Updating on things

So this post is going to be updating on things going on.

First, Randy and I have put off the daycare idea. We are goin to continue to watch the two I watch and if we decide to pursue something, it would be later. I am just trying to make it day to day doing what I do. When Elliot and Jayson are older, it may be easier to handle the thought, but for right now, I'm doing just fine with what I'm doing.

Lately, I've just reached a standstil. I'm not sure what is going on with me. Its like, I do the same things everyday and I just need to find purpose. I knwo what it is supposed to be and I hear it every week at church but by friday, I've just reached a point of being so tired I just can't think anymore.

I doubt myself, I doubt that I am a good mother or wife, that I can't take care of my house or do the work I do. I doubt so much that after awhile, I start to believe it. When I know I am supposed to focus on what is true not what is false.

Randy gets on me about thinking this way, he always encourages me to focus on the truth instead of what isn't true... something that is hard for me.

Randy is working tonight and just texted me that he was going to be midnight or later. Thats 2 more hours at least. I know he is wokring this second job right now to help get a bigger shovel to get rid of our debt, but its just hard ya know. I feel like we never see each other and when we do we have screaming children to deal with. He doesn't know what it is like to be around them all day and night and have to deal with them alone like I do. I may have to take Elliot with me tomorrow and go do a little retail therapy shopping. That sometimes helps things!

Ok, gotta go switch the laundry and try to get some sleep. Elliot took a bottle tonight (of formula) its friday and I'm exhausted, that is of nursing too. One bottle isn't goin to hurt him. He drank it and went to sleep, so hopefully he is out for the night to give me a few hours at least!