Sophia, my 2 year old

So I have this beautiful daughter, she is strong willed, independant but yet she needs me. She needs me to help get food ready, to wash her clothes, to kiss her boo-boos and to protect her from the 'scary' noises she hears.

I have the awesome priviledge to raise this unique little girl! What a blessing! She is truly wonderful and I love her so much, she really is a great little girl.

Today we reached a new milestone... we moved her from her crib to her toddler bed. I saw a mark on her leg from where I think she got it stuck in between one of the slats on her crib and it bruised her leg! ouch! SO I asked Randy to get the toddler bed out of storage for her. After setting it up and getting it all ready and taking all that time on it... where is she sleeping? On the big bed in her room.

See her room is also our guest room when my parents come, or anyone comes to visit, so we also have a queen bed set up in there. She took her nap on that bed today and I think she liked it so much, she thinks that is her new bed. So we set up this toddler bed for what reason? Maybe she'll use it and maybe we'll just sell it in the garage sale this summer. We'll see.

But, I am so blessed to have this little girl, who needs me so much. I love her hugs and kisses and her words now. She is so much fun with her conversations and the things she says every day.

Like this morning, we are all laying in bed, Well, Elliot was in his crib, so just the three of us, and she turned and looked at me, put her hand on my cheek and said "I love you mommy" and then snuggled up to me. It melted my heart. I just want to tuck her under my arm and keep her little forever.

THen I start to think how my parents probably felt the same way aobut me, and here I am, 25 years old with two kids of my own... how my mom probably never thought I would move away and live 7 hours away. It makes me sad to think that Sophia will do that someday, or Elliot too.

I am just loving every day with her and taking it all in. I need to find joy in the days I have with her. Every day with her should be a blessing and I should take full advantage of it!

Ok, I"m going to start crying now. I just love having a daughter... daughters are a blessing. (so is my son though)

Tonight, as I was putting her to bed, she grabbed my hand and said "I want to snuggle" So cute! So I laid down next to her and told her a story and kissed her goodnight and she hasn't moved... I love it. I love her!

Ok, washer is done, need to go switch the clothes and get to bed! So sleepy!

My purpose!

SO I have been missing church lately. Either due to junior church or nursery or just because of my children being sick... but today I was able to sit and listen and it was great.

God really uses Pastor Doug to bring great messages. I love it! Just from the music to the missionary who shared his struggle and his prayer request to the compassion presentation, it was all pretty gret!

Doug shared having a grace-based relationship with Christ. God's grace is enough for me! How wonderful!

Then in sunday school we are reading through the book, Don't Waist your Life by John Piper ( I read it a few years ago, but never really got into it until now) But I learned how to have joy no matter what I do. Even though I dont leave the hosue on a daily basis to go to a job, my job is my children (and the two little ones I watch) and I need to find Joy in that! It was a challenge to me because I get stuck in the rut and the idea that I dont have a job... but oh I do! My job is to glorify God in all I do! That is my purpose here! To bring glory to God in everything I do!

Well, I need to rest my eyes for a bit. Both Sophia and Elliot are sleeping and I need to take full advantage of that!

I think God will be glorified if I take a nap today, so I am well rested for youth group tonight!

Must stop the bleeding!

So, Randy and I had a good chat last night about our credit card debt. Wow. Very scary to think that we have let ourselves go like we have. With very little in savgins, which is I think MORE scary! So we have to stop the bleeding.

Here is the plan. Every dollar I make babysitting the two boys will go right to debt, as well as Randy's paychecks from cleaning at night. We will budget what he makes from the church and live off that solely. We will spend cash and cash only. I think I have to leave any piece of plastic at home and if I have no more cash for the month then I am done. Thats it. No more excuses or saying, we'll just pay it off next month. NO MORE!

May will be the first month we try this... we shall see how we do. I may even go back to donating plasma which will give us $240 a month if I go twice a week in the right time frame to get the $60 a month.

