False labor part one... more to come I'm sure...

So Friday, December 26 I woke to having some contractions. Knowing that in the morning when you have slept a full night your bladder is extra full and that could have caused them. So I peed, laid on the couch and thought I would wait them out. They didn't stop. So after a few hours of them being close together and mildly intense, I made Randy take me to the hospital to see what was going on.

AFter almost 2 hours of laying there, being checked twice... I was only 1 CM 20% effaced, to put it in simple words, I had a long way to go, but it was a start.

So they sent me home. The weekend came and went and my brother came to visit. It was so nice to have him here. Even though we didn't do much, just having him here, playing with Sophia meant so much to me.

Now today this morning really, its now almost 4 AM and I have been having the same feelings. I go to the doc today at 10... so hopefully he'll give me a glimmer of hope that this is not all in my head and this baby is on his way!

Sophia was born on April 1... april fools day... go ahead, laugh laugh laugh, so maybe this little one will be born Jan 1.. new years day! I think that would be rpetty awesome.... not only that, its only a day away!!! haha... well, two, and I dont want to wait that long, so today the 30th works too!! teehee

I'll post more when I know more!

Mary's point of view

I can't help but think of Mary, the mother of Jesus, and all that had to go through her mind the months leading up to the birth of Jesus.

Take a teenage girl, who has never known a man, and have an angel appear to her and say, hey look, you are going to conceive and carry a boy, name him Jesus, and he is going to be the Savior, God's only son who will die on a cross to forgive you and everyone else of their sins.

HOLY COW! I am playing Mary in our churchs play, and reading over my lines and putting my mind into the part makes me really stop and think of what kind of person Mary was. She didn't seem to hesitate or argue or say NO to the Angel, but she said "LEt it be to me what you have said!"

I heard a song the other day, A Baby Changes Everything" by Faith Hill and it is so true. I first thought the song was about a teenage mother getting pregnant, but it was about Mary and how one baby changed everything!

One baby changed my life, the birth of Jesus, gave me hope in my hopeless life, His dying on the cross gave me a hope of eternity with Him someday in heaven. How awesome!!!

As this Christmas season fastly approaches and you get lost in the shuffle of the holidays, stop and think of what went through Mary's mind, and Josephs mind as well. This couple promised to be wed, never had been together physically and yet she is found with child. That would be a little hard to explain.

If you are interested, go to you tube, and type in A Baby Changes Everything and just listen to the words of the song. Powerful words to a new beginning!

Playing this role as Mary wasn't something I would have jumped to do on my own, but being pregnant this year made me want to do it. I am not an actress by any means, but its an honor to get to play Mary. Sure I got the part because I look the part this year, but its pretty exciting to get to play the mother of my Savior!

I can't imagine what that first few nights was like for Mary and Joseph. Being born in a stable, not a clean hospital or a clean house even, but a dirty stable, where the animals eat and sleep and poop. (well come on, they do that too!)

Ok, I'll stop going and going about my amazement about this time of year. I love this holiday and the meaning behind it, so its only fitting I have a baby due shortly after : )

Have a great night and evening and if you read this on Christmas, have a very merry Christmas!!!

One month is no time....

Every time I go to the doctors, I expect him to say everything looks good, so when it happens I am not as surprised, but today, I was really happy to hear everything looked good.

I gained 4 pounds, in less than two weeks. Yes, thats a bit scary but whatever, I'm growing a baby and I need to be gaining weight right? I am only up 28 pounds total, so thats not bad. Sophia was about 39-40 pounds, so I still have ten pounds till I reach that. But of course, I have another four weeks...

Our sons heart rate was 133 and I do believe he was sleeping. He has always been so active, but today at the doctors he was nice and still and the heart beat was strong and steady. It is always such a miracle and a blessing to hear the heart beat. Makes me really appreciate the little life growing inside of me.

My doctor is a wonderful doctor. He has a small practice but he has many patients because of how good he is. I feel like he gives us time to ask and answer questions and never rushes me out the door. Today he talked about what to do when that blessed day arrives and when to head to the hospital. We live just a few miles from the hospital, so I am not worried about making it on time. BUT you never know.

I am so thankful and excited to meet this little life. I love my family the way it is, but I do feel like a part of us is missing. Once he is here, I dont know if I'll have that complete feeling or not, but I do know this little guy is much anticipated!

Randy has to work his second job tonight. Thankfully, he only has to work tonight and then he is off for two weeks. Which will get us through Christmas and New Years, then he has to go back. I want him to have off after the baby is born, but I think I"ll be ok. He leaves for work around 7 and Sophia is only up for another hour, so she'll go down and it will only be the little boy and I... so I should be able to handle that!

Plus... American Idol starts sometime in January, so I"ll be very excited to start that up with the Blackwells. Give Kathy some girl time since her daughters are both heading back to college in early Jan... Kathy needs a girl around there a few nights a week with her hubby and two sons!

