, but we will just have to see.

The two little boys I watch now are so dear to me. THe one I have been watching for a year now and I love him, he has become a litle son to me, I take care of him like he is one of my own, and then am glad to give him back to mom later. The new little guy I have only had two days so far, but he is a sweetheart as well. I have enjoyed every minute with him!

Ok, so tomorrow is going to come fast, and hopefully Elliot will go to bed here in a few minutes and sleep till 6... heres hoping at least!

2009-03-25T14:48:00.001-04:00

Start of something good here!

2009-03-25T10:44:00.000-04:00

Ok, so yesterday was crazy. But good.

I started watching the second little one, which had its own challenges. LIke when feeding time came, and both Elliot and Jayson both wanted fed... I managed though, they both got fed! I was able to get them both to sleep, by rocking them, at the same time... wow, I give my mom major credit for having twins! Not as easy as I thought it would be. And I take it back, I no longer secretly want twins, I'm done with that thought!

Randy said Elliot had to sleep in his own room, so against what I watned, I put him in his crib now for two nights. THe first night I ended up bringing back to our room,b ut last night, he stayed in his crib all night. HE slept great, and so did I. Oh well, I guess he can't stay my little baby for ever. Although, he is getting more fun with his facial expressions and his noises, so its all good. I told Randy he is going to have to give me away when Elliot gets married someday, I dont want him to ever leave me!

On bigger news maybe, well, maybe equal value as Elliot sleeping almost through the night, Sophia used the potty today and then came to me a second time and wanted to go. We sat there for a few minutes until she finally went, but it was wonderful!!!! I didn't want to push her so I was just praying she would get the hint and start on her own, well, she tried it today!! YEAH!!!

Ok, so Jayson is stirring and so I'm going to get a bottle ready for him, hopefully Elliot can wait till Jayson is done. He should be ok, If Sophia leaves him alone! She just loves to hold him and help out, yikes!

Trying it out

2009-03-23T22:31:00.000-04:00

So, I knew this day was coming, and its here I'm afraid, the night Elliot sleeps in his own crib in his own room. He is there now, sleeping and looking very peaceful I might add. I put Sophia in her own room at 2 months, he is now 2.5 months, so a little later than her. I have the monitor on and am afraid I will sleep with it in my hand waiting for him to make a peep. Maybe tonight will also be the night he sleeps through the night entirely... oh.... so nice!

So the topic of more children keeps being brought up by a few people... as much as I want to say 'sure, I'll have more children someday' I really dont know if we will. It'll take a lot of prayer and alot of talking and thinking to really get us to that point. Sophia and Elliot are cute, but they are expensive and money is an issue, we dont make alot. Yes God has always provided for us and He will always be there, but we also need to be responsible and not go crazy and have more children than we can financially take care of. Hard to make that decision though when I am so stinkin sleep deprived!

I start my new job tomorrow... I am now watching two little ones on top of my own two. I have taken on a new infant, 3 weeks younger than Elliot. I will have him three days this week for 8 hours a day. So with that money, plus the other little guy I watch, it'll be right around $100 a week, on average. It may be more and probably will be more most weeks, so that will be an average of $400 extra a month. THat will help out so much in the bill department and paying down debt. So with my money from watching the little ones, and Randys extra money he makes from cleaning in the evenings, we just got ourselves a bigger shovel to help dig our way out of debt! We just need to tell ourselves NO and to STOP SPENDING MONEY ON THINGS WE DONT NEED. lol... thats so hard to live out!

Ok, I think Elliot is very comfy in his bed, I should try to get a few hours of sleep before he needs me again... wont be long and he'll be like his sister and sleeping 12 hours a night and only needing me to get him a sippy of milk...

Goodnight!

Diving In!

2009-03-19T09:47:00.001-04:00

So, I have been looking at ways to work our budget to save money. One thing I havve done, leave the credit cards at home! Shoot, I may send them to work with Randy, online shopping is just as bad!

Anyway, I have invested some time and thought into the cloth diapers market. After talking to some ladies on the wonderful january birth board I belong to, I went ahead and did it, I have three now and the rest are coming.

Dont get me wrong, I'm not doign it b/c its better for the environment or for my baby. I used the disposable diapers for Sophia and she never had diaper rashes other than one or two when she has been sick and teething. She will continue with them until she is potty trained.

So, I have 15 bum genius diapers, they are all in ones, where I just have to stuff the liner and put them on him and wash the whole thing. And I will have 15 prefolds and 3 covers. I was told I dont need a cover per diaper I can use the same cover more than once between washings. So that gives me 30 diapers. (I just bought 12 more BG and had 3 already)

Randy is actually excited to try this with me. He wants to know how to take care of them to get the most use out of them. I figure, I have just under $300 invested so far and I am pretty sure I wont have to buy more over the course of Elliots diapering days. But even if I do, it is still cheaper than buying diapers every month! You could easily spend between $2500-$3000 on diapers over the course of 3 years (lets me honest, most children are not potty trained in 2 years, most take longer!)

I bought my diapers online at www.cottonbabies.com and would be happy to help you out if you are interested in finding out more or going cloth yourself for you little ones. Yes, it may be gross to wash all the diapers, but if I am saving money, then its worth it!

And you dont use that much laundry detergent to wash the diapers, so you aren't spending more on soap than diapers, so it does equal out!

On other news, Sophia was laying next to Elliot this morning and just chomped down on his hand, and left marks. Oh it made me so mad! She does little things like that to get my attention and oh it worked today! She may spend her whole day in timeout today!!

My gift

2009-03-18T12:21:00.000-04:00

So lately, I have been really wondering what my Sprititual gift is. I know God has blessed me, but was searching for what that is. Well, I think I am figuring it out!

I have always loved children, reason why I have two and two close in age : ) Well, I started watching a little boy last year around this time, well, maybe longer, can't remember. Anyway, I started watching him again after Elliot was born. My 'maternity leave' was up and Caidan comes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Well, recently another friend contacted me to watch her little guy, Jayson, who is still very little. Just a few weeks younger than Elliot. So I'll have two extra little ones.

Now, I will be getting paid, which makes it nice to have a little extra money, but I really am happy to get the chance to help out two families. I am blessed to not have to go to work. Randy works extra hard so I can stay home with our children, but this is my way of giving back.

Will it be hard? Well, what would you think, I will have a 2 year old, an almost 2 year old and two infants under 3 months... yes, it will be a challenge. But I am up for it. I find myself more productive when I have more responsibility. Lets take today, I am still in my pj's at 1235... but days when I have more on the schedule I find myself getting more done.

God is good. We have been praying for a little extra money and this is just what we were thinking! I dont want to have a daycare, but this is just a small way to bring in a little more money and still be able to stay at home while doing so! Its awesome!

Another busy day

2009-03-16T13:19:00.000-04:00

So, no surprise, we had a busy weekend. I went "home" last week to PA and spent Monday thru Friday at my parents house. While I was there I saw my siblings and family and loved it. Randy came and picked me up on thursday night and we made it home safe and sound on Friday.

Saturday I watched a friends two girls for the day, from 11:30 till Sunday! It was crazy. A 7 year old, two 2 year olds and a newborn, what a busy day! It was all good though, I survived : )

Sunday was good, great actually. got a chance to hear God's word shared and really contemplated some awesome scriptures!