WIthout the plasma money, that was just thrown in now, we can have it all paid off, including Randy's student loan and our van by August 2011. Now that is straight through, no bumps or interruptions. That is being very disciplined and not spending anymore extra.

Wow. That is all I have to say. I want to also set up a savings account for both our children and start putting money away for that. If they want to go to college someday that would be great of us to start doing that now! Also, Randy and I want to eventually retire and not have to worry about money, so we are going to have to start putting money aside for that.

I can see where money can be be a big stress on a marriage, but Randy and I have now a firm graspe on our goals and what we want to accomplish. Just staying faithful to those goals is what is going to be so hard. But, we can do it! God will help us. I believe that with all my heart!

Ok, gotta go get Sophia something to eat and get her to rest. At 1:00 I am walking with a good friend and a nap before we go would be wonderful. Elliot is sleeping already on the floor. He fell asleep a little bit ago. Love my children!

10 minute workout

SO I saw this great DVD workout system this morning, claiming to help get you back in shape for just 10 minutes a day. It was very appealing to me, being a mom with two little ones. I dont have a lot of time to devote to exercise a day and wow, 10 minutes, I could do that! After almost buying it, Randy and I decided not to. A little bummed about it, but really, I dont need it.

I can get up a few minutes early and go run and do that instead. Randy is able to get the kids up and dressed and even feed Sophia breakfast while I am out. I ran a mile on the track and it felt so good. It really took me back to the days when the track was my best friend.

I left Geneva's track team In 2003... just 6 years ago. Hard to believe. Had I never left after that first year, I would have probably graduated in 2006. I got pregnant with Sophia that summer of 06 so who knows if I would have had her, or if I would have married Randy! I look back at all I left behind and wonder what my life would be like had I not walked away. Sure, I probably would have had 3 more great years on the track... medals and school records. Maybe a few national meets. But I look at all I have now that I probably wouldn't have had if I stayed and I can't even imagein my life without them!

It felt great to run again on the track. Some dont like the track and find running in circles boring. Yes, it can be, but today, I needed to start there. Start back where I was great. Is that conceited of me? I have been really feeling down lately, like all I am ever going to be now is a mom. So going back to a place where I loved and where I was good at something really helped today.

Now in just a few minutes I'm goin to pack up the children (kids are baby goats, I didn't give birth to goats) and head to the park to let Sophia play. I feel also that this run this morning energized me to do more! I'm sore from the run, but I feel great.

I may have to make running a regular part of my day.... not just once a week, but get up in the mornings and make it a part of my day. Not sure what will happen when its cold again, maybe Ill have to get a treadmill.... : )

You should do the same! Get up and enjoy the day, make the most of the day God gave you! If you dont believe in God, well, you are missing out!!!!

Terrible Twos

Ok, I hate that phrase, I hate it because I can handle it what God puts in front of me with His help, but lately, I'm afraid I've been taking it by myself. Sophia has been pushing my buttons, and then add in Elliot who is a definate mommy's boy, and then two other little ones I watch a few days a week, I may need that padded room sooner than later!

Yesterday was an awful day, just couldn't get a break. One child was crying at all time and needed something. When I got them all down, except for Elliot, I just took him and rocked him and talked to him. It was like he needed me just as much as I needed him at that moment.

Bigger news. My new niece who was born April 14 was in and out of the hospital for a few days due to an infection. Scary! Turns out the infection was nothing and she came home. I want to call my sister in law but I dont want to interupt her. I know a new mom needs naps and needs the chance to bond with her baby, so I wont call. I'll text her and if she is able, she will call me. I miss talking to her though. We used to talk a few times a week and now, nothing!

I just realized this morning, that I haven't given Elliot a bottle in over two weeks. Which is great, my plan to nurse as long as possilbe and that is helping, but it also could be bad. He didn't want to take a bottle for Randy this morning and so we may have a problem on our hands! I just wnated a shower, so Randy kept elliot so I could and he fussed the whole time I was gone, and then finally when I was done Randy was about to give him a bottle (of breastmilk) and I came in the room and it was like a light switch... he was fine! And eventually fell asleep. I think we have a true momma's boy on our hands!

