A year...

I am 5 days shy since the last time I posted.

I'm about to change that!

I have some exciting things to look forward to this year.

As many of you know, I was a runner in my past life (seems like another life ago at least). I'll give you the back story.

When I was in 4th grade we had our first track meet against the other 4th grade classes. I ran a few races and did a few other events and won them all. Next year we had another track meet with the 5th grade classes and the same thing, I ran a few, and won them all. Sixth grade we had a track meet against the other elementary schools in our district. I ran a few and won them all. At this point I knew running was something I was potentially going to be good at. Seventh grade started and I could NOT wait for the spring for track to start. I had such a fun time in track and won a lot of my races. In eigth grade my relay team broke one of the records and my name was put up on the record board in the cafeteria. I'm not certain on this, but last I knew that record was still there. In 9th grade I decided to add cross country to my activities as well as indoor track. I basically ran year round and loved it. I did all three for four years, lettering in all of them, winning many awards, races and eventually earning myself a scholarship to college. I ran my freshman year in college and had a great season. I was in the best shape of my life running 6 days a week, lifting 7 and just enjoying life. Of course my grades were suffering and at the rate I was going, I wouldn't be able to continue in the education program unless my grades went up. I had to make a decision. As hard as it was, I walked away from it. I transferred to a small bible college in the frozen tundra of northern Wisconsin where I ran for the cross country team. After one year I realized I need to cut running out of my life all together. It was taken over everything else and more importantly, interferring with my relationship with God. So I stopped. I walked away. I finished college after I married Randy and haven't consistently run since.

Last March I had this crazy idea to run the road race the weekend of St. Patricks day. My goal was to finish, but my time goal was to come in under 30 minutes. I thought I wasn't going to make it but I finished in 28:33. Not to shabby for only running a few times before the race and really not running in about 8 years.

So now we are in present time, today I sit here and proclaim my intentions for this year. I hope to be held accountable for my training and by putting it out in the cyber world, others will ask me how I'm doing.

March 16th.... 5k
May 11th... 10k
June 22nd... half marathon
October 20th... full marathon

Those are my races I have picked so far. I hope to put a few more 5ks in there throughout the summer as well.

Now comes to training. I thought I had a working treadmill, but turns out, its still broken. We will either be buying a new one come tax return or I will join the gym until I'm able to go outside and run. My vote is for a treadmill at home as it will be easier to get my miles on but it will also be easier to be interuppted and not finish. Randy was going to look into a free month trial membership at the local gym so I could go there in the mornings.

Either way, I'm doing it. This year. I wanted to run a marathon before I turned 30 and well, the clock is ticking and September is coming.

Thanks for reading and if you want, feel free to ask me how my training is going. I'll try to post weekly my miles and my progress.

Sophia's testimony!

Can you believe the title of this blog, Sophia's testimony, wow.

Monday, February 6, I was doing my normal work around the house when Sophia came to me in tears. I dropped what I was doing because she seemed really bothered by something. She promptly told me she didn't want to go to heaven. I asked her why she was thinking that way and she said she didn't want to leave me. So I pulled her on my lap and kissed her and told her I was going to heaven someday. Well, that opened a can of questions that she was firing at me as fast as I could answer them. She was searching for sure. So I tried to answer her questions as best as possible. She was 'ok' and went on to playing.

Later, she came back to me and asked me again if she could take her toys to heaven with her. When I said no, we dont take our things to heaven, she started crying and said she was never ever going. I felt we were going uphill now. I told her when Randy got home we would talk with him and he could help us explain things.

I had made lasagna for dinner and so while we were eating, I asked her if she wanted to talk to daddy. She immediately got tears in her eyes and asked him if he was going to heaven. Randy put down his fork and immediately went to her side and talked to her. We both could tell after answering her questions she wasn't getting it and she needed more time.

I went to workout with friends and Randy stayed home to do bathtime and put the kids to bed. I got home from my workout and Randy told me I needed to go talk to her, she was waiting up for me.

I got down by her bed and she said "Mommy, I asked Jesus to be my Savior tonight". We talked about it for a minute and I told her I loved her and I was so happy for her and she went to sleep.

Can a 4 year old truly know Jesus as her savior? Yes, I believe so. She said she didn't want to sin anymore and she wanted to go to heaven someday with me. She was answering the the questions and being so sincere about it.

I'll type more about it later as I need to get off the computer..... but can you tell, I'm ecstatic about this?!?! So proud of her for coming to this all on her own.

