Sophia's testimony!

Can you believe the title of this blog, Sophia's testimony, wow.

Monday, February 6, I was doing my normal work around the house when Sophia came to me in tears. I dropped what I was doing because she seemed really bothered by something. She promptly told me she didn't want to go to heaven. I asked her why she was thinking that way and she said she didn't want to leave me. So I pulled her on my lap and kissed her and told her I was going to heaven someday. Well, that opened a can of questions that she was firing at me as fast as I could answer them. She was searching for sure. So I tried to answer her questions as best as possible. She was 'ok' and went on to playing.

Later, she came back to me and asked me again if she could take her toys to heaven with her. When I said no, we dont take our things to heaven, she started crying and said she was never ever going. I felt we were going uphill now. I told her when Randy got home we would talk with him and he could help us explain things.

I had made lasagna for dinner and so while we were eating, I asked her if she wanted to talk to daddy. She immediately got tears in her eyes and asked him if he was going to heaven. Randy put down his fork and immediately went to her side and talked to her. We both could tell after answering her questions she wasn't getting it and she needed more time.

I went to workout with friends and Randy stayed home to do bathtime and put the kids to bed. I got home from my workout and Randy told me I needed to go talk to her, she was waiting up for me.

I got down by her bed and she said "Mommy, I asked Jesus to be my Savior tonight". We talked about it for a minute and I told her I loved her and I was so happy for her and she went to sleep.

Can a 4 year old truly know Jesus as her savior? Yes, I believe so. She said she didn't want to sin anymore and she wanted to go to heaven someday with me. She was answering the the questions and being so sincere about it.

I'll type more about it later as I need to get off the computer..... but can you tell, I'm ecstatic about this?!?! So proud of her for coming to this all on her own.

Whirlwind January

Did you ever have something that happened, that a week or more (or a month) after it all happened you wondered what exactly happened? That was my month of January!

Right around Elliots birthday I was feeling 'off' and like I could be pregnant. I knew it was a possibility but I doubted it was actually true. Monday, January 16, we were out and about shopping and I told Randy I needed to buy a pregnancy test. He agreed (based on my mood and how irrational I was) and so we bought a test.

Tuesday morning, January 17th, I woke early and took the test, and to my shock, I was pregnant. I really didn't want to believe it. We weren't trying to have a baby right now, didn't really want to add to our family just yet. We were ok with another baby, just not this year. The emotions were strong for a few days letting the shock sink in. I had to deal with the guilt of not wanting a baby, THIS baby, and get over it and get excited for the new addition.

A week later, January 24, the nightmare began. I started spotting, which within an hour turned into pretty heavy bleeding. I was having a miscarriage. I had a miscarriage once before so I knew what I was dealing with.

So now, I am dealing with the guilt that I never really wanted this baby to begin with, and then this awful thing happened. I know it was out of my control if we miscarried or not, but getting to that point is hard.

Within a week of it all happening I had a baby shower I was invited to. Last place I wanted to be is at a baby shower watching a mom to be open cute little gifts for a sweet little bundle of joy coming soon to her life. But I went. I refuse to be the women that you can't talk to about pregnancies and babies too just because I had a miscarriage. It wasn't this other moms fault, so why should I not celebrate her joy?

Not many people knew about the pregnancy, which is good and bad. Its good that not many people are asking me how I'm doing all the time. Its bad because I get the comments on when I'm going to have another baby and it just breaks my heart all over again.

Through it all, I can say though, God is good. I don't know the reasoning why it happened, and I may never know for a long time, but I do know God is good. I will someday meet my little one in heaven and I look forward to that meeting! All I can think of, the one we lost 4 years ago was wanting a sibling and God gave him one.

Another Wednesday!

Yeah, I haven't posted in a week, and its Wednesday again, which means "Whats up Wednesday" is back!

Middle of the week, where I unwind my mind and just 'vent' out whats going on from the past week.

I may not be able to come up with 10, I may be able to, who knows. I wont know until I start.

10. Gymnastics tonight, I'm dreading taking Elliot. He doesn't listen and dosen't want to be part of his class. I am taking Andrew with me. It may be a complete fail of a night. We will have to see.

