Four little Emmoreys

Four little Emmoreys

Sunday, February 14, 2010

13 months

Today, my son Elliot is 13 months old. Actually, at this minute he was about 10 minutes old.... but... today 13 months.

For the past 13 months I have nursed him.I gave him myself for 13 months. I always made sure I was wearing an outfit that was easy to nurse in if we were going out in public, I was never more than an hour away from him, always was there when he was hungry, never left him for more than 4 hours at a time...

I wanted to make it a year, and I did. We did I should say. Elliot has been the perfect baby in terms of eating. He wont take a bottle, never cared for it even when he would take one. But do you blame him? Maybe he didn't dislike the bottle, but he loved where the milk came from, close to mommy!

I love that I shared myself like I did for the past year. Elliot is worth it. I am so happy we had a good experience and happy he is still going strong. I am so proud of myself and him for sticking with it. Here are a few pictures, nothing to graphic of course, but just a few to share with you.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

I just need to let it go

So lately, I feel like I have been bit by the baby bug.... I have two beautiful children but yet, I want another and I want another right now, or well, in 9 months. I have had a few friends all find out they were expecting, some throughout the summer but the ones that get me are the September babies. I was wanting a fall baby and September seemed like a good time. Well, I'm not, and I wont have a Sep baby this year....

I for real, need to just let it go, I need to walk away from that desire and let it in God's hands. The quote "When you plan, God laughs" I find so true yet, I dont see God ever laughing at us. I just need to realize, God is the one who made the earth, God is the one who made the air, and the water and the trees and every living thing on this earth. Even the babies being made in test tubes for IVF, GOD made those ones too! So why do I sit here and worry about if God will give me another baby? He knows my desires and my fears of having a bigger family, but yet, He also knows my desires. Right? I just need to let it go. Stop worrying. Stop talking about it. Stop planning as though I am going to just get pregnant and let things happen.

I think our society today wants control. Duh, thats easy. There are so many ways out there you can take control of your fertility... there is even a book! You can wake up at the same time every day, and take your temperature and chart it to see when you are ovulating, you can take ovulation strips to see when you are most likely fertile and best chances to have a baby. All that is great and all, but I feel like by wanting to do all that I am taking the reigns from God and saying "its ok, I know all you've made and all, but let me have control on this matter, I know whats best" To me, that is the dumbest thing I've ever thought/said!

I believe we'll have another baby, maybe two, but I just need to let it go. Let God work in me right now today. February 6, 2010 I need to just let God have control.

I am not saying charting and doing all that is wrong, because I'm not. I'm just saying I have let my every thought and focus be on that. I did take my temperature this morning.... I have no idea when it means I'll be fertile enough to conceive a baby, I'm just taking it cause thats what "they" say to do! I'm such a mess.

My question, will this ever go away. So I get pregnant, it goes away while pregnant, then the first few months of the babies life... so, a year, I dont have this feeling, then what if it starts again, when will I just be done? When will this overwhelming desire to stop having children be done?

Monday, February 1, 2010

Another good weekend

Are you living in the moment? Are you taking advantage of what God has put in front of you? God doesn't promise you tomorrow, he only gives us one day at a time with no promise we'll see tomorrow. I ask this because a grand-daughter (in law) to our church passed away at the age of 36.... still unsure the cause. A wife and mother of two, is now gone. She wasn't promised to grow old with her husband or see her chidlren become parents. God wanted her home.

Which really makes me ask myself, what am I doing to make a difference today. Am I living to make a difference, for God to use me, or am I just going through the motions every day and taking for granted the gift of life I have every morning when I wake up.

Its alot to think about on a monday morning (or whenever you read this) but its something that struck me this weekend. This lady didn't know it was going to happen. From what we understand it was very sudden and very unexpected.

Make each and every day count. Thats what I intend to do from now one! Live each day for God and see what HE can do with it (not what I can do)