Ok, so lets make this post even more random, but I love the show American Idol. Not for the show itself, but I love that the Blackwells come over every week and we watch it together. My adult fix for the week! Last year and year before we would go to their house, which was great, but now with two little ones they come to our house so Sophia can go to bed. I realized today though, that the town troubador from Gilmore Girls looks like Danny Gokey!!! So funny.

I think I'm going to get the Wii out and do a workout. Sophia is still down for a nap and Elliot just went down. Jayson just drank his bottle and is just chillin in the bouncy seat (half asleep)

I am also watching the last episode of season 6 of Gilmore Girls at the moment... soon it will be over... I would love to pop in episode 1 of season 7 but alas, that is still out on loan at the moment. Oh well, life goes on without Gilmore Girls right????

Wonderful weekend!

So we went to a youth leaders seminar this weekend and got so many ideas for own on student ministries.

One of the thigns I learned, dont call it a "youth group" you can be a part of many youth groups, but call it your student ministries! Make it unique, something they can't get in any other group.

Randy and I talked about where we want to see the group go and have set some great goals! Its awesome how God used one night away (a night that I wasn't even sure I wanted to go too). I had to leave Sophia with Randy's aunt and uncle, which wasn't a problem, I just missed her. Plus I had to take Elliot who is still nursing, so that was always a treat. But God used the speakers and used the material presented to me and I think its going to really help.

It was just great and I really think the two other leaders who went had a great time and took some great stuff from it as well!!

I feel so disconnected from things lately. I know I just had a baby, and that is not helping, but the past three weeks now I haven't been in church to hear Pastor Doug, and I think I need to get his message and listen to it at home. I feel so out of it and I really need that teaching! His messages are always so good, and I know God is using him to present that truth.

During the week I never get out, I have mondays but that is the only day I dont have extra little ones here. Then the next four days I have at least 1 if not 2 little boys here. So that makes getting out and seeing people hard. I live for Sundays and getting to go to church. Being around people is awesome and especially the church family I am a part of. And when you take that away from me, I just shrink and shrink!

But until Elliot stops nursing or doesn't need me all the time, I wont have a chance to be very far from him. Its worth it though, every feeding is worth it though. He is turning into a mama's boy. I love having a son.

Ok, so as you can tell, my post started as one thing and progressed into something else, THere goes my mind, just a wondering!!!

I'm waiting for Randy to get home. After N'Focus tonight he has a deacons meeting... then he'll be home. What a day!

The wonderful weather...

So I am firm believer now, the warm weather, the sunshine, and the ability to be outside makes one feel better. I had a great day today, knowing I could go outside and get fresh air without putting on layers upon layers! I loved it!

I had a new niece born this week, Isabella Grace. Now, on both sides of the family there is an Isabel and Isabella. Its all good though. I wont be going to see her until July though, sooo long from now!

So a year ago I starting chatting with this group of women on babycenter, then a nice lady started a new board and some women branched off, well in July I think, I joined up with them and we've been talking ever since. Its so great to have the support like that! These women are all across the country and even though I never met any of them face to face, I feel like I've known them my whole life! In July, there is a small number going to be meeting in Maryland and I am so excited to get to meet some of them!

Can I also say, I am in love with my children. They may drive me bonkers (sophia) at times, but how can I be upset at them? I love them so much!

Ok, gotta go to bed, or get ready for bed. Night!

Words of a two year old...

So, I wanted to share some of the cute things my daughter has said lately, she melts my heart over and over....

Me: I need your help Sophia
SOphia: OK! Give me a 'cauk cauk' (washcloth)

Sophia grabs her keys and the monitor "Bye bye, see you later, going to grand-dad" as she heads towards the door.

