Four little Emmoreys

Four little Emmoreys

Friday, February 10, 2012

Sophia's testimony!

Can you believe the title of this blog, Sophia's testimony, wow.

Monday, February 6, I was doing my normal work around the house when Sophia came to me in tears. I dropped what I was doing because she seemed really bothered by something. She promptly told me she didn't want to go to heaven. I asked her why she was thinking that way and she said she didn't want to leave me. So I pulled her on my lap and kissed her and told her I was going to heaven someday. Well, that opened a can of questions that she was firing at me as fast as I could answer them. She was searching for sure. So I tried to answer her questions as best as possible. She was 'ok' and went on to playing.

Later, she came back to me and asked me again if she could take her toys to heaven with her. When I said no, we dont take our things to heaven, she started crying and said she was never ever going. I felt we were going uphill now. I told her when Randy got home we would talk with him and he could help us explain things.

I had made lasagna for dinner and so while we were eating, I asked her if she wanted to talk to daddy. She immediately got tears in her eyes and asked him if he was going to heaven. Randy put down his fork and immediately went to her side and talked to her. We both could tell after answering her questions she wasn't getting it and she needed more time.

I went to workout with friends and Randy stayed home to do bathtime and put the kids to bed. I got home from my workout and Randy told me I needed to go talk to her, she was waiting up for me.

I got down by her bed and she said "Mommy, I asked Jesus to be my Savior tonight". We talked about it for a minute and I told her I loved her and I was so happy for her and she went to sleep.

Can a 4 year old truly know Jesus as her savior? Yes, I believe so. She said she didn't want to sin anymore and she wanted to go to heaven someday with me. She was answering the the questions and being so sincere about it.

I'll type more about it later as I need to get off the computer..... but can you tell, I'm ecstatic about this?!?! So proud of her for coming to this all on her own.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Whirlwind January

Did you ever have something that happened, that a week or more (or a month) after it all happened you wondered what exactly happened? That was my month of January!

Right around Elliots birthday I was feeling 'off' and like I could be pregnant. I knew it was a possibility but I doubted it was actually true. Monday, January 16, we were out and about shopping and I told Randy I needed to buy a pregnancy test. He agreed (based on my mood and how irrational I was) and so we bought a test.

Tuesday morning, January 17th, I woke early and took the test, and to my shock, I was pregnant. I really didn't want to believe it. We weren't trying to have a baby right now, didn't really want to add to our family just yet. We were ok with another baby, just not this year. The emotions were strong for a few days letting the shock sink in. I had to deal with the guilt of not wanting a baby, THIS baby, and get over it and get excited for the new addition.

A week later, January 24, the nightmare began. I started spotting, which within an hour turned into pretty heavy bleeding. I was having a miscarriage. I had a miscarriage once before so I knew what I was dealing with.

So now, I am dealing with the guilt that I never really wanted this baby to begin with, and then this awful thing happened. I know it was out of my control if we miscarried or not, but getting to that point is hard.

Within a week of it all happening I had a baby shower I was invited to. Last place I wanted to be is at a baby shower watching a mom to be open cute little gifts for a sweet little bundle of joy coming soon to her life. But I went. I refuse to be the women that you can't talk to about pregnancies and babies too just because I had a miscarriage. It wasn't this other moms fault, so why should I not celebrate her joy?

Not many people knew about the pregnancy, which is good and bad. Its good that not many people are asking me how I'm doing all the time. Its bad because I get the comments on when I'm going to have another baby and it just breaks my heart all over again.

Through it all, I can say though, God is good. I don't know the reasoning why it happened, and I may never know for a long time, but I do know God is good. I will someday meet my little one in heaven and I look forward to that meeting! All I can think of, the one we lost 4 years ago was wanting a sibling and God gave him one.