I was a tad depressed today when my doctor told me he thinks I will go full term... but that is only 1 more month. That is no time at all. With Christmas next week and then New years the week after, then it will only be two weeks.... It will go fast. I look at Sophia and think of how fast her pregnancy and short life has gone and think, soon I'll be sitting here letting them play together.... in a blink of an eye really!

One month is nothing!

Happy reading! (Sophia just pooed for the second time today, better go take care of it... I suppose...lol)

Last time we had a lock in...

Ok, so we had a lock in (not a lock in) IT was different because we made the teens sleep. It was more a group training weekend, leadership retreat, but we called it a lockin. Well, it went great. The teens all seemed to have a good time, at least that is what I gathered. The food was excellant thanks to a new youth leading couple, Steve and April. Last time we had a lockin I was pregnant with Sophia, this time, with our son, so I seem to get out of these things due to pregnancy. : )

Last time we had one though, was the end of March 2007 and Sophia was born one week and a day later... so I'm wondering if next Sunday we will be welcoming our new little boy to the world? It would only be fitting to keep with our lock in tradition! I sorta hope not, because next Sunday night is the adult Christmas play at church, and Randy and I are Mary and Joseph and well, we are sorta important to have in the play. Wouldn't that be funny, Mary couldn't be here because she is REALLY having a baby! AHHH!!!! As ready as I think I am I am not ready to have my life turned upside down again. BUt it would be cool to have him and have him HOME for Christmas. That would be awesome. I am ready to meet him!

Ok, So I am terribly uncomfortable at the moment. My son is digging into my ribs and it hurts!!! I am 35 weeks, and in two weeks I will be "full term" and I hope he is ready to meet me, because I am ready to have him out!!!

Ok, watching a movie here, The Santa Claus, what a fun movie!!!

Wide awake

Ok, so its 4 AM and I am wide awake. No big deal right, wrong, this has been going on for weeks now! I am a walking zombie in the mornings anymore. I just wake up and am up for hours before falling back asleep.

Thankfully Nick at night is on and that keeps me entertained until I fall back asleep.

So, I found out my mom can't come see me and the baby until Jan 19, which is my due date. I know she is really sad about it and so am I. I really don't know if this little one will wait until then. A part of me wants him to just for her sake, but then another part truly doesn't believe he will make it. I know if he comes any sooner she will be so sad having to go to work everyday. Her co-worker is having surgery on Jan 1 and has off until the 19th and my mom and her both can't be gone at the same time. I really was looking forward to her and my dad coming right away and helping out with Sophia and just being here with us. But if I act sad or show any bit of upset over this I know it will only make her feel even worse.

So I have to act like it doesn't bother me, even though it does. I know it really doesn't matter when she comes, I know she would come as soon as she could if it were up to her but it's not.

I love where we are living, but I hate the fact that things like this keep us apart. Now, he may be a week late and then I worry for nothing, but I don't see that happening.

Oh, we went out to dinner last night, I got pepsi, that's why I am wide awake! I haven't had caffeine like that in awhile... sorry little buddy, its not keeping him awake he rolls over every so often and gives me a jab but other than that he is sleeping right now.

Ok, tomorrow is friday, or should I say, TODAY is friday... better try to get some sleep. It is going to be a long weekend.

A new day

Last night was rough, not going to lie about it, I'm ready to have this baby out. I'm wanting him to be healthy and big and strong, but I want him born 5 weeks early. I actually had a dream he was born 12/12 which would be TOMORROW!!! yikes! I don't think that will happen, but you never know.

H really thinks its funny to use my ribs as a jungle gym or a play ground... um... not what they were made for! But whatever. I am not complaining. I am very grateful to carry my own children and to have this opportunity. It will just give me a fun story to tell him someday of what he did to me. All in a loving way of course!

So Christmas is two weeks from today and I'm not as excited about it. I wont be going "home" and that has been hard for me to swallow. Again, because of this baby. He is worth it and traveling probably isn't a good idea, especially with all that I have feel feeling lately. But still, its hard for me to think this is going to be a good one. I have my family with me, Randy, Sophia and the new baby, they are my family now, but still.... its hard.

Rumor has it, my brother is coming to visit the weekend after... I can't say he is my favorite brother, because I have three great brothers, but he is definitely the one I am closest too, so for him to come to my house is so great! Not sure when they are coming or how long they are staying or what we will do, but they are coming. We gave him a puppy last year, so maybe he'll bring him and I'll get to see him. He is my dog Charlies son, so a little father-son visiting will be nice. Not sure though, I'll just be happy with Nathanael and Emily here.... even if they leave their dogs in PA : )

Ok, Sophia has really leaned to love the word MINE and Caidan has learned it as well. OY.... so annoying and frustrating to hear but whatever, its a stage she will go through and hopefully Randy and I can teach her to share.

Ok, My little son is up in my grill... haha, ok, my ribs, so I need to go do something other than sit here!

The joys of pregnancy

So this pregnancy has been so much different than Sophias. I dont want to say harder, just different.

