So to start my story, back in February of 2008, I was having some sharp pains in my right side of my stomach. It lasted a few days, but went away. I thought I could be pregnant, took a test, and negative. Ok, so the night before we left for vacation I was up most of the night feeling yucky. That made for a great start for vacation! While on vac. I started getting sick again. So I bought a pregnancy test, and sure enough there was a faint line.... woohoo! A line is a line in my mind.
So I came home and re-tested on Feb 16 and there was even more of a line. So, I was pregnant. Sophia would be a little over 18 months when this baby would come, wow, I'll have my hands full is all I could think about.
Well, less than two weeks later it all fell apart. The bleeding started on March 5, a wednesday. I knew something was wrong. I went to church that night and called my mom from the nursery and cried to her over the phone. I knew something was wrong. That night the bleeding got heavier and I knew what was happening. I called my doctor's office and to my surprise, my doctor called me back at 10 at night and talked me through what was going on. I didn't sleep that night, but sat and read my bible and wept, I cried out to God for answers and just wept. The next day, Randy took me to the ER because the pain was unbearable. AFter a few hours in the ER and an u/s by a very unkind u/s tech... they told me the sac was empty, there was no baby.
I believe I cried for a week straight. I would have a good morning and then it would hit me and I couldn't do anything. My due date was October 20, which is today.
I knew I wanted to try for a new baby right away. And so after a month of mourning and getting over the lost... we said we would start trying again.
On Mothers day, May 12, 2008, I got a postive on a home test. I know God has a reason for me loosing that baby. I can be more sympathetic to those who go through it now because I also went through it. I also leanred how hard it really is face it and how I never want to make a mother feel guilty for talking about her pregnancy around me.
Yes, its hard to see a baby born, especially this month, but God has a purpose for what I went through. I can't let my feelings get in the way of what God has planned for me. I'm 100% convinced HIS plan is better than anything I could ever dream up.
So, I am pregnant again, and due in 3 months. I am having a boy and couldn't be happier. I know this little boy growing in me right now has a special purpose because God wanted me to have him more than the other little baby.
So, today is a bittersweet kind of day. Its bitter because of the pain that I went through but its so sweet because I am carrying a little boy and he will chane my life.
God is good, all the time. If you want to know more, just ask.
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