Elliot had his 2 month check up today, he is growing and developing right along where he should be. What a beautiful baby he is, I'm so in love!

At Winter Jam, Randy adopted a little baby boy from India for our youth group to support. I saw his picture and my heart fell in love. I really started thinking about adoption and bringing a child like that into my life. I wasn't sure how Randy would feel about it and honestly, it is a HUGE committment on our parts. Its not something I'm going to jump into yet, but this little baby boy is so cute. He was born in June and was a premie, found in a garbage can, and is still in the hospital/orphanage. Not sure where that will take us, but maybe it is something that will open up for us. Randy is actually really on board with it. I feel very blessed to have two of my own children, but giving a child a better life and opportunities that he/she may not have otherwise, that would be awesome. Definatley something we need to pray about and continue to seek God's guidance on.

I am sitting in my living room, Randy is sleeping on the couch, Elliot is sleeping on the floor, all spread out, and Sophia is in her crib sleeping. I should try, but its so nice to see them all sleep. I pray that this nap is very good for all three of them. They are all so tired and exhausted. Well, maybe not Elliot, but the other two are!

Blessings blessings blessings!

2009-03-13T20:29:00.001-04:00

So I just got home, a few hours ago, from PA. It was wonderful!! I went without Randy for the week, which was very hard, but all in all it was a good time. My parents really enjoyed having me there with Sophia and Elliot. They miss them when we dont get a chance to visit, and I could tell my mom was itching to see Elliot again.

I got to see three of my four siblings, one niece, and go shopping alot with my sisters and my mom. The days were lazy at times and busy at times. The evenings usually were spent preparing dinner for everyone and two of the four nights I was there we had everyone over. It was a great week.

As nice as it was to go, coming home was nice too. I love where we live and the people here and my house! Even though Randy didn't do much in terms of cleaning while I was gone, it was nice because it makes me feel needed. Silly, sure, but he would be so lost without me. I feel like its my purpose or part of it, to clean the hosue for him and take care of it. He has enough going on with his job he doesn't need to worry about it! I am just very blessed that he works as hard as he does so I can stay home with our two little ones.

Well, a few mintues ago, I was in the bathroom doing laundry, and the dogs were barking... yikes! Home alone, dark out, and the dogs bark... it was a lady from church bringing us a big box of food! It was hamburger meat, steaks, roasts, all sorts of yummy food! She said she got a half a cow and had more than her family could eat and she ran out of room, so she thought of us!!!! The way God works amazes me. This month we paid down a little more on debt, so our food budget has to be spread out, but this will help out a ton!! Definately enough big parts to meals that all we have to do is come up with the little things.

I love how God works. No matter how little I show my gratitude to Him, He is constantly providing! I dont know why I am so surprised by His goodness, because God is always good, but I am so grateful!

Sophia went to bed at 730, Elliot just ate and is sleeping soundly on the couch next to me and I have a basket of clothes to fold... but I may skip that for now and get to it later. Maybe... I am really tired tonight and just want to curl up with a movie and sleep. Both children are, I think I should be too!

Goodnight! Thanks for reading my random thoughts!

A wonderful day!!

2009-03-08T21:36:00.000-04:00

What a great day! God really is amazing, duh right!

I was able to get a bottle ready for Elliot and I truly believe its because God wanted me to hear what Pastor Doug wanted to share in church today. It was great, he talked about how my response is my responsibilty. No matter what happens in my day, I can control how I respond. Something I find myself struggling with. Even lately, I find myself getting frustrated with my children, with Randy and todays message really convicted me and my way of doing things.

I realized today, that I can never have a bad day again, I can choose to let the situations around me influence my day, or I can let the things that dont go my way, go, and choose to have a good attitude. I never wnat to have another bad day.

Then tonight in youth group, and a little in sunday school today, we talked about what is our purpose on earth, why were you created. It really made me thing as well. Its not that I was created to make God happy, He doesn't need me to be happy, or for His glory, but what is awesome, GOD wants me. He may not need me to do His work, but He wants me. I think that is even better than needing me, that He wants me. Its just awesome.

We really challenged the teens tonight to make your days purposful, to really live each day to glorify God in our decisions and actions and its something I can do as well. I am not in high school anymore, but I can still relate it all my every day life!

Gods word is amazing, and there is always something you can learn and use in your life.

I would be so lost without God's word and without my relationship I have with Christ. First of all, I would be going to hell and no one wants that! And second of all, I am never alone! I have unconditional love, somethign my husband or parents or children can give me. They may love me, but not like God does. That kind of love is indescribable really... its amazing.

Ok, I just got word that our furnace has water around it due to the amount of rain coming down... ugh... but we'll deal with it and move on, and praise God for a house and a place to stay dry!

A great day with some great people

2009-03-07T20:56:00.000-05:00

So today it rained all day, kind of a gloomy day, but we went to a wedding, and the wedding was so wonderful!

Here is a little history for you... the summer of 2004 I was visiting Randy in Reed City and there was a girl named Emily who just graduated from high school and just was going to find a job for the summer. I offered a job at Slippery Rock Baptist Camp and she thought it sounded like fun. So two days later we are in the car heading to PA for the summer. She had so much fun and it was an awesome summer. Well, she liked PA enough she moved back and lived out that way until recently. Well, she met a nice young man and they got married today! I can't take any credit for it, but I was a tool God used in putting that couple together!

AND, to make it even better, PAstor Dave married them, in Reed City, the church Randy and I started at as a couple. It was awesome. He was so surprised when we walked into the room... I loved it. God does things in only ways HE can forsee and make happen. I never thought that was going to happen, but it did!

I had a great visit with him, and with everyone from the reception. Kind of nice to see people from "home" in my new home. Doesn't happen very often, so when it does, its extra special.

We are loosing an hour of sleep tonight, as if I need any help in that department! So we attempted to get Sophia to bed sooner and it worked! Her little body is exhausted and was ready for sleep.

Oh, more big news. We are going to try cloth diapers for Elliot. I did the math and its going to save us lots of money over the course of the time between now and diaper free days... so its all going to be good. I am washing them now and I will start tomorrow! I only bought 3 to start, but I am pretty sure I will be ordering more. 3 will not last me very long! The way this little guy goes, it will only be a few hours! before I need to wash again! lol

Ok, so the clock says 9, but its really 10, so I may head to bed soon. Although I am wired up right now, maybe a few more minutes of cleaning but now that I sat down, that is probably not going to happen!

The words of my daughter

2009-03-07T10:49:00.000-05:00

So Sophia is just about 2, April 1 is the day, and lately she has just become a talker. I have been told they know where she gets it from, both Randy and are talkers, and when I was little, around my family, I talked all the time. Ask my brothers, they'll tell you!

Lately, the funniest things come out of her mouth! This morning, Randy was getting ready to help the neighbors and she wanted to get dressed, So Randy took her and put her in an ourfit and she grabbed the car keys that were on the floor and said bye to me. Well, Randy left the house and she started crying, with keys in her hand, and tears going down her face, she said "Want go walmart" I was in shock for a second so I asked her if she wanted to go to walmart, and she said yes, and repeated her statement. Now this was extra cute because her keys were in hand... I love her, she is so cute!

