My testimony..... its kind of long!

I was recently asked to give my testimoney at ladies bible study. I had about 10 days to prep for it. In that ten days, I thought about what I was going to share. I made notes in my mind of what I wanted to say and what I didnt want to say. I thought long and hard about it, prayed over it and just had to 'wing' it when it came time. There was more I wanted to say but didn't want to take more time than I already was taking. So I thought I would share here, for those who read my blog, to read my 'story' and maybe be encouraged from it.

I was born and raised into a christian family. I can remember going to church from my very earliest memories. To me, it was my lifestyle, not a choice, or an option. My parents went, so I went. When I was 12, I remember one sunday a man came to my moms sunday school class and called her into the hallway, she came back into the room crying. She wasn't just crying, she was sobbing. She grabbed her things and told me it was time to go. I didn't understand what was going on... I was very young and naive. I only learned the truth of the whole story not that long ago actually. Regardless, we were no longer attending that church after that sunday.

Talk about throwing my world upside down. I didn't want a different church. THAT was my church. My parents started attending a new church the following week. I went because they told me it wasn't an option, but I had to go. So I did, but I didn't want to. For a few months I went but never participated in the songs or even acted like I wanted to be there. That summer, I was at church camp and God got ahold of my heart. Basically, I realized church and christianity had to be MY choice and not what my parents wanted from me. I left that week with a new desire to be there, to grow my relationship with Jesus Christ, and to make some awesome christian friends.

From age 12-18 I attended this church, and the youth group where I went on as many events as I could, as many trips as I could and joined as many bible studies as I could. I had an awesome small group with friends I could trust and share with.

The summer after I graduated high school I had a whirlwind relationship with a friend. I thought I could marry him, and was ready to just settle for him. I was really wrestling with what to do with my life. To go to college, then what college to go to, and so many other things. This man would not have been a bad husband, I'm sure of it, but I just didn't feel like I was ready to make that decision. So I ended the relationship and cruised through my school year.

That year was another downward spiral for me. I let my ability to run influence my every decision and stopped going to church. My roommate kept asking me and I kept making excuses to why I wasn't going. After falling short of qualifying for nationals, I realized something had to change in my life. The first three weeks of summer break, I was a nanny for a family going through the hardest thing in life, losing a parent. God used that three weeks in my life to show me so much about myself. During those three weeks, I didn't go for a run, or workout at all. I realized I didn't need that to be center of my life anymore.

That was also the summer I met Randy. I wasn't looking for a relationship. I knew I should step back from dating and try to focus on myself and my relationship with God. Randy and I wrote letters, phone calls, and emails back and forth as we lived a few states away. I knew early on we were going to be married but wasn't sure how soon that would be. When my dad finally gave us our blessing, we began to plan our wedding.

We were married June 25, 2005, and I moved to Michigan to join him in his ministry that he was working in. I have to be honest and say, I was so lonely. We lived there for about a year before we found out we were pregnant with Sophia. I was an assitant preschool teacher and I loved my job, but that was about it. I was excited about being a mom but I was lonely. The teacher I worked with was a good friend, but I felt guilty for not enjoying church more.

In mid October, Randy called and asked what I thought about Clare. My first thoughts were "I"m not moving" and then after about a day I decided we should pray about it. That same week, we took a drive to Clare and checked out the town. Needless to say, we were packing up and moving Mid March. Sophia was due the first week of April. We moved none to soon thats for sure.

ok, so if you are still reading, you are thinking, nothing extremely fabulous here, just a boring story. Well, this past year, 2011 was very hard for me. I found myself stuck in a rutt if you will, couldn't shake the blues and just couldn't make myself happy. I was trying to make people and things make me happy. If I just had 'this' or 'that' I would be happy. Well, that wasn't working. Randy couldn't make me happy. Its been a year of tears and sadly, some anger.

I realized no one person or thing could make me happy. God was the only one who could fill that in my life. On Sweetest Day this year, Randy bought me a new iphone. I didn't think much of it... but was playing with it and have started reading the bible through in a year. I have read every single day since. I actually like reading and enjoy reading it. Shamefully, I haven't been this excited to read my bible everyday in a while. I know, thats so sad, being a pastors wife especially. Well, thats the truth.

So, thats where I am at. Things are finally looking up and up as I get my focus off myself and more on Christ and all He has done for me. I also joined a ladies bible study and that has been great. We are studying who God is and how wonderful He is. The study has come at the most perfect timing too.

If you are feeling down and out of it today, and need/want to talk about my relationship wtih Christ because you dont know what that is, please dont hesitate to call me! I would love to chat with you on how you too can build that wonderful relationship. People will fail you, but God will never fail you!

Sardines

Do you know the game of sardines? Where one person goes and hides and the rest of the group looks, and when they find the person 'it' they hide with them.

My children are champions of this game let me tell you. I was just talking on the phone (something that happens very rarely b/c of this reason) I kept getting up and walking to a new room, to get some quietness to talk to my sweet friend. Well, they found me every single time. I went to the bathroom, found, the bedroom, found me there too. Went to the kitchen table (yes I know obvious spot) surprise surprise, they found me there too. Finally I went to the playrom and they yet again followed me. It isn't like they follow me and just play, they follow me and want to talk and ask me for things. I need to teach them when I am on the phone to let me be for a few minutes unless someone is in danger.

Dont get me wrong, I adore my children and cherish the time with them. But a few minutes on the phone is not going to hurt them to play and let me talk.

Anyway, my children may just grow up to be profesionally sardine players. haha!

Oh, and people DO read my blog I found out today ;)

A question to ponder

So, a few days ago my son turned 1. It was a bittersweet day for me as my baby was no longer a 'baby' and now is a 1 year old. But what I found more sad than that, the lack of communication between people I used to talk to alot.

I changed my facebook profile picture to a picture of me from last year when I was ready to pop (literally). I had people comment on my picture, asking if I was pregnant again. One friend even thought she missed my entire pregnancy and thought I was currently that pregnant again.

I'm not upset at these people, but it just goes to show how much we dont communicate anymore. We rely on 1-2 lines on a 'facebook status' or a 'tweet' to get our information instead of talking to these 'friends'. How many friends are on your facebook? I have 338 and I can guarantee more than half I dont talk to in real life ever. I once did talk to them either in school or are family, but not on a regular basis.

I'm not saying to ditch facebook because it does bring a level of value when you can stay in contact with alot of people. But, when you stop caring about a person and simply use facebook to judge how they are doing in life, then we have a problem.

So, go through your friends on facebook and look at each name and ask yourself, how is that person doing? Make an effort to reach out to more people, beyond facebook.