Well, last week I started having cramp like feelings very low in my abdomen, which is what happend just a few days before Sophia entered the world, so I started to wrry. Well, I didn't think much of it, still to early to have a baby, so I sorta ignored it. Well, today I thought I better call. Turns out, I have a bladder infection. My nurse said my uterus and bladder are not friends and are both fighting for the same space, and the uterus is winning, making the infection in my bladder. I am on an antibiotic for a few days and hopefully that will clear things up. I was so sick to my stomach just thinking there could be somethign wrong with the baby or that he was coming early, but my doctor reassured me I was fine, the baby was fine, and he was going to stop anything from happening to early. he is a great doctor.

So that made for an eventful morning/afternoon today. On top of that, Sadie, our dog, has been running away. She is so silly and thinks its funny or something to take off. Three tiems in the past few days.... ugh silly dog. Anyone wnat her? She makes a great pet, when she stays in the yard and doesn't take off. The funny thing is, Charlie, who doesn't have the underground fence collar on never leaves the yard. Sadie has the bigger of the two collars, usually Charlies on, and she takes off and gets a buzz and Charlie stays and cries because she ran away. Oh fun.

Ok, so thats my day. I'll update more later. I always say I will write more often, but it never seems to work that way : )

So much to be thankful for!

So many days I stop to thank God for all the blessings in my life...

Today, it was the snow. I know it may bother me in a few months when it is still around, but today, it gave me a chance to take Sophia out to play in it and that was so much fun. Sophia had a blast being pulled around on her sled and of course I was running out of energy but it was worth it!

Plus, a situation I have been praying for is looking better : )

I have to say, this whole marriage thing, is very worth it. I dont know who I was talking to lately, about marriage and how a huge step it is and how it should not be taken lightly... it got me thinking.

My marriage with Randy isn't perfect. I wont lie and tell you it is. But God did not create it with the idea that after a few years to try it and then if it doesn't work, throw in the towel. NO... and dont get any ideas here, we are not having problems of any sort like that to cause us to want to think that... I'm just saying is all....

I love Randy, and all he does for me. He is a great man with a huge heart to serve God and to minister to people. He is a people pleaser and loves to have people around all the time. That is just one of the many reasons I love him and love to have him as my husband.

We are watching this video series in sunday school, and it has been so good. We have been married 3.5 years and I thought, oh we dont have problems yet, why should we watch this? But it has opened my eyes and showed me things to help prevent future problems! Imagine that!

He makes it easy for me to respect him because of the hard work he does for our family in providing and leading. I get so sad when I hear other women talk about their husbands in a disrespecful way. That is something I pray I never do... I always want to build him up in front of others. And if there are things that I may have a hard time with about him, I pray that I just keep it to myself.

Ok, I need to get away from the computer and finish packing. Tomorrow, we are heading to PA for Thanksgiving and i couldn't be more excited. I love this time of year and this year seems to be so special. Not sure why.

God is so good and has never not provided my needs. I know I need to keep trusting HIM to keep providing : )

Target made a mistake

Ok, so I know this unlike me to post twice in one day, or for me to complain or make a stink about things... but here it goes...

Sunday night, I found an awesome deal on a carseat at Target online. It was such an awesome deal, I almost bought two... jsut because I still wouldn't be paying close to half of what 1 normally costs. So I bought one and felt great about my purchase.

Well, today I notice my order was cancelled without any notification. I checked my emial and nothing there letting me know of why my order was cancelled. So I called Target and couldn't get through to anyone, due to high volumes of calls that night (probably everyone complaining about this car seat situation)

Anyway, I'm just bummed out I guess you can say. When a store has something wrongly priced, they usually honor that price. Why would they not do this online? I am sure giving me this car seat at this price isn't going to make the chain of Target go under or anything. I will be more willing to shop there again if they do honor this and give me my car seat at the price the wrongly listed. I know I am only one person, and my little voice wont make a difference, but I am considering going higher up in the Target cooperation. Somehow, I want to get this car seat.

I am so bummed too because I like to shop there, but I am really considering not anymore....

Doctor appointment update

I went for my regular doctor appointment today.. all is well with the little one!

I took Sophia with me, and she was so cute. I got on the scale, usually a scary thing, but only gained 4 pounds this month... woohoo... not bad. But after I got off, Sophia got on. She was 25 pounds.

Then we were listening to the heartbeat, and it was 136, right where it has been, and as soon as heard it, Sophia started to bust a move. I dont know if she was happy to hear her brothers heartbeat, or if there was a beat and she had to cut a rug. hehe... regardless, she made me smile yet again!

So we went to Meijer after the appointment just to look at some Christmas presents for her, and walking in, we saw a little boy and she was pointing and saying "caidan" which is the name of the little one I watch a few days a week. Even though it wasn't him, it was still cute that she made that connection.

I think having children is a blessing and Sophia continues to amaze me everyday. I hope I dont loose sight of that when the new little one comes. I know he will be very special to me and his milestones will mean a lot, but I hope to still enjoy my little Sophia as much as now!