She also tells me when she has boogers in her nose... she'll come over and lift her head back and show me, mama, I got boogers. And ask for a tissue.

I honestly believe she is a talker today at 2, because I have always talked to her. I have explained what we are doing along the way, even when she was little, like 6 weeks even. I tell her what we are doing, in the car I talk to her, getting her dressed, in the tub... I have always talked to her. And not in baby talk... as she's gotten bigger I stopped that when she was very little and I think its helped her.

Honestly, I did nothing, God made her and is making her smart like she is. He is just using me to teach her, He is working through me to teach her and help her in life. I love having that job!

Ok, so its now 11 (or almost) and I need to start getting ready. We are going to a wedding today at 2, and should probably leave around 1 or shortly after, that means, I have less time to get ready! Sophia is attempting to take an early nap... and Elliot just ate, so I should be in the clear to get a shwoer and start getting ready... we'll see : )

Slow Fade

2009-03-05T11:03:00.000-05:00

I've heard the song, Slow Fade, by Casting Crowns before, but I heard it just now while eating lunch with Sophia and it really hit me!

The one line said, people dont crumble in a day, families dont crumble in a day... and it really made me think!

It is so easy to slowly fade away from Christ and the relationship one has built with him. For me, I think I am a good person, I love God and I have a relationship, I have put my faith and trust in Him. I know if I were to die today, I would be in the presence of my Savior in heaven, but I have become so content staying where I am comfortable! I want to be comfortable, but I also want to make my life count for something, I want to do something with the life God gave me!

We are reading Dont Waiste your Life by John Piper in our sunday school class. I have read the book before, but only got half way through because its hard to read and be told that you are waisting your life. This life isn't mine... I didn't do anything to deserve it. God has given me this life... He gives me every breath I breath, so why don't I in return, use every breath I breath for HIS glory?

I watch Sophia and Elliot and think of the kind of mother I want to be for them. I want to be the mom that they can tell their friends they want to be like. A woman who fears God and strives to please Him.

Yesterday was a rough day... Sophia was really pushing my buttons and the limits. I told Randy I wasn't sure if I would make it to her 5th birthday because she was going to make me go crazy. But I was trying to raise her alone, without asking God for help.

A friend asked me yesterday how I manage children and a husband, how do I spread my time out. I think its hard, but you have to remember, I was a wife first then a mom. I need to treasure my time with Randy and really guard that special time so our relationship doesn't suffer. I want my children to see that I am in love with Randy. I dont want them to think their parents dont love each other, because we do.

So many new things racing through my head today. I want to write a book, but it would be all random thoughts and random pieces and no one would ever read it. thats ok.

I start back to "work" today. The littel boy I watch is coming at 1 till 6. Sophia is down for a nap so hopefully she'll wake up after he is here and will be in a good mood.

Ok, my random thoughts are done... just thought I would share.

Vacation Update

2009-03-04T09:28:00.000-05:00

So here I am, two days now home from Florida, and I'm just starting to recover, or am I?

We flew out on the 23rd of Feb and it was all in all a good time. We had an extra seat for Sophia which worked out great. Randy and I had to go out and get a few things we didn't want to pack and so Beega (Randy's mom) loved holding Elliot while we were gone. sophia went to bed. That was a rough night for her,she did NOT want to sleep!

The week was fun, it flew by, but we made the most of it. We did a lot of shopping, swimming, eating and relaxing. Notice I didn't put alot of sleeping, lol, Elliot is still very much a mommmas boy and loved getting up at night to be with me. But he seemed to really thrive in Florida. He rolled over, yes, you read that correctly, from his belly to his back... yikes! He is also very talkative and has learned to smile. So precious.

The flight home was rough, Sophia really tested us. I am so sad she acted that way and I am also realizing how easy it can be to give in to her every cry. But in order to not let her get away with things we have to be firm now. Very hard. she has also resorted to hitting me... oh that makes me mad. But I have kept my cool and dont retaliate.... as hard as it is not to... I just hold onto her a little tighter and let her kick and scream and try to talk to her. So hard though, being a part of a two year old is rough!!!

I did get a boo boo while there, so silly on my part. I had picked up my father in laws excercise thing... lack of a better word... and it snapped and got my face. It hurt so bad and I have a very pretty cut that is now bruising and will probably have a scar, but I am ok. Its tender and its ugly, but whatever. Thankfully it didn't get my eye.... so whatever, I'm over it.

I also feel as though I'm coming down with a cold... boo hoo... I am just going to ignore it and eat right and try to get some rest... maybe it'll go away? maybe just maybe?

Ok, so I'll probably do another post later today, more on my mind just not enough time right now. I need to go eat.... just not that hungry. Being sick will do that to a person.

3 hour nap

2009-02-21T20:14:00.000-05:00

So we had a busy day, ha, busy week and month really ( I have a busy life ) Well, we had a busy day and I had been packing and cleaning all day. We went to a friends anniversary party at church today and afterwords I laid Sophia down and went to feed Elliot. He ate very well, burped and I laid him down and next thing I know its 3 hours later... whoa. I haven't slept that hard and good for so long. I worry now though that Sophia took just as late of a nap with me that she may not sleep for awhile... Elliot is still sleeping, but thats to be expected. All that boy does is eat, sleep and poop. Gotta love that life!

I am just so thankful for our wonderful church family. When Randy and I got married we were serving in a church in Reed City. The people were great there, but it wasn't what we thought it would be. The church needed someone with experience with leadership, something Randy wasn't able to bring. So after much prayer and many discussions, we made the decision to move. We started in Clare the first week in March of 2007. Hard to believe its been almost 2 years now!

The ministry here is so awesome. The people are all eager to learn and willing to help. I don't feel like its work for Randy, but its our church. We said last week that its sad we won't get to go to church as a family because of Randy's involvement with the service, but its ok! He has such an awesome opportunity to lead the music and lead the youth, I love it.

When we were in Reed City, I would think that our children would not grow up there, I couldn't picture it. Here, I am already putting Sophia in school and doing after school activities. Which makes my mom sad that we are making these plans and having long term plans here, but its awesome. I have made some great friends here. Other moms with little ones, and moms with kids who are older. I love it!

God has really blessed us in giving this ministry! Pastor Doug has such a love for the word of God and to teaching it. I have learned a lot from him over the past two years. What is very funny, we canidated, accepted the job and then it occurred to me that we never heard Pastor Doug preach. It made Randy and I both laugh to think that we never heard him preach. We just knew it was the church for us that it didn't really matter.

So, now I am well rested :) and we are leaving for Florida in a day and a half, so I should really get packed and ready to go. I don't want to leave it for tomorrow afternoon... packing last minute is always bad for me, I forget important things waiting till the last minute!

Ok, gotta put dinner away, it was Randys night to cook, so he ordered pizza and had it delivered because we are in a blizzard... ok, maybe just a snow storm, but it looks like a blizzard out there! Hey I dont care what we had or what he made, I didn't have to think about it, or make it. All I have to do is put it away! I love my husband!

