What goes in, must come out

So lately, I've been doing alot of thinking. What you put into your mind in terms of tv you watch, music you listen to, and lies you tell yourself is going to come out. So instead of putting 'crap' in, put good stuff in! For example, instead of listening to down and depressing music, try turning the chanel to a positive, uplifting Christian music channel. See what happens. Instead of watching TV shows that make you want to be of the world, turn off the tv and play a game with your kids.

I've been challenged to stop putting bad stff in my mind. I recently finished a bible study book, Telling yourself the Truth, and you know, its been awesome. Instead of focusing on what isn't true, I have been focusing on truth and its so awesome.

Believe it or not, that stuff will effect you. What you listen to on a daily basis will start to take control of your thought life and eventually will change who you are. But if you are putting the good in, the good will come out. Not overnight I'm sure, but give it a try.

Remember, God loves you and wants you to be a child of His. He wants us to honor him in all we do and say... so this isn't anything new of me.Here is the verse that just came to mind

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Yup, its right there in God's word. Our daily instruction book for our daily lives. How awesome.

Ok, I need to tidy up the house a bit... before I get the kids washed and in bed. Happy reading!

13 months

Today, my son Elliot is 13 months old. Actually, at this minute he was about 10 minutes old.... but... today 13 months.

For the past 13 months I have nursed him.I gave him myself for 13 months. I always made sure I was wearing an outfit that was easy to nurse in if we were going out in public, I was never more than an hour away from him, always was there when he was hungry, never left him for more than 4 hours at a time...

I wanted to make it a year, and I did. We did I should say. Elliot has been the perfect baby in terms of eating. He wont take a bottle, never cared for it even when he would take one. But do you blame him? Maybe he didn't dislike the bottle, but he loved where the milk came from, close to mommy!

I love that I shared myself like I did for the past year. Elliot is worth it. I am so happy we had a good experience and happy he is still going strong. I am so proud of myself and him for sticking with it. Here are a few pictures, nothing to graphic of course, but just a few to share with you.

I just need to let it go

So lately, I feel like I have been bit by the baby bug.... I have two beautiful children but yet, I want another and I want another right now, or well, in 9 months. I have had a few friends all find out they were expecting, some throughout the summer but the ones that get me are the September babies. I was wanting a fall baby and September seemed like a good time. Well, I'm not, and I wont have a Sep baby this year....

I for real, need to just let it go, I need to walk away from that desire and let it in God's hands. The quote "When you plan, God laughs" I find so true yet, I dont see God ever laughing at us. I just need to realize, God is the one who made the earth, God is the one who made the air, and the water and the trees and every living thing on this earth. Even the babies being made in test tubes for IVF, GOD made those ones too! So why do I sit here and worry about if God will give me another baby? He knows my desires and my fears of having a bigger family, but yet, He also knows my desires. Right? I just need to let it go. Stop worrying. Stop talking about it. Stop planning as though I am going to just get pregnant and let things happen.

I think our society today wants control. Duh, thats easy. There are so many ways out there you can take control of your fertility... there is even a book! You can wake up at the same time every day, and take your temperature and chart it to see when you are ovulating, you can take ovulation strips to see when you are most likely fertile and best chances to have a baby. All that is great and all, but I feel like by wanting to do all that I am taking the reigns from God and saying "its ok, I know all you've made and all, but let me have control on this matter, I know whats best" To me, that is the dumbest thing I've ever thought/said!

I believe we'll have another baby, maybe two, but I just need to let it go. Let God work in me right now today. February 6, 2010 I need to just let God have control.

I am not saying charting and doing all that is wrong, because I'm not. I'm just saying I have let my every thought and focus be on that. I did take my temperature this morning.... I have no idea when it means I'll be fertile enough to conceive a baby, I'm just taking it cause thats what "they" say to do! I'm such a mess.

My question, will this ever go away. So I get pregnant, it goes away while pregnant, then the first few months of the babies life... so, a year, I dont have this feeling, then what if it starts again, when will I just be done? When will this overwhelming desire to stop having children be done?

Another good weekend

Are you living in the moment? Are you taking advantage of what God has put in front of you? God doesn't promise you tomorrow, he only gives us one day at a time with no promise we'll see tomorrow. I ask this because a grand-daughter (in law) to our church passed away at the age of 36.... still unsure the cause. A wife and mother of two, is now gone. She wasn't promised to grow old with her husband or see her chidlren become parents. God wanted her home.

Which really makes me ask myself, what am I doing to make a difference today. Am I living to make a difference, for God to use me, or am I just going through the motions every day and taking for granted the gift of life I have every morning when I wake up.