My next appointment is December 19th... I will be 35 almost 36 weeks. I was surprised he didn't want to see me sooner, usually at this point the appointments happen every 2 weeks, but he wasn't worried so I shouldn't be worried either. I guess when I go again, I'll be within a month of my due date... so thats a reason to party!!

Ok, Sophia has left a wonderful smelly surprise for me, better take care of that. Caidan is supposed to be here, actually, 15 minutes ago, so I'm just waiting. Hopefully he comes! I will give the mom a call in a few minutes if she doesn't show up....

Ok, have a good one everyone!

Chocolate Night

Last night we had a chocolate night. Oh my goodness... how wonderful that was! I was really good, and only ate a small plate of goodies. I could have been very bad and ate more than I should and gave my baby a sugar high, but I love my little one and didn't want to do that to him, and have him pay me back for it later in the night!

Ok, so a sidenote. My sisters youth pastor left her church recnetly, and she has always said what a good fit it would be for Randy and I, not to mention how it take us back to PA. I got off the phone with my mom and laughed, when we were this far along with Sophia we looked into moving to a new church, so lets keep the trend going. NO WAY! I started thinking of how much I love being where we are and how content I am. God has blessed us with a great church family and a great ministry here. I dont want to leave. I always thought when an opportunity came about to move to PA I would jump on it, but God has really opened my heart to this area. It is so awesome to be in a such a great church family.

With that said, we are not planning on moving and we never even entertained the thought, for those who were worried. I just thought it was funny that a church that would be so nice for us to move to would have a position open up, and I would be at this point in my life! What a blessing!

On the baby side of things... I am now almost 31 weeks along, which gives us 9 weeks to go until the due date. I am thinking he may come early, but not sure when. I dont think I'll go past my due date, but really dont know when I"ll have this little one. I'll be full term the last week of December, so Randy is ok with that too! Then I start to think, thats next month!!! holy cow!!! AHHH!! I'm not ready for a new baby yet! Yes, I am.... I just worry a bit.

Ok, gotta go. Just thought I would share my newest thoughts!

So, if someone would hav told me the second pregnancy was harder than the first, I would still go through it, but I would consider it first. Things this time have been so very different than the first. I know this little life growing in me is worth it though, I just look forward to having my body back and being able to sit without getting jabbed in the ribs or my bladde stomped on.

Today was a good day. I ddin't have Caidan again, two days in a row. That was nice. I got a lot done, cleaned, laundry, packed for the retreat, it was one of those kind of days where I can go to bed and know I did enough in my day.

Last night was pretty eventful. Pastor Doug had an awesome message about prayer and how we should be praying. Well, right after the message a man walked to the bottom of the steps and collapsed with a heart attack. I have never witnessed something like that and I did'nt know what to do. So I prayed. I got Sophia and I went and prayed. God is soo good. The man is weak, and the muscles around his heart causing the heart attack, but he is still alive. It really made me think that we never know when our last breath will be, so what will you be doing when you take your last breath? Have you impacted the Kingdom today? I have been really thinking about that lately, and last night really got my attenion!

This weekend we are taking our teens to a retreat at THE SPRINGS, only the coolest camp ever! I used to say SRBC was the coolest, but the springs has climbed the charts and in my opinion has passed SRBC... another post for another day. The retreat is a purity and holiness retreat. I am really praying that our teens take something home from this. I remember coming to a point in high school to not kiss until I was married... even though I didn't keep that vow, I learned alot through it. There is mroe to a relationship than the physical side.

Ok, its pretty late and I could really keep this post going about what I have just sprung in the last paragraph, another post for another day.

I am just baking the last tray of cookies for my sweet husband who wanted my moms recipe of chocolate chip cookies... so the love of my life... enjoy your cookies!

Tired, oh so tired

I know God is good, and why do I complain?

I should just end the post at that, but of course I wont.

I love my husband, but being married is hard. Being self-less is very hard. All I want (this week) is a crib for my baby. I am having a terrible case of nesting and feel the need to have a crib in the babys room. A crib that this little one wont even sleep in until he is born (duh) and then even some time after that! But I still find the need to have a crib!

I just wish I could be handed $5,000 tomorrow, then I can buy a crib, not even a super expensive one, just a crib!

Why am I making such a big deal out of this! Its not! I have enough of everything I truly need for this little one, and I know its not the material things that make a baby happy, but I do know that a place to sleep will make him happy.

Ok, I'm done venting over this. I am going to finish watching one tree hill then hopefully fall asleep. Randy is working tonight... probably till midnight or so, so annother night of falling asleep on the couch and then moving to the bed when he comes home. At least I have my two guard dogs... who are currently sound asleep and would take a minute to really wake up and protect me! oh well, they try.

Ok, to all you readers, if there are any!!! Goodnight!

So, God is good all the time!

I need to start my days with that thought. No matter what happens, always to come back to that! There will always be bad things around me, but if I focus on the goodness of God and His promise to never leave us, then life isn't so bad!