Whirlwind January

Did you ever have something that happened, that a week or more (or a month) after it all happened you wondered what exactly happened? That was my month of January!

Right around Elliots birthday I was feeling 'off' and like I could be pregnant. I knew it was a possibility but I doubted it was actually true. Monday, January 16, we were out and about shopping and I told Randy I needed to buy a pregnancy test. He agreed (based on my mood and how irrational I was) and so we bought a test.

Tuesday morning, January 17th, I woke early and took the test, and to my shock, I was pregnant. I really didn't want to believe it. We weren't trying to have a baby right now, didn't really want to add to our family just yet. We were ok with another baby, just not this year. The emotions were strong for a few days letting the shock sink in. I had to deal with the guilt of not wanting a baby, THIS baby, and get over it and get excited for the new addition.

A week later, January 24, the nightmare began. I started spotting, which within an hour turned into pretty heavy bleeding. I was having a miscarriage. I had a miscarriage once before so I knew what I was dealing with.

So now, I am dealing with the guilt that I never really wanted this baby to begin with, and then this awful thing happened. I know it was out of my control if we miscarried or not, but getting to that point is hard.

Within a week of it all happening I had a baby shower I was invited to. Last place I wanted to be is at a baby shower watching a mom to be open cute little gifts for a sweet little bundle of joy coming soon to her life. But I went. I refuse to be the women that you can't talk to about pregnancies and babies too just because I had a miscarriage. It wasn't this other moms fault, so why should I not celebrate her joy?

Not many people knew about the pregnancy, which is good and bad. Its good that not many people are asking me how I'm doing all the time. Its bad because I get the comments on when I'm going to have another baby and it just breaks my heart all over again.

Through it all, I can say though, God is good. I don't know the reasoning why it happened, and I may never know for a long time, but I do know God is good. I will someday meet my little one in heaven and I look forward to that meeting! All I can think of, the one we lost 4 years ago was wanting a sibling and God gave him one.

Another Wednesday!

Yeah, I haven't posted in a week, and its Wednesday again, which means "Whats up Wednesday" is back!

Middle of the week, where I unwind my mind and just 'vent' out whats going on from the past week.

I may not be able to come up with 10, I may be able to, who knows. I wont know until I start.

10. Gymnastics tonight, I'm dreading taking Elliot. He doesn't listen and dosen't want to be part of his class. I am taking Andrew with me. It may be a complete fail of a night. We will have to see.

9. Still love my van.

8. We went to my parents house for a surprise 40 year anniversary. It was a huge hit. yes it was a lot of driving in a two day period but it was all worth it. The kids had fun, there was no drama with the adults, and Randy was able to go with me. Al in all it was an awesome few days.

7. I smashed my pinkie finger today. My own anger got the best of me. Most dont know me as an angry person, but I do have a temper and a short fuse sometimes. I am working on it as I see it coming out more and more.

6. As I type, my children are all playing with cars on the floor road map. Its so cute to see even Andrew loving it.

5. Elliot is still struggling with the potty. I don't get it as he was doing great for so long.

4. Andrew is in a dumping phase, if there is a bucket or container with things in it he will dump it. He just dumped two containers in the last 30 seconds and completely walked away from it all.

3. After spending time with my parents and family it makes me long to live near them all again. I feel so out in left field when things happen because its always work for us to get home. I'm stuck in a tough spot though because I love it here and love our church family. One thing is missing though, my family. I keep praying God changes my desires, but so far I still want to be there. I am content here, and I am really happy. I just see my children with their cousins and it makes me sad they dont have that on a regular basis.

2. Andrew is now walking around with a bucket on his head. Oh boy he is funny.

1. I'm so ready to be out of debt. We are working towards it. With our tax return this year we are going to use it very wisely and better ourselves. That way, we will free up some money to make double payments on other things to pay off as much as possible as soon as possible.

Wow, I got to 10. Not surprised. I like to talk. I will do better at updating more often. I know I say that a lot. But I mean it. Its good to get feelings out and 'talk' about them.

Goodbye for now.

Whats up Wednesday

I want to try daily themed posts. I'm awful at posting and I want to get better at it. For my faithful readers, lol, all three of you.

Each Wednesday I will try to post 10 random things going on in my life, things on my mind, and updates on previous events. Enjoy!

10. We bought a new van a few weeks ago, like 11 days ago to be exact, and I love it. Its what I've wanted since this newer body style came out. Randy is so good to me.

9. The kids started gymnastics. I realize its probably not going to produce Olympic gold medalists, but they sure are cute jumping around in the gym.