Cloth Diapers

2009-02-20T10:14:00.000-05:00

So, I never thought I would even be considering the thought of cloth diapers, but after doing some math and realizing how much money we spend on something we just throw away, I am doing some reconsidering.

I have some friends, thanks jan mommies, who are giving me tips and where to buy them at. I have looked at them and I dont see how hard it can really be.

In terms of money, it would be about $400 up front, but with that money I would hopefully have enough diapers to last me until Elliot is potty trained. Um... lets look at this... $400 now, or $3000 over the course of 3 years... not so hard when you look at it that way!?

I would still have some disposables on hand for at night, maybe, or for long trips to PA.

So much to think about! I could even buy a few for Sophia... and then let Elliot use them when she is potty trained.. which hopefully will be very soon :)

So I should really get off the computer and get my house cleaned. We are having some friends over tonight and well my house is in no shape for visitors! yikes! Hopefully my children will let me get stuff done... hmm.. here's hoping!

So tired...

2009-02-17T22:55:00.000-05:00

So, I am so tired right now, I am starting to not think straight. I can't put a full sentence together at times, I forget what I'm doing half way through it... I get distracted very easily... there will be an end to this right? Elliot will give me a full night of sleep eventually right?

I dont want to give up on nursing so selfishly I can sleep. Because I would still have to get up to feed him, just not nursing him. Then I would have to mess with making a bottle... although I could have Randy help out more..

I had a terrible evening though. I reacted terribly to Randy and I feel terrible about it. I just wanted to get out of the house today and didn't want to take both kids with me... so I had to wait for Randy to get home. He wasn't feeling well, and I just snapped.

Makes me think of what pastor Doug said on sunday, my response is my responsibility. I am in charge and can change how I react to a situation. Even though I haven't slept in oh who knows how long, can't even remember now, I can still react in a good way. How hard is that?! Oh so hard!

Elliot is such a blessing and I love him so much. He is so sweet :)

So, here are a few goals before, well, no time limit on them I suppose, just a few goals I have...

1... organize my house! I want it to be clean... and stay clean.
2... run a marathon... if we have a third baby, and now is not the time to make that decision, I want to run a marathon before that baby shows up.
3... train to be a medical transribist... lol, I spelled that wrong, and earn some money so I can contribute to the financial situaion
4... potty train my daughter! (this one can happen tomorrow!)

So many things I want to do in my life... in the future, near future and just in general.

But, I have to take it all day by day. I only am given today, and shouldn't focus on the future.

Ok, I think Randy is ready to go to bed finally... so I"m going to take my wide awake son and put him to bed, I am praying he goes right down for me... maybe he'll sleep a long time tonight! Oh that would be great!

1 month old

2009-02-14T10:02:00.000-05:00

Today Elliot is one month old. Hard to believe its only been a month, yet it seems like the month has gone fast at the same time. Hard to describe. This past month has been great but so much has changed. We went from a family of 3 to a family of 4. Bringing a new baby home changes everything.

But not only is today Elliots one month birthday, it is also Valentines day. La-de-stinkin da... haha... Even though I have RAndy this is just another day. I can celebrate my love to him every day, I dont need a day like today to do so. But I did wake up this morning and made him a chocolate cake. I was going to have it done last night but I ran out of energy, so I made it this morning.

We are going out tonight, on a couples date night. I want to go out with him, but I would rather go to dinner and then come home, not be gone the whole evening. We have some good friends watching Sophia and Elliot. I dont want to leave him for as long as we are going to be gone. We are dropping him off at 4:30 and wont be back till close to 10... thats almost 3 feedings!! I am such a planner and want to feed him right before we drop him off, then it'll only be 1 maybe 2 while we are gone...

Elliot slept great last night. He ate at 6, 9, 12:30 and then 4:30 then not again until 8:30. He is starting to get a real pattern at night! I say that now and then tonight he'll have a terrible night.

So, I'm not sturggling with Elliot, but with Sophia. She is becoming very defiant and doesn't want to listen. She is constantly trying to sit on Elliot in his swing, push the swing very high or she'll just go over and hit him in the head. I have tried to give her special one on one time without Elliot but it doesn't seem to be working! I know raising children can be hard, and if I let her get away with things now I'll have a harder time controlling her as she grows.

Oh, on a lighter note, I enjoy a freshly fallen snowfall on Christmas morning, not valentines day! Snow snow go away! The only thing making the snow ok, a week from monday I will be in sunny Florida with my inlaws! Its only for a week, but its ok, a week of sunshine will be nice! Sophia enjoys her Beega.. so hopefully we have a nice week!

Better go get ready for the day. I have a hot date tonight! Without my two attachments on me... Oh my the chocolate cake smells so good... I may have a hard time not eating it!

No more sleep

2009-02-12T21:32:00.000-05:00

So I have decided, that no matter how much I want sleep, its just not going to happen. I just have to learn to function on the little slepe I get. Elliot just loves me so much he wants his one on one time with his mom during the night when no one can interupt us. Sophia can't climb up and try to kiss him while he is eating or hit him while he is eating or poke him in the head while he eats... just him and I.

Last night it was rough, every time I finished feeding him and laid him back down he was up again trying to eat his hands. I think he hit a growth spurt... because he is sure bigger today than even yesterday! The check out lady at walmart today was amazed how big he was at 4 weeks old. Yes, he is a big boy. I also saw my doctor again at walmart, twice now I have seen him there. A little awkward but whatever. Being a baby doctor is just another job I suppose!

So I am doing the gospel challenge, and today I read Matthew 1-4. I started the 5th chapter, but thought I would wait for tomorrow, its a good book and I wanted to spend some more time in it! Such an awesome challenge to read through the four gospels!

I am going tomorrow to get my hair done too! Randy told me to set up my appoinmtment... so ready to sit in a chair and not be bugged or poked or asked to do anything! I may have a hard time staying awake for that amount of time! So ready to be pampered!

I love how my daughter says no to everything, do you like ketchup, no. Were you a good girl, no (that one is most of the time correct too)

Well, my son is needing me. So I have to finish this up and take care of my hungry boy. Oh, I weighed him tonight, he is 12 pounds. At 4 weeks... yikes!

25 Random Things : )

2009-02-10T20:13:00.001-05:00

So this has been going around facebook, but thought I would add one here... just in case you missed it on facebook. Plus I have thought of new things, updates : )

1. I met Randy at Slippery Rock Baptist Camp. I was on a mission to find a extra bed for my cabin, I had to many campers and not enough beds. He was trying to "flirt" or get my attention but I had no time for him!

2. Later that day, THEN I had time for him : )

3. When I met Randy, I thought I was going to marry someone else.. funny how things change!

4. I have been skinnydipping... until a fish jumped out of the water and scared the pee right out of me!

5. I had a scholarship for track in college and gave it up after one year.

6. I went to college for one year in northern Wisconsin, what a learning experience!

7. I locked myself out of my house when I was 12 in the middle of the night... yes I walk in my sleep.. haha... DID walk in my sleep

8. My children hold my heart... everytime they leave me or I go away from them, my heart goes with them. I became a mom and its amazing how they now have a piece of my heart!

9. I am a social American Idol watcher ... not a huge fan of the show, but got hooked two years ago when Randy came to meet with the deacon board : ) Been watching ever since!

