So lately, I feel like I have been bit by the baby bug.... I have two beautiful children but yet, I want another and I want another right now, or well, in 9 months. I have had a few friends all find out they were expecting, some throughout the summer but the ones that get me are the September babies. I was wanting a fall baby and September seemed like a good time. Well, I'm not, and I wont have a Sep baby this year....
I for real, need to just let it go, I need to walk away from that desire and let it in God's hands. The quote "When you plan, God laughs" I find so true yet, I dont see God ever laughing at us. I just need to realize, God is the one who made the earth, God is the one who made the air, and the water and the trees and every living thing on this earth. Even the babies being made in test tubes for IVF, GOD made those ones too! So why do I sit here and worry about if God will give me another baby? He knows my desires and my fears of having a bigger family, but yet, He also knows my desires. Right? I just need to let it go. Stop worrying. Stop talking about it. Stop planning as though I am going to just get pregnant and let things happen.
I think our society today wants control. Duh, thats easy. There are so many ways out there you can take control of your fertility... there is even a book! You can wake up at the same time every day, and take your temperature and chart it to see when you are ovulating, you can take ovulation strips to see when you are most likely fertile and best chances to have a baby. All that is great and all, but I feel like by wanting to do all that I am taking the reigns from God and saying "its ok, I know all you've made and all, but let me have control on this matter, I know whats best" To me, that is the dumbest thing I've ever thought/said!
I believe we'll have another baby, maybe two, but I just need to let it go. Let God work in me right now today. February 6, 2010 I need to just let God have control.
I am not saying charting and doing all that is wrong, because I'm not. I'm just saying I have let my every thought and focus be on that. I did take my temperature this morning.... I have no idea when it means I'll be fertile enough to conceive a baby, I'm just taking it cause thats what "they" say to do! I'm such a mess.
My question, will this ever go away. So I get pregnant, it goes away while pregnant, then the first few months of the babies life... so, a year, I dont have this feeling, then what if it starts again, when will I just be done? When will this overwhelming desire to stop having children be done?
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