As she kisses Elliot's head "Ee-it, you cute"

We were playing one day, and she turns to me and says "I go to wa-mart" (walmart)

We were in the tub the other day, well, she was and she was pretending to lay down, she said "I sleeping in the water!"

And I believe my favorite, hearing her sing, she will sing Twinkle twinkle little star or her ABC's when no one is paying attention or in her crib int he mornings or after she wakes up. I really think she is going to be a singer!

We got her this new piano, and it has a microphone, and she says "Hello Phia" in it, so very cute!

We were quizzing her on her body parts, and she was getting them, even the hard ones she remembered, so randy wanted to trick her and ask her where her calves were, she looked at him and said "I dont know?" and raised her hands.

So even though there are times I want to ship her to grandmas house for a few days because she is driving me bonkers... I love her and I love her words and how well she is talking and how much she talks. (I have no idea why she likes to talk so much, lol)

So for those who are reading and have a small baby, get ready, your child will too melt your heart every day!

Updating on things

So this post is going to be updating on things going on.

First, Randy and I have put off the daycare idea. We are goin to continue to watch the two I watch and if we decide to pursue something, it would be later. I am just trying to make it day to day doing what I do. When Elliot and Jayson are older, it may be easier to handle the thought, but for right now, I'm doing just fine with what I'm doing.

Lately, I've just reached a standstil. I'm not sure what is going on with me. Its like, I do the same things everyday and I just need to find purpose. I knwo what it is supposed to be and I hear it every week at church but by friday, I've just reached a point of being so tired I just can't think anymore.

I doubt myself, I doubt that I am a good mother or wife, that I can't take care of my house or do the work I do. I doubt so much that after awhile, I start to believe it. When I know I am supposed to focus on what is true not what is false.

Randy gets on me about thinking this way, he always encourages me to focus on the truth instead of what isn't true... something that is hard for me.

Randy is working tonight and just texted me that he was going to be midnight or later. Thats 2 more hours at least. I know he is wokring this second job right now to help get a bigger shovel to get rid of our debt, but its just hard ya know. I feel like we never see each other and when we do we have screaming children to deal with. He doesn't know what it is like to be around them all day and night and have to deal with them alone like I do. I may have to take Elliot with me tomorrow and go do a little retail therapy shopping. That sometimes helps things!

Ok, gotta go switch the laundry and try to get some sleep. Elliot took a bottle tonight (of formula) its friday and I'm exhausted, that is of nursing too. One bottle isn't goin to hurt him. He drank it and went to sleep, so hopefully he is out for the night to give me a few hours at least!

2 years later....

I woke up this morning to my son crying it took me back to two years ago...

March 31 I woke up and was wondering when this baby would be born... Later that day we thought, oh boy, this is going to happen soon.

at 4:58, April 1, 2007 Sophia Elizabeth came into the world and changed our lives forever. She is a bright spot in a cloudy day and definately a joy to my life. I know true happiness can't be found in a human, but I tell you, she makes me pretty happy!

THat morning of April 1, I was just praying to meet this baby, who we weren't sure yet boy/girl, so I was anxious to meet my new baby. When the doctor said "Its a girl!" I started to cry, and when they handed her to me, I was in love, completely and 100% in love with this baby.

Taking her home was an adventure. I never saw Randy drive as slow as he did on that day, very careful of every turn and every bump in the road. He first road trip was home as we had her in the hospital 1 hour from home.

The past two years have gone fast and at times have been really challenging with her growing and learning, but I wouldn't change it for anything.

God has blessed me, giving me a daughter, and the opportunity to raise her to be a woman of the word and to Love God! I hope and pray as she grows I can be a good role model of what a Christian woman is to be like and she will have a good example of a lady, a wife and a mother. What HUGE shoes to fill and live up to!

I had a great role model in my mother, so I am praying I can do the same.

Well, as I type, I have a little one lying next to me, Jayson, and My little guy Elliot is awake and ready for me to get him from his crib.

So the daydreaming must end for now!