10. I was 18 before I got my first kiss

11. I had more guy friends in high school, and a few close girl friends, I always got along better with guys.

12. I always dreamed I would get married on the track... crazy huh?

13. I wish I was more coordinated... to play sports like basetball or soccer!

14. I have a goal to run a marathon.... maybe before we have another baby.

15. Even though I know how hard having one baby is at a time, I would love to have twins next... identical twin girls... shh dont tel Randy my crazy plan!

16. I hate being late... I enjoy being early for things and I sometimes over prepare so I'm not late... funny how I married someone who is rarely early : )

17. I strongly dont like to be home alone, and hate scary movies (a combination of that is terrible!) And with Randy working his second job from 7-12ish at night, I have learned to be ok with being home alone at night... I dont like it, but have learned and grown from it!

18. I am the baby of the family and love every minute of it!

19. My parents never grounded me, never really put "rules" on me, because I didn't need them. I told them where I was going, who I was going with, when I would be home, and usually came home early. I just wanted their trust. I think I had it too :)

20. My parents hardly ever missed one of my races, from 7th-12th grade, and two years running college, they probably missed a total of 5 of my meets... including the ones when I ran in Wisconsin... they traveled :)

21. I have worked as a ... ice cream scooper, babysitter, nanny (very different), at Slippery Rock Baptist camp... cleaning toilets and dishes and as a counselor, YMCA daycare and at a preschool... My favorite job though, raising my children at home!

22. Randy has always been very up front and honest with me... a quality I love and admire about him! He is my best friend!!

23. I love and cherish nursing my children... I feel its my special one on one time wiht my children. No one else has that opportunity to nurse these two children... and sometimes (almost every time) I will talk, sing, pray for them. As much as I dislike the middle of the night feedings, its my special time with them.

24. I wish I could sing... I love to sing and will sing when no one is around as loud as I can, in my car, at home... so far my children dont mind... but that may change as they grow!

25. I am very happy with ho I am and where I am in life. I never thought my life would go this way 10 years ago, but wouldn't change a minute of it! Even though Randy and I dont make a lot of money, I wouldn't change that! It makes us strong, more dependent on GOD.

WHEW... that was hard and fun. : )

So I'm watching American Idol right now.. and then I'll flip over to The Biggest Loser! Randy is home tonight, usually he works his second job on Tuesdays but tonight is a bonus night and he is home! yeah! I dont like being home alone, but its growing on me.. but I love it more when he is home!

Having a good Tuesday!

2009-02-10T08:36:00.000-05:00

So, here is the update I was talking about in the previous post. I have a short attention span and a very hard time focusing on what I am doing if someone is in the room talking or if the tv is on or radio... hmm... that is why I liked to sit in the front of the class ... couldn't pay attention otherwise!

So Elliot is doign great. He slept from 12 (ish) to 5, and now he is still asleep. I need to wake him up to feed him, but I'll give him another 30 minutes to wake up on his own then its feeding time!

What a great weekend in the word at church! Randy preached, I didn't get to hear it, but I enjoyed sunday school and then youth group. Randy shared about Moses and how he gave up the life of luxery and prosperty to lead God's people out of Egypt to the promised land. I was wondering of all the things I have or would be willing to give up to follow God.

Well, after my freshman year of college I decided to leave Geneva college and the track scholarship I had worked so hard for 6 years of high school (jr high too) to earn and then I walked away from it. It had become more important than my relationship with God and I knew if I continued in that path that I would walk away from God completely. I wasn't sure it was the right thing to do, but looking back now, I am veyr sure it was the best.

Also, as a new mom, this thought has been on my mind lately. It would be very easy for me to build up a resentment to my husband. I have to get up a few times at night to feed our son and every time I look over at him, he (randy ) is sound asleep. Yes I know he has to go to work and doesn't get the chance to take naps during the day, but I dont get a nap every day either! I really want a good night of sleep and as Elliot gets older and the sleepless nights continue, the more this feeling could continue. BUT I kicked it in the butt. I know its only for a season... Elliot will eventually sleep through the night and wont need me to get up with him every night a few times just to eat... so I just should enjoy the special time with him and stop complaining right?? RIGHT!

Ok, I have to go feed Elliot. He doesn't know it yet, but I'm about to wake him.... enough of this night life and being awake at night. We are going to spend some time today with him awake!

A weekend to recover from my weekend...

2009-02-08T21:14:00.000-05:00

So this weekend was going to be busy, but I never thought it would go the way it did. I am so thankful however that I was able to help out the friends that I helped.

Saturday mornings are always lazy days for us. We just bum around and just enjoy the morning together as a family. We got a phone call from a friend that wondered if we could watch her children as well as the two children she was watching so she could take her husband to the ER... so we got an extra five children. No big deal. (Just makes me really thankful I only have two)

Well, we had a youth event, so I had to get all these kids to the house we were sledding at. Well Randy took the older two boys, so I had just the girls and Elliot... wow.

Ok, so Randy is talking in the same room, and I can't focus on what I'm typing. So I'll just have to come back and re-post later... just having a hard time focusing on what I"m typing!

Back later to update!

2 week check up--- update!

2009-01-28T13:16:00.000-05:00

So today, we took Elliot to his 2 week check up. I say we, but it just me that went. Randy kept Sophia and actually took her to church with him for a little bit while we were gone.

It was uneventful. He is now 9 pounds 10 ounces... which is up from birth-weight. Awesome! My doctor was very impressed with him, says he is in the 90-95% for height/weight/head. Who would have thought little me would have such a big baby. But he told me not to expect this to stay up, it'll probably taper off to around the 50th percentile. Seeing as Randy and I are not big people : )

The doctor looked at me, and said "dont take this the wrong way... (oh great right?) but you look like you have the new mom glow. You look tired, sure, but there is something about the new mom glow that I love seeing when new moms come in." Yes I am very tired, and I think I look very tired, but that is so nice to hear sometims. The new mom glow... I think it is a combination of very tired and the love for this new little baby!

Elliot is such a blessing and such a good baby. He eats well, sleeps well and when awake focuses on my face now... I love it! I heard once that baby girls will focus on your face earlier and baby boys will find the fan or the light over your face.. that is also very true! Sophia focused on my face more early.. Elliot will see my face and then oh the light! No celing fans to catch his eye in our house. So cute though!

Randy went to get his birth certificate today, and so we can take him on the airplane next month, proof of who he is : ) So exciting!

It was a pretty uneventful day so far, but its now 1:22 and I'm wiped out! I wanted to find a new sling today.. but after the doctor appointment I decided it wasn't worth it, I was too tired. Elliot would have been fine, he just ate before I left the office, but I just wanted to get home.

Good news, I got a coupon for 15% off at Babies R Us... so I think Monday will be our trip over to get one! How cool!!!

A little nervous about the weekend... Randy is taking our teens to snow camp and will be gone friday night-sunday afternoon. I can handle it, I just am getting a little worried about it. We wont be leaving the house or anything... but it'll make for an interesting day on Saturday! We'll probably not go to church on sunday... not ready to make that trip without Randy there to help yet! Oh we'll be fine... just a little nervous.