9. Still love my van.

8. We went to my parents house for a surprise 40 year anniversary. It was a huge hit. yes it was a lot of driving in a two day period but it was all worth it. The kids had fun, there was no drama with the adults, and Randy was able to go with me. Al in all it was an awesome few days.

7. I smashed my pinkie finger today. My own anger got the best of me. Most dont know me as an angry person, but I do have a temper and a short fuse sometimes. I am working on it as I see it coming out more and more.

6. As I type, my children are all playing with cars on the floor road map. Its so cute to see even Andrew loving it.

5. Elliot is still struggling with the potty. I don't get it as he was doing great for so long.

4. Andrew is in a dumping phase, if there is a bucket or container with things in it he will dump it. He just dumped two containers in the last 30 seconds and completely walked away from it all.

3. After spending time with my parents and family it makes me long to live near them all again. I feel so out in left field when things happen because its always work for us to get home. I'm stuck in a tough spot though because I love it here and love our church family. One thing is missing though, my family. I keep praying God changes my desires, but so far I still want to be there. I am content here, and I am really happy. I just see my children with their cousins and it makes me sad they dont have that on a regular basis.

2. Andrew is now walking around with a bucket on his head. Oh boy he is funny.

1. I'm so ready to be out of debt. We are working towards it. With our tax return this year we are going to use it very wisely and better ourselves. That way, we will free up some money to make double payments on other things to pay off as much as possible as soon as possible.

Wow, I got to 10. Not surprised. I like to talk. I will do better at updating more often. I know I say that a lot. But I mean it. Its good to get feelings out and 'talk' about them.

Goodbye for now.

Whats up Wednesday

I want to try daily themed posts. I'm awful at posting and I want to get better at it. For my faithful readers, lol, all three of you.

Each Wednesday I will try to post 10 random things going on in my life, things on my mind, and updates on previous events. Enjoy!

10. We bought a new van a few weeks ago, like 11 days ago to be exact, and I love it. Its what I've wanted since this newer body style came out. Randy is so good to me.

9. The kids started gymnastics. I realize its probably not going to produce Olympic gold medalists, but they sure are cute jumping around in the gym.

8. Elliot is going to be 3 in a few days and I'm in denial. He isn't a baby or a toddler anymore, he is a little boy now. He is rough and tumbly (also good reason for gymnastics) and sweet and loving all at the same time.

7. I watch a few kids in home and some have called me crazy. As if three kids weren't enough, I open my house, heart, and life to two other little ones. One I've watched for 4 years, one for about 6 months. I really do love these little ones like my own.

6. I am helping with the 'big auction' at Sophia's school and the grand raffle prize is either $5,000 or a trip for two to Vegas. As the trip sounds wonderful and all, I would gladly take the 5k. Pay off a few credit cards and maybe do some shopping. I do need a new wardrobe!

5. I want another baby. Not going to lie about it. I just know if we wait a few months by the time the baby is born, we will be closer to Elliot being in preschool, closer to financial freedom, and closer to only have one in diapers at a time. Good reasons to wait I suppose.

4. Elliot has this new thing where he pees in buckets, any bucket really. Its funny, but not appropriate! Gotta kick that habit, soon!

3. This 'spring like' weather is making me long for spring for real! I heard birds this afternoon when I went to get the mail. Not fair. As its only Jan 11th!

2. My children are growing way to fast and I dont want to miss a minute of it! I feel guilty for not enjoying my time with them more.

1. I bought a new stroller today, on a whim, yikes. Its one I've wanted for awhile, so not completely an impulse buy, but close. Its a sit n stand, but not the traditional one. All the reviews on it were good. I know Randy supports my decisions, but spending money always scares him. I really feel it will be our stroller for a few more years. Small than a double, but still has room for two children. I have two double strollers, a side by side and a front to back. Both have pros and cons. The one I just bought should be a good compromise to both. The best part, the color is orange! Toys r us was having a big sale today with free shipping, so I got it for 50% off and free shipping.

Well, that's all. Now I need to clean up my living room and enjoy the afternoon with my kiddos before their gymnastics class tonight!