Pastor Doug had a good quote a few weeks ago on Weds night... if you want to be discouraged look around you, if you want to find hope, look up to God! He is the provider of hope! How awesome of a comfort to cling to!

God has give me a great group of friends, some close by and some that I"m not sure when I'll see again face to face. But the famiy of God is amazing. No matter where we are physically, we can always pray for each other and I know God hears those prayers!

Colossians 3:17 was the verse Pastor Doug spent some time on Wednesday night

"And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."

He challenged us to base our week, our days, our every thought/action on that verse. No matter what we are doing, to always be able to do it in Christs name. To never be caught doing something that in the middle of you couldn't stop and praise the Lord for it. What a challenge! I think of myself as a good person and one that pleases God most of the time, but a challenge to me is to make sure everything I do is pleasing to Him! Pretty awesome stuff if you ask me!

On a different note... we went on a crib hunt last night with no sucess. We couldn't decide if we wanted to bump Sophia to a big girls bed and give our new baby her crib, or if we wanted to buy a second crib and let her sleep in her crib until she is ready to be done. I dont want to rush her to grow up... and I want to be able to put her in her bed and know she'll be there after my shower. We are still cribless and still looking. But what I said earlier goes still... God is good and will provide us a crib in the perfect timing. I just need to realize it may not be on my time schedule we get it : )

Ok, better get going. Sophia is playing and Caidan is sleeping. I should probably do something productive this morning!

Oct 20... a bittersweet kind of day

So to start my story, back in February of 2008, I was having some sharp pains in my right side of my stomach. It lasted a few days, but went away. I thought I could be pregnant, took a test, and negative. Ok, so the night before we left for vacation I was up most of the night feeling yucky. That made for a great start for vacation! While on vac. I started getting sick again. So I bought a pregnancy test, and sure enough there was a faint line.... woohoo! A line is a line in my mind.

So I came home and re-tested on Feb 16 and there was even more of a line. So, I was pregnant. Sophia would be a little over 18 months when this baby would come, wow, I'll have my hands full is all I could think about.

Well, less than two weeks later it all fell apart. The bleeding started on March 5, a wednesday. I knew something was wrong. I went to church that night and called my mom from the nursery and cried to her over the phone. I knew something was wrong. That night the bleeding got heavier and I knew what was happening. I called my doctor's office and to my surprise, my doctor called me back at 10 at night and talked me through what was going on. I didn't sleep that night, but sat and read my bible and wept, I cried out to God for answers and just wept. The next day, Randy took me to the ER because the pain was unbearable. AFter a few hours in the ER and an u/s by a very unkind u/s tech... they told me the sac was empty, there was no baby.

I believe I cried for a week straight. I would have a good morning and then it would hit me and I couldn't do anything. My due date was October 20, which is today.

I knew I wanted to try for a new baby right away. And so after a month of mourning and getting over the lost... we said we would start trying again.

On Mothers day, May 12, 2008, I got a postive on a home test. I know God has a reason for me loosing that baby. I can be more sympathetic to those who go through it now because I also went through it. I also leanred how hard it really is face it and how I never want to make a mother feel guilty for talking about her pregnancy around me.

Yes, its hard to see a baby born, especially this month, but God has a purpose for what I went through. I can't let my feelings get in the way of what God has planned for me. I'm 100% convinced HIS plan is better than anything I could ever dream up.

So, I am pregnant again, and due in 3 months. I am having a boy and couldn't be happier. I know this little boy growing in me right now has a special purpose because God wanted me to have him more than the other little baby.

So, today is a bittersweet kind of day. Its bitter because of the pain that I went through but its so sweet because I am carrying a little boy and he will chane my life.

God is good, all the time. If you want to know more, just ask.

Another day

So it seems that once a week I have an emotional pregnant day. Yesterday, that was me. The morning was great. I got so much done, cleaned the kitchen, made breakfast for the kids (Sophia and the little boy I watch Caidan) and had it all going for me. Not sure when that all changed, but boy did it ever!

Around noon I was changing diapers/clothes, getting them out of pj's... yes it was noon before I did that! So they both had wet diapers, but within a few minutes of changing them, they both pooped. So, that started the day off great. Then I laid them down for naps, and they were both sleeping great. When the phone rang. Randy is super sweet and wouldn't have called if he knew I was sleeping. But alas, it woke me up and woke up Sophia who then woke up Caidan.... *sigh* ny nap was over.

Not only did Randy call, he kept calling. He was goign to buy material for me to make a blanket for the new baby, which is super sweet, how could I be upset at that? BUT on top of all of what was going on, I coudln't find Sophia's sippy cup. That should be a big problem, but oh it was bothering me so much!!! Enough to start crying, more like sobbing. What a wreck I was! I called Randy and he said he would come right home.

One of these days I wont be pregnant and I'll be normal again. Maybe... haha...

SO I washed the cute material Randy bought for me and now I have the front of my son's blanket done. I'm excited to have Randy pick out the material because it makes it part his too. I made it, did all the sewing, but he had a huge part in picking out the colors. I like that. He is such a great guy!