Gotta go, I so want a nap, but now Sophia is awake, not sure if it'll happen or not... hmm... wishful thinking!

Day 12

2009-01-26T15:47:00.000-05:00

Elliot is now 12 days old, can you believe it? How is this possible. I honestly dont believe it sometimes when I look at my family. Not only am I married, but I have an almost 2 year old and a newborn! WOW!

We took Elliot to the health department today, he is now 9 pounds 10 ounces.. and 21.25 inches tall. Which means he is a quarter inche bigger and he has gained back all he lost after he was born and then some! The goal by the two week appointment is to have passed his birth weight. His two week appointment is on Wednesday, so we'll get to have him weighed again then!

Sophia has adjusted fairly well to him. Today is the first full day where it was just the four of us, so we are still adjusting. Tomorrow Randy goes back to work all day, so we'll see how I do with both kids without help.

We are getting dinner brought today, which is very nice. The ladies in the church decided to wait until after our parents all went home to start the meals... such a blessing!

Elliot is so strong and perfect. He honestly sleeps all the time and he is already holding his head up. He was doing that before we even left the hosptial. I guess when you are born "half grown" as people like to tell me, you can do that!

Well, Elliot is stirring from his sleep so I better go get him, change him and then feed him. That is pretty much the story of my life! Its all worth it. It wont be like this for long and I am soaking it in... I really love my children and my life right now! So wonderful!

Elliot Stephen Emmorey-- the newest member of my family

2009-01-16T15:18:00.000-05:00

Elliot Stephen Emmorey joined our family Wednesday, January 14 at 10:39 PM... here is the story...

Wednesday morning I woke up and laid in bed, thinking about how I was feeling. I made up my mind that today wasn't the day my son would be born. I started to get out of bed and could hardly walk... the amount of pain and pressure on my pelvis was unbearable...

I got ready for my doctors appointment, knowing and getting my mind ready for him to tell me I had another week. I was setting my expectations very low so to not be disappointed. I made Randy go with me in case my attitude got the best of me and I started to cry. Well, after being checked, the doctor said there was no change, but that the way the babies head was pushing down, he was not going to get any lower until I started contractions and labor started.

He gave me options. Option 1... wait a week to see if things happened on their own. (Not what I wanted) Option 1... Help me get started and see if we could have the baby a little sooner. (I really liked that option) So he asked what date worked for me and I said, today was fine (with a big smile) He told me to go home and pack my bag and get ready to have a baby.

I was already packed, so we just had a few things to take care of at home before heading to the hospital.

Here is the timeline of the rest of the day:

11:30-- arrived at he hospital, the one time I wanted a wheelchair to get upstairs they didn't offer it... I could hardly walk and was taking little bitty steps. The pressure was so intense.

1:00-- Dr. Bremer inserted cervadil to soften my cervix and hopefully get things moving along. I had to lay in bed for a few hours... very boring!

4:00-- the nurse came in to start me on pitocen... I didn't want to have it, but thought if it would help get my little guy to me sooner, then why not!

4:45-- got checked, only 2 cm dilated. The nurse said there was a chance that if things didnt happen they would stop me and re-start things the next morning... didn't like that option either.

6:45-- Dr came back, didn't check me but said he would be back later to check on me

7:30-- upped the dosage of Pitocen making the contractions I was already having more intense and more regular on a 2-3 minute basis... ouch

8:00-- asked for some drugs... feeling every bit of every contraction... every 2 minutes (ouch again)

8:00-9:15-- laid in bed "watching" american idol even though I was so out of it I hardly remember anything... but I would wake for a contraction... then fall back asleep...I thought they were slowing down, but little did I realize they were speeding up and my body was definately moving towards having a baby.

9:30-9:40-- got up and walked the halls... thought that during my contractions my legs were starting to shake and thought I should lay back down...

9:45-- nurse checked me and was 7 cm dialated... woohoo... now thats what I'm talking about.

10:00-- nurse came back and checked me again and was 8.5 cm dilated (the goal is 10 by the way)

thats when she called the doctor.... he better hurry... I was telling the nurses I wanted to push and I was going to push. They kept telling me not yet. well, thats easy for them to say, they werent in my shoes at the moment...

10:20-- Dr showed up and the first thing I said was, I"M GOING TO PUSH.. he looked at me and said not yet. I was tired of hearing that...

The next 19 minutes are a blur... but at one point, dr said, next contraction breath, the next one after that push... well... I think I skipped the breathing one and started pushing. They didn't even have time to break my water, Elliot took care of that one.

Two pushes later Elliot Stephen came into our lives. They weighed him and yelled it out, I couldn't believe it.

9 pounds 6.8 ounces.... 21 inches. That would be why I couldn't walk and was miserable for the weeks leading up to the delivery, he was HUGE!

In just under 3 hours I went from hardly progressing to active labor to holding my son. What a wonderful blessing how fast it was. Yes, it hurt, but it was worth it. Elliot is amazing and he is eating and just perfect.

He is nursing all the time (ouch again) and he is sleeping so great. He is laying next to me right now and I couldn't be more in love with a tiny person I just met. Even though he has been a part of me for the past 10 months, I feel like I am meeting him for the first time and at the same time I can't remember what life was like before him.

Sophia is great with him, she kisses him and points out what parts he has on his face. When Randy was changing his diaper today, we forgot we had a boy and boys sometimes spray when they go pee... well.... Sophia started crying when we didn't cover him up. It was funny/cute... oh it made me almost pee... not hard especially after having a baby. It was only the first of what I think will be many times like that : )

So thats my story. He is perfect and I thank God for him every day (both days he has been with me) I can't believe God gave me such a wonderful little boy. I look forward to seeing him grow into a young man, hopefully one that has a heart for God!

10 days to go...

2009-01-09T12:22:00.000-05:00

So there have been movies with "10" in the title, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, 10 Things I hate about you.... How about a new one... "10 days to go!"

I am not 10 days before my due date and technically, this baby could be born at any day. But I am not focusing on that. Instead I am thinking of the last 10 days before my daughter has to share me.

Soon, she wont have my undivided attention during the day. Her meals may have to be delayed a few minutes because I have to feed her brother. Looking at it that way, makes me ok with waiting.

I chat online with this birth board, have been since this summer and its been great. The ladies are all so supportive (we are all due in the month of JAN 09). Well, there have been I think 18 babies born already... 10 before Jan even started! ITs hard to read about the babies and how others are going into labor, but I have had to step back and say, its not your time Sara! Just be patient.

When I try to plan my childs birthday, its like I'm telling God, its ok, I got this one. Um. No thank you! This is a situation I not only want, but I need God's help. Having a baby is not an easy job and I could never go it alone. (Nor do I want to)

So as much as picking my child's birthday and knowing the time and day he will be born, I'm learning to be content.

I went to bed last night at 10 PM and slept until 3 when I got a text from a birth buddy on the board saying she had her baby.... (yeah DEE!!!!) and then updated the board and was actually able to sleep until 9! I woke up and feel great today. I am still uncomfortable, but oh well! I feel great today.

So whatever day this little boy wants to come, is ok with me. I really dont want to be induced if I can avoid it, and so I want things to just happen naturally on their own when he is ready. I am a firm believe he will too!