8. Elliot is going to be 3 in a few days and I'm in denial. He isn't a baby or a toddler anymore, he is a little boy now. He is rough and tumbly (also good reason for gymnastics) and sweet and loving all at the same time.

7. I watch a few kids in home and some have called me crazy. As if three kids weren't enough, I open my house, heart, and life to two other little ones. One I've watched for 4 years, one for about 6 months. I really do love these little ones like my own.

6. I am helping with the 'big auction' at Sophia's school and the grand raffle prize is either $5,000 or a trip for two to Vegas. As the trip sounds wonderful and all, I would gladly take the 5k. Pay off a few credit cards and maybe do some shopping. I do need a new wardrobe!

5. I want another baby. Not going to lie about it. I just know if we wait a few months by the time the baby is born, we will be closer to Elliot being in preschool, closer to financial freedom, and closer to only have one in diapers at a time. Good reasons to wait I suppose.

4. Elliot has this new thing where he pees in buckets, any bucket really. Its funny, but not appropriate! Gotta kick that habit, soon!

3. This 'spring like' weather is making me long for spring for real! I heard birds this afternoon when I went to get the mail. Not fair. As its only Jan 11th!

2. My children are growing way to fast and I dont want to miss a minute of it! I feel guilty for not enjoying my time with them more.

1. I bought a new stroller today, on a whim, yikes. Its one I've wanted for awhile, so not completely an impulse buy, but close. Its a sit n stand, but not the traditional one. All the reviews on it were good. I know Randy supports my decisions, but spending money always scares him. I really feel it will be our stroller for a few more years. Small than a double, but still has room for two children. I have two double strollers, a side by side and a front to back. Both have pros and cons. The one I just bought should be a good compromise to both. The best part, the color is orange! Toys r us was having a big sale today with free shipping, so I got it for 50% off and free shipping.

Well, that's all. Now I need to clean up my living room and enjoy the afternoon with my kiddos before their gymnastics class tonight!

Whats up Friday

I want to start to do this post on fridays, to unload the week that just past and look forward to the week ahead.

1. I feel my patience is being tested daily with Elliot. He used to be so sweet and not naughty but lately, I want to pull my hair out. In September he gave up the diaper, almost cold turkey. Since then he's had very few accidents. We went away for thanksgiving and since then he's struggled. Today he flat out peed his pants. I think that was the last straw as I put a diaper on him and put him down for a nap. I realize a diaper may not be the right direction, but I"m so tired of this. I know he knows better at this point.... ugh!

2. Sophia is thriving in school. She has lots of friends and even a few boys that she palls around with. I'm not surprised as I have watched a little boy a few months younger than her since they were 9 and 4 months old. No surprise she plays with boys in school.

3. A girl who went to college with me is in surgery right now (as I type) to remove a stage 4 brain tumor. I have no words to express how this is making me feel. I feel so badly for her two young boys and her husband. I know Gods hands are on her body right now and only HE can heal her.

4. I"m excited to have another baby... someday.... not sure when though.

5. I had a crummy head cold this week. Took me down for a few days. What stinks being sick as a mom, you dont get 'sick days'. If I didn't do the laundry, it wouldn't be done.

6. Fridays are our library days. Pretty fun group of kids that my children love to be around.

7. I offered to help with Sophia's schools big event, the auction. Its going to be way more work than I thought or even expected. I'm a tad overwhelmed at it actually. They originally asked me to run it.... I had no idea what I was getting myself into at the time I said 'yes' THen I found out it would be more than I could handle. I am still helping with it. But still overwhelmed at it all.

8. I so want a vacation, a true vacation, where money wasn't an option. sigh maybe someday.

God is in the small things

Ever wonder if God cares about you? If he cares about the tiny details of your life that you struggle with on a daily basis?

I was reading the other night in Exodus (yes, true story) and I was blown away by the detail God went into with Moses on how to sacrifce an animal. I mean, the tiny details were there. I was almost grossed out by the amount of detail to be honest.

I asked Randy about it, because I was amazed at the detail written down, that God wanted to be recorded and took the time to share with Moses. Well, his explanation was simple. God cares about the tiny details.

I had a rough day today, I let my bitter attitude win over and control me. Sometimes, things are just hard for me. Today was definately one of those days.

But in the future, I really hope to remember what I read the other night. And remember that God cares about the small things, the things that weigh us down without really meaning it too. The things that we dont want to 'bother' God with. But if He could go into such detail to Moses, then I truly believe He cares about the small details of your (my) life.