So when Randy got home, he bundled Sophia up and took her outside on the mower and I took a nap. I was goign to make dinner too, but the internet wouldn't work and so I couldn't look at the recipe, so we had leftovers for dinner and I am making the meatloaf tonight. I plan on starting it in 30 minutes or so... something like that.

Tonight we are going back to Mt. Pleasant to buy candy for the trunk or treat tomorrow in town, and go back to Joanns to buy the fabric for the back of the quilt. What Randy bought is nice, but I want a different color. I'll use what he bought for something else for sure!

Just an update

Ok, so a week ago I was having a super pregnant day... everything could go wrong did, and I was just very emotional about it all! But things got better and I can look back now and laugh... haha... but moving right along!

I am not 26 weeks pregnant, and that means 14 weeks to go! Almost to my third trimester! I am really ok with this little baby coming early and being here for Christmas. But wouldn't have to have it that way... just would be nice.

We are playing Mary and Joseph in our church's Christmas play, on December 21, and I think it would bo so funny if during the play I did actually go into labor and have to leave! What a riot!

So I'm watching Monsters Inc right now... *sigh* it makes me miss my roomie Tiana! We had a blast our freshman year together and I think this movie was playing all the time!

I miss those days! But wouldn't trade what I have now to go back to them. I love my family and my daughter... I have a blast with her! And my soon to be new baby in January, maybe december... if things happen!

Ok, gotta keep going! Caidan is coming today and I have to be out of my PJ's when he comes!

Anticipation

Ok, so I last wrote a few weeks ago, so much has happenned.

First, I had my doctors appointment, all is well. The heart rate was 150... which is just lurking in the middle. I gained some more weight, which for being pregnant, is a good thing... I am up 11 pounds so far. Not to bad for over halfway!

Tonight we have an ultrasound. I still really dont care to know what we are having, but may just take a peak and see what I see. The surprise will be a surprise whether I find out today, or wait until January. Regardless, we may keep it a secret until the we have teh baby. Maybe we wont share the names, but we'll see. I'm sure I'll want to tell everyone about what we are having if we find out.... so many decisions!!

Sophia is now 18 months, which seems super hard to believe! I can't believe she is here and is doing all that she is doing. So active and into everything. Not so naughty, but just busy. She listens better than some little ones I've seen her age. So, I can't really complain about that!

I had a birthday, now 25. woohoo. Randy had a surprise party for me saturday night. What a sweetheart he is! I really love my birthday, and like the surprises, but hate making a big deal about it. I hate telling people what I want to do, but if they just plan it and do it, then I love it. Then on the actualy day, Sep 30, we went out to dinner and then did a little shopping. Then the next day we went back and bought the things we wanted. I got a new pair of maternity jeans, Sophia got a new outfit to wear this weekend at our Christmas party, and then the new baby almost got an outfit, but we decided to wait on that one.

So, I need to fold the basket of clothes on my couch behind me, I dont want to, and dont hvae any motivation to do so... but I guess I should. I then should put together our bag for this weekend. We are going to my mother in laws hosue for Christmas... thats right, its October, but we celebrate early. They leave for Florida in a few weeks and like to celebrate early. So friday night we'll have a christmas party. I bought sophia a cute sweater/sweatshirt to help get into the festive mood. Plus she'll be able to wear it later for the actual holiday. So it wasn't a bad purchase : )

Ok, I'll post pictures later from our ultrasound... super excited and only 4 hours to go!!! woohoo!!!

21 week update

Here I am at 21 weeks... This picture doesn't show my belly as big yet, but trust me it is getting there. I am bigger than I was at this point with Sophia, but I hear that is normal the second time around.

I go to the doctor again on September 22, and hopefully he'll schedule an ultrasound so I can see my little peanut on the screen again. I had one at 16 weeks, so it'll be fun to see how big the little peanut is now!

Ok, that is all about me for now. I just wanted to share a picture. My belly button has popped, and when you pull my shirt tight across my belly you can see my belly button sticking out. It will go back to normal eventually.. at least it did with Sophia.

Alright, gotta go. Have a good day!

An update

I was reminded today how I haven't updated this in a while... thanks Tiana!

Whats been going on with me? Well, I am now over half way into this pregnancy, which means my life will change forever again in less than 4 1/2 months! Bring it on! We still dont know what we are having, but that is a part I like. I like not knowing. My next appointment is on Monday sep 22, so we'll probably have an ultrasound scheduled after that.

Lately, I have been feeling old... ok, yes I know I am 24 and not old, but I can remember the night before 7th grade and telling my mom in what I thought was a grown up conversation that the next 6 years of my life were going to be great, jr high and high school, and that they would go soo slow and I would love it all. Now here I am 6 years out of high school and wondering where the time went? That conversation happened 12 years ago, half my life ago!