Ok, Randy is bring home pizza for lunch for me, and Sophia is finally asleep. She was so cranky I just laid her down. After a few minutes of fighting it, she is finally out. She has had a cold, so a little more sleep is a good thing for her : )

Thanks for reading. As soon as this little bundle of joy comes I'll be sure to post his story : )

Having a Gilmore moment...

2009-01-08T06:17:00.001-05:00

For those of you who watch or are familiar with Gilmore Girls.... there is an episode, where Sukki is pregnant, very pregnant, and she shows up at Loralei's house and is freaking out saying things like "Get it out, it will never come out" Meaning her baby she is carrying....

Well yesterday, I was Sukki. I know I'm not technically at my due date yet, I have what, 10 days now to go? But come one, thats close enough right? lol

I had a check up yesterday and my doctor didn't give me much hope of having him in the next week. I want him to be wrong, but something tells me he is going to be right on. I left the appointment and the hormones got the best of me and I cried... Oh did I cry. I told Randy I was putting myself on house arrest, no contact with people at all.... computer included. That didn't last because I realized how selfish and childish I sounded. Just because I couldn't get my way I was just going to shut the world out? I dont ever tolerate that when Sophia does that, why am I allowed? So I called Randy and we went pant shopping for Sophia with only a little bit of sucess. THen came home and tried to rest because of pain, oh the pain.

After dinner I just wanted to curl up in bed and shut down, but then Randy left for church and someone had to take care of that adorable little girl... so we took a bath and got ready for bed. I let her play in the tub for a long time, I think she loved the extra water time. I took the plug out, and started to get ready to get her out and I look over and she is laying belly down in the draining water like "no water come back I'm not done yet!" It was pretty cute!

So it was an eventful morning, that has lead to nothing. I woke up with havin a contraction. This puppy was strong! Definately the strongest yet... then followed by two more close ones.... I got up and went to the couch... where they stopped. I thought maybe I am just hungry... so I ate a bowl of cereal and I think that was all it was... *sigh* but you know, today could still be the day....

This is the day the LORD has made, I need to rejoice and be glad in it!

Thats whats going on... I'm going to head back to bed, maybe I can get another hour or so before my little Sophia is up and in full force for the day. She truly hits the ground running every day. But she sleeps hard too.... its a definate win win there!

Thanks for reading!

38 weeks... and counting

2009-01-06T03:37:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I need to keep positive here, and should just focus on all the good things God has done for me, and then maybe my negative attitude would go away. Its just so hard.

Lord why? I am so uncomfortabe and so ready to have this little boy out, but its just seeming to not happen! One of the first thoughts every morning is, I wonder if today will be the day? Then as I lay and just think about it, I tell myself, no not today.

I chat online with this birth board of other ladies all due in Jan, some have had their babies in december (10 actually) and this week is going to be a busy week. I think there are 6 definately going to have their babies this week. I want to be included in that number! I have a "birth buddy" and she texted me earlier and updated me that she will be induced tomorrow morning. *sigh* I'm not due till the 19th, so I have a few weeks technically, but come on, lots of babies are born within 2 weeks of their due date!

Also, I was asleep, sleeping soundly too, when Randy got home from work, which woke the dogs up, and my text rang on my phone... so I knew once I was woke up I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep easily. Oh I was right! I am up, at 3:41 AM just watching a re-run of some bowl game, the champs sports bowl game to be exact.... *sigh*

ON top of it all, I got in a fight with my mom. I dont think it was a fight, I just got really irratated at her and really wanted to hang up. My brother had his input on the situation as I was on speaker phone.... telling a pregnant lady she is going to be 2 weeks late (at this point) is not nice. I dont care if you are thinking it, dont tell me! Then to have someone who hasn't experienced this for himself (or with his wife) to relax and be patient.... um... NO! just let me vent and tell me its all going to be ok and move on. there are times I dont wnat you to fix it or try to give your two cents, but just listen. That was one of those moments. I just can't talk to her right now... I need to give it a day or so and calm down. She probably wont even think twice about it, but it really got me worked up.

Randy is also looking at buying a new van. And to be hoenst, I want him too... just go for it. I'll go with you and we'll get one tomorrow. I understand his reasoning behind making the deal soon on our van I just know its more stress or could add more stress to a situation that doesn't need extra stress.... definately got that going without anything extra right now!!!!!

Crazy! I think I am goin to clean. My living room looks like the toy box puked all the toys all over the place. Sophia is good at that. But the whole clean up issue is something we are working on... not something she has down yet. But we are getting there!!!!

Ok, you want to know a funny thought... with all this going on, I was actually thinking of trying to potty train her before this baby came.... can you imagine???? So glad I gave up on that dream... hehe... I would be in a padded room by now...

Goodnight folks.

Before 3 become 4...

2009-01-04T04:51:00.000-05:00

Friday afternoon, Randy calls me (wakes me from my nap mind you) and said to pack a bag with swimsuits included, we were going away for the night. woohoo! I quickly got up and got ready. I can be ready to go overnight like that in about ten minutes, and then including sophia, 12 minutes.... I am a fast packer. We left around 5 and got to the hotel sometime before 7. Long uncomfortable ride thats for sure!

We went to the pool and it was so nice. Sophia has zero fear of water. She didn't like it at first, but then once she got going and realized it was like a HUGE tubbie... she loved it! Sadly, around 3 AM she joined us in the bed because she woke up and I got kicked and punched in the face from that sweet little angelic child for the rest of the night... lol....

We hit the water again Sat morning and again Sophia loved it. The water slide captured her attention. She kept saying again again again... randy would take her down it and lift her up at the end so she didn't go under. It was pretty cute....

We spent some time with Randys nephews and niece too, which was a lot fun. They are super great kids and we really have missed hanging out with them. We are going to really try, and make a huge effort to see them every few months. We just get busy and thats a terrible excuse why we dont spend time with them! Randy's X-sister in law is understand and wants to let us see them. We are thankful for that.

Hopefully this was our last weekend for our family of 3 before it becomes 4! I really wonder what he is waiting for... lol... he's just not ready I guess. But I am! Its not about me, but I would sure like him to come out and so I can just be comfortable when I sit down!!!!

Another long day

2009-01-01T05:29:00.000-05:00

So the last day of the year, was it the longest for me? Very possible. Heres the story.

Tuesday I went to the doctor, no change in terms of baby coming soon. So I was pretty upset over it. Why? I know when he is due.... but I just had this thought he could come early (before 2009) so when I realized he wasn't going to, I got upset.

No big deal.. I'm over it.

So we get to the new years eve party at church, and the first thing people would say to me (not everyone mind you) was "Why are you still here, aren't you supposed to be having a baby?" The first time it happened I laughed it off, but by the time I heard it for the tenth time I was getting annoyed. I just wanted to go home and cry.

Randy sensed this and around 10 he took me home. I started crying in the van. Yes, I have a little less than three weeks till my "due date" my I dont feel good, so much going on that I just dont want to describe that makes me think he is coming soon, but yet, NOTHING is going on!