Its alot to think about on a monday morning (or whenever you read this) but its something that struck me this weekend. This lady didn't know it was going to happen. From what we understand it was very sudden and very unexpected.

Make each and every day count. Thats what I intend to do from now one! Live each day for God and see what HE can do with it (not what I can do)

A birthday day

Sophia was invited to her first birthday party today... so much fun. I am so proud of her. At home, it seems we are always fighting to get her to share and I'm so worried about her with other kids and sharing. Today she did great! She shared and was super nice and when the birthday girl was opening her presents, she did great at letting her (and not trying to help!) Praise the Lord!

I also think we are going to do her first birthday party this year! Randy hasn't wanted to, but she is going to be 3 and has taken major milestones this year... potty trained, ears pierced, and so on. I think she is ready! I wanted to share a few pictures too....

The birthday girl and her three friends at her party:


Watching so patiently as the birthday girl opened her presents:



Sophia asked, oh Mommy, can I have that barbie? Oh but she did so great not crying when Rachel said they were hers!

Sophia and the birthday girl, Rachel.

Then the last picture is the whole group. Rachel and her three friends and her sister Jenna. What a fun time!

A sinking ship

You ever hear a song and you just can't listen to it enough, just want to keep listening to it and then you find yourself humming it throughout the day, or catch your two year old singing it while playing? I'm there!

1,000 Generations has this song, Fail us Not. There is nothing above you, there is nothing beyond you, there is nothing you can't do.... is just a few lines from the song.

Lately, I've been struggling, more like a sinking ship. I feel like my life has become a wheel and I do the same thing day in and day out.... mix that in with very little sleep due to non sleeping children and it quickly becomes a problem.

A week ago Monday my pastors wife called me, she is much more than 'my pastors wife' but she is a friend. Someone I can go to and trust and rely on. Well she asked me to join the ladies bible study at church. I immediately wanted to put up the barriers of why I can't do this. Sunday nights is our youth night and I wanted to be there for Randy. Well as I talked to her I realized this is something I needed to do. So I agreed.

I've honestly never been involved with a group like this since high school when I was in my small group. Not sure if it was a fear I had of letting my guard down or just not seeking out a group to join, but here I was, about to enter this bible study.

The book we are reading is called, Telling yourself the Truth by William Backus. Well as I started reading, I thought, I dont have any things I lie to myself about, I'm pretty 'normal' but I prayed God would use this book to open me up to change and allow Him to work through me. Well He sure is!

I often find myself allowing everything around me influence my mood and my behavior towards others and I need to stop that.
If you are looking for a good book to read, this study has both a regular book and then it has a workbook version. The same thing pretty much only room to responde and questions.

Anyway, my post started out by talking about the song Fail us Not, and now i'm talking about my bible study books. Both are very influential right now. I am praying God continues to use this to mold me into a woman after His own heart!

Oh my goodnesss.....

Apparently I only post once a month now, and without trying, I got a month in between and think, I want to blog about this day, and then never do all the time. Last night I tried but couldn't remember my password. I was so mad at myself for not remembering, then I was mad at google for their password assistance and not remembering the answer to my security question. AHH! But stay calm, I am here now and have much on my mind.

Yes, its 4:30 AM. I 'said' last night I would give Elliot a bottle when he woke insead of nursing but twice now I have nursed him. I am exhausted. I haven't slept a full night in um, I dont remember when, and he is not allowing me to leave him and do the things I want to do because of nursing. I wanted to go a year... and I did. I am ready to be done. How selfish am I sounding right about now? He isn't showing any sign of letting go anytime soon either.

The teens are having snow camp this weekend and I really want to go, and well, I can't leave him with anyone with him waking 2-3 times a night to nurse. No one else can feed him like that and he sure as heck wont take a bottle. Randy tried tonight and Ellit wasn't having it. So when he woke the second time, I tried and oh he was mad. I hate the thought that I"m giving in to nursing him, but for real, what else am I going to do. He is screaming and gets louder every minute I hold out.

I dont think people realize how bad it is here. People give me advice and say "oh Sara, you need to stop that" Thanks for that! I know! Maybe I'll wean him off during the day and then maybe just maybe he wont want to at night. Or he'll be so mad that I didn't nurse him and get up even more at night. So far its been twice tonight, once at 1 and then at 4.

I am not getting bitter, yet, but I'm frustrated. I am giving him the very best I can by nursing him, I get that, but its been a year of sharing my body with him, I am ready to be Sara for a little while without nursing or being pregnant. I *thought* I wanted another baby sooner than later but the way weaning is going I'm afraid he'll still want to nurse and I'll be 8 months pregnant.... which I dont want to do...

Sorry this turned into a major vent of my frustations... I need to try to sleep a little more before my daycare boy comes at 6:45... *yawn*