Then it started me thinking on what I have done in those 12 years for Christ. What HE has done for me will never compare to what I can do for HIM, but does that mean I shouldn't try?? NO WAY! I need to keep pushing on and keeping striving to better the kingdom of God! What a priviledge I get to live out! I just wish I had this attitude every day. What I need to do is wake up and just make it my attitude. There are only a few things you can truly control in life, and your attitude is one of them. You can't always control how others are goign to treat you or how the cards will be dealt, but you can control how you respond to everything that is handed to you.

That is my challenge to you , anyone who reads this. MAke the most of every day. When you wake up make it your daily challenge to commit to and SERVE the most HOlY God! Recently we had to say goodbye to a very dear lady in our church and I have never met anyone who said a bad thing about this lady. What a testimony for her sure but to the God she served! I want to have that for me! Not so people look at me and think of me as a good person when I die, but to look at me and say wow, she was on fire to serve God and made it her life mission! That is what I want to be remembered for. And to be honest, I'm not doing a good job. I want and need to do better. Sophia is getting bigger and will soon start to really see what her mommy is like and I want her to see a woman who fears the God she serves and not only says it but lives it!

Speaking of Sophia, she is so cute and growing so fast. She is in love with her daddy and cries when he leaves and curls up on the couch when he is trying to sleep. I love that she loves her daddy and needs him. What a special relationship they are building. A father daughter relationship can mean so much for a young girl. I know I had a great relationship with my dad, and still do, but now as a mother I can respect all my dad and mom did for me growing up.

Ok, what a post. I need to go to bed. I'm super tired and I have a bit of a headache. I really dont want to take anything for it if I dont have to, so I think sleeping it off is the best bet right now. Goodnight everyone!

Roofing

So the past two days, it has been chaos at my house. Starting from 8 in the morning and not stopping until 9, we have had roofers here. We chose to just have friends help us and not pay someone, what a huge blessing they have all been!!!!!

My job has been to feed them all. Not hard right? Well these men can eat. Some of them always come back and look at the empty plates and say "is there any more" Oh, you want more besides the two hamburgers, one bbq chicken sandwhich and two hot dogs you just ate, you want more? The food has already cost us close to $200 dollars... yes I'm not lieing. I dont mind feeding them, but honestly, comments like that drive me crazy. Go to mcdonalds if you want more, I'm all out! For free food dont complain. Yes I know they are working and doing it for free, but come on!!

Besides that its all going well. My brother came today, what a blessing he is! I miss my family but when I see them for the first time or when they first show up a lump always appears in my throat and I just want to cry. I love my family and really miss them all. Being in Michigan I am pretty far away from them all. It stinks, but it can be a good thing. Just not sure how its good yet...

Ok, so I'm pretty tired, exhausted really. I am cooking all day long! I feel like one meal is done and I start the next. It never ends! Now that dinner is over I feel like I can clean up and close the kitchen. My brother is staying over but everyone else is going home! Thankfully only one more day of this. I just done know what I'm going to feed them tomorrow, more burgers? Leftovers? I can make pizza again, that would work. I have to go to the store, and buy more food. Why not.

Ok, my venting is over for tonight. I am so sleeeeepy and my feet are swollen. *sigh*

14 weeks

Well, I am now 14 weeks. Woohoo. Only 4 more weeks until I can possibly know what the gender is. I personally dont care to know, find it fun not knowing, but we may find out just because. Why not?

This week we are tearing off the shingles on our roof and putting new ones on. Why tear off the old to put on new ones? haha, makes sense to me. Well we dont want any leaks and leaving the old ones on may cause leaks. We dont want that.

Lately, I've been so moody. I know its pregnancy and the extra hormones in me, but I should be able to control them! It was never this bad with Sophia. I feel like I should leave while Randy does the shingles because all the prep that goes into it makes me stress!

Ok, enough venting. I'm done. Talk to you all later

a recent update

Well, not sure what I last wrote, haven't read it lately, but since I think I last wrote, here is what is going on...

We are going to have a baby! woohoo! I've reached 13 weeks, which is a safer time to share. When we lost the baby at 6-7 weeks I was truly devastated. I wanted to be so angry at God and just turn away from Him, but He is the only way I got through it. I realzied my plan is nothing compared to what He can do for me. I have learned so much through that whole experience that if I could, I wouldn't change what happened to me. It has made me a better person. I am thankful for what I went through. Hard as it was and even harder to really say this and mean it, I truly am thankful. someday when I reach the pearly gates of heaven I'll meet my little one that went "home" before I got to hold him/her, but that day it will all be worth it.

We will also be finding out the gender of this one. So many people have given us their opinions about it but it comes down to what Randy and I want. Randy wants to know and I do too... but it also doesn't matter to me. It would help with planning to be ready for when the little one comes. We dont make a ton of money, so if we know, we can prepare slowly, month by month until January. We dont need much, basically clothes if its a boy.