As I type this, I am having more contractions. The one that woke me from my sleep was very intense, started in my back and worked its way around and up my stomach. Definately more intense and more like the "real thing"

I'm not upset at people at my church, they all mean well, and I'm sure if they knew how much I struggled with this right now they wouldn't say anything, but its just so hard. If I happen to go overdue, I wont go to church... I dont think I could handle hearing it at all "Why haven't you had that baby yet?"

I'm going to try to go back to sleep. No guarantees or anything, but TRY is the key word.

Ahh, do I think the baby will be born today? No.... but soon

False labor part one... more to come I'm sure...

2008-12-30T03:21:00.000-05:00

So Friday, December 26 I woke to having some contractions. Knowing that in the morning when you have slept a full night your bladder is extra full and that could have caused them. So I peed, laid on the couch and thought I would wait them out. They didn't stop. So after a few hours of them being close together and mildly intense, I made Randy take me to the hospital to see what was going on.

AFter almost 2 hours of laying there, being checked twice... I was only 1 CM 20% effaced, to put it in simple words, I had a long way to go, but it was a start.

So they sent me home. The weekend came and went and my brother came to visit. It was so nice to have him here. Even though we didn't do much, just having him here, playing with Sophia meant so much to me.

Now today this morning really, its now almost 4 AM and I have been having the same feelings. I go to the doc today at 10... so hopefully he'll give me a glimmer of hope that this is not all in my head and this baby is on his way!

Sophia was born on April 1... april fools day... go ahead, laugh laugh laugh, so maybe this little one will be born Jan 1.. new years day! I think that would be rpetty awesome.... not only that, its only a day away!!! haha... well, two, and I dont want to wait that long, so today the 30th works too!! teehee

I'll post more when I know more!

Mary's point of view

2008-12-20T16:56:00.000-05:00

I can't help but think of Mary, the mother of Jesus, and all that had to go through her mind the months leading up to the birth of Jesus.

Take a teenage girl, who has never known a man, and have an angel appear to her and say, hey look, you are going to conceive and carry a boy, name him Jesus, and he is going to be the Savior, God's only son who will die on a cross to forgive you and everyone else of their sins.

HOLY COW! I am playing Mary in our churchs play, and reading over my lines and putting my mind into the part makes me really stop and think of what kind of person Mary was. She didn't seem to hesitate or argue or say NO to the Angel, but she said "LEt it be to me what you have said!"

I heard a song the other day, A Baby Changes Everything" by Faith Hill and it is so true. I first thought the song was about a teenage mother getting pregnant, but it was about Mary and how one baby changed everything!

One baby changed my life, the birth of Jesus, gave me hope in my hopeless life, His dying on the cross gave me a hope of eternity with Him someday in heaven. How awesome!!!

As this Christmas season fastly approaches and you get lost in the shuffle of the holidays, stop and think of what went through Mary's mind, and Josephs mind as well. This couple promised to be wed, never had been together physically and yet she is found with child. That would be a little hard to explain.

If you are interested, go to you tube, and type in A Baby Changes Everything and just listen to the words of the song. Powerful words to a new beginning!

Playing this role as Mary wasn't something I would have jumped to do on my own, but being pregnant this year made me want to do it. I am not an actress by any means, but its an honor to get to play Mary. Sure I got the part because I look the part this year, but its pretty exciting to get to play the mother of my Savior!

I can't imagine what that first few nights was like for Mary and Joseph. Being born in a stable, not a clean hospital or a clean house even, but a dirty stable, where the animals eat and sleep and poop. (well come on, they do that too!)

Ok, I'll stop going and going about my amazement about this time of year. I love this holiday and the meaning behind it, so its only fitting I have a baby due shortly after : )

Have a great night and evening and if you read this on Christmas, have a very merry Christmas!!!

One month is no time....

2008-12-19T18:47:00.001-05:00

Every time I go to the doctors, I expect him to say everything looks good, so when it happens I am not as surprised, but today, I was really happy to hear everything looked good.

I gained 4 pounds, in less than two weeks. Yes, thats a bit scary but whatever, I'm growing a baby and I need to be gaining weight right? I am only up 28 pounds total, so thats not bad. Sophia was about 39-40 pounds, so I still have ten pounds till I reach that. But of course, I have another four weeks...

Our sons heart rate was 133 and I do believe he was sleeping. He has always been so active, but today at the doctors he was nice and still and the heart beat was strong and steady. It is always such a miracle and a blessing to hear the heart beat. Makes me really appreciate the little life growing inside of me.

My doctor is a wonderful doctor. He has a small practice but he has many patients because of how good he is. I feel like he gives us time to ask and answer questions and never rushes me out the door. Today he talked about what to do when that blessed day arrives and when to head to the hospital. We live just a few miles from the hospital, so I am not worried about making it on time. BUT you never know.

I am so thankful and excited to meet this little life. I love my family the way it is, but I do feel like a part of us is missing. Once he is here, I dont know if I'll have that complete feeling or not, but I do know this little guy is much anticipated!

Randy has to work his second job tonight. Thankfully, he only has to work tonight and then he is off for two weeks. Which will get us through Christmas and New Years, then he has to go back. I want him to have off after the baby is born, but I think I"ll be ok. He leaves for work around 7 and Sophia is only up for another hour, so she'll go down and it will only be the little boy and I... so I should be able to handle that!

Plus... American Idol starts sometime in January, so I"ll be very excited to start that up with the Blackwells. Give Kathy some girl time since her daughters are both heading back to college in early Jan... Kathy needs a girl around there a few nights a week with her hubby and two sons!

I was a tad depressed today when my doctor told me he thinks I will go full term... but that is only 1 more month. That is no time at all. With Christmas next week and then New years the week after, then it will only be two weeks.... It will go fast. I look at Sophia and think of how fast her pregnancy and short life has gone and think, soon I'll be sitting here letting them play together.... in a blink of an eye really!

One month is nothing!

Happy reading! (Sophia just pooed for the second time today, better go take care of it... I suppose...lol)

Last time we had a lock in...

2008-12-13T19:06:00.000-05:00

Ok, so we had a lock in (not a lock in) IT was different because we made the teens sleep. It was more a group training weekend, leadership retreat, but we called it a lockin. Well, it went great. The teens all seemed to have a good time, at least that is what I gathered. The food was excellant thanks to a new youth leading couple, Steve and April. Last time we had a lockin I was pregnant with Sophia, this time, with our son, so I seem to get out of these things due to pregnancy. : )

Last time we had one though, was the end of March 2007 and Sophia was born one week and a day later... so I'm wondering if next Sunday we will be welcoming our new little boy to the world? It would only be fitting to keep with our lock in tradition! I sorta hope not, because next Sunday night is the adult Christmas play at church, and Randy and I are Mary and Joseph and well, we are sorta important to have in the play. Wouldn't that be funny, Mary couldn't be here because she is REALLY having a baby! AHHH!!!! As ready as I think I am I am not ready to have my life turned upside down again. BUt it would be cool to have him and have him HOME for Christmas. That would be awesome. I am ready to meet him!

Ok, So I am terribly uncomfortable at the moment. My son is digging into my ribs and it hurts!!! I am 35 weeks, and in two weeks I will be "full term" and I hope he is ready to meet me, because I am ready to have him out!!!

Ok, watching a movie here, The Santa Claus, what a fun movie!!!