Some things I have been learning lately, when there is a difficulty in your path, do you pray and ask God for help right away, or do you use him later when nothing else is working. Pastor Doug had a quote a few weeks ago, Is prayer your first resource, or your final resort? I had to step back and look at that and think, more often, I tend to make it the final resort. Some simple examples, when I'm looking for something. I will search and look but never stop and ask God to help me see it. Then when i finally do, I always find it right away. You would think I would already have learned this lesson and make it the first resource! I tell ya what, I am human, and I do ere, but I pray and I strive to make it a daily challenge to seek God first in my life. Who gave me life? Who has given me everything I have? Randy provides for me, but Randy hasn't gone out and made anything for me, He hasn't made anything out of nothing like our GOD has!

Wow, I could go on and on about how Good and great our God is, but I think my body needs sleep. I have an early day tomorrow and really the rest of the week will be super busy.

When is it my turn?

So since I last wrote, both of my cousins who were due early June had their babies. Robyn was first on May 31, a boy, and then Emily had hers today, June 13, a boy. *sigh* I know I have a baby already, not so much of a baby, but honestly, it takes forever to have another! Doesn't nine months seem like a long time to anyone else?

Speaking of baby, yes, there is another on the way. Having lost one already, I'm so scared to be typing this. I am almost to 9 weeks, this weekend will be. I am very much looking forward to getting pat the first trimester and having the baby grow normally. I know whatever God has in store, is the best.

Randy is working again tonight. He works a lot right now. We need the money. I can't be selfish and want him home all the time. It has been a growing time for me however. I have learned to rely on myself more. I was never an independent person before but I am starting to become one. I hear the words from Pastor Doug all the time. God is the most important person in my life. I need to focus on that and not rely on Randy as much but on God. Its hard. I want to find strength in randy, but in the end he will fail me. God will never fail me. The truth I have to cling to daily. I love Randy very much and always look forward to being with him, however, my strength needs to come from God alone.

Lets make this post even more random, I rented the movie, The Other Boelyn Girl. I had no idea it was based on history. I had to turn it off. I couldn't watch the truth of what was going to happen. I then went online to read about King Henry VIII and realized that was the king I learned about in my history classes at Northland. Dr. Bennett stood and lectured about this King and I half listened. Shame on me. He was an amazing teacher, boring at times, hard to listen to, but very intelligent. I wish I would have paid more attention.

Sophia is crying, hmm, should I take her some milk and cuddle her until Randy gets home, or make her fall back asleep. I really want my baby, so I think I better give her some milk and sooth her back to sleep. Randy may be disappointed to find her with me in bed when he comes home, but he'll understand. I hate being alone. Especially at night. I guess this is a small price to pay while we are getting ourselves out of financial woe. Its not forever, just until we feel comfortable again with our finances. When will that be? Good question.

Alright, this has been enough of a ramble. the title is all wrong, I know when it'll be my turn, Jan 19th (ish). Maybe he/she will come for Christmas. That would be an ok present dont you think? I found out on Mothers day, another worthy gift.

Goodnight all.

A long day

So, I haven't posted in a few days, several reasons. I've been super busy! I need a weekend to recover from my weekend.

Randy worked all day on Saturday mowing, and that was fine. I watched my neighbors two kiddos sat night for a few hours to give them a break. I made 1 batch of cookies before,t hen when they left, I started the second batch. They were for my dear Stacy's open house. *sniff* she has to go away to college in the fall! But oh well, that's what happens.

Sunday, we had church, then we tried to get on the road right away but Charlie threw up in his kennel and had to be cleaned out. My gag response right now is terrible so Randy had to do it. We got lunch, good old Wendys, and hit the road. After driving for just under 3 hours we got to Randy's mom's house. With, Randys brother and his three kids, plus Randy, me, and Sophia. We had a full van. We actually went to his siters house for a picnic. That was a blast. We then left and went to Randys moms house for the night. We had to be on the road by noon the next day to make it home intime for the open house... so it was a whirlwind of a trip, very fast and also very short. We dropped Dan and his kids off in Grand Rapids and kept going the remaining 2 hours home. We got to the party at 3 and I jumped in and started helping in the kitchen. We left the party at 5 ish for our "Date night" We got home from that around 9 and I just wanted to pass out. I was exhausted.

Needless to sy, yesterday was a day of rest. I didn't do much but take care of Sophia. Today we have our church picture for the new directory so I need to pull away from the computer and get started on getting ready! Sophia also needs a bath, or at least her hair needs some special attention.

So, charlie had to go to the vet today, hes ok. I thought it was worse than it was, but the vet gave us an anti-biotic to help make him better. He's ok. Or will be ok.

Alright, gotta jet. I need a shower and to get my hair done for the church directory picture!

A beautiful day out!

Today is just beautiful out. I have the door open right next to me as I type this and the breeze feels so good. The birds are chirping and the neighbors dog is barking, as usual. I had to bring my two dogs in because they were trying to bark back at Shadow.

Randy is working again today, he went in around 11:30 and will be home around 6, only to turn around and go back at 7-1. I hate mondays. I used to look forward to them, his day off, our day as a family. But the past month its been the same thing. He is home for about 40 mins in the evening and back to work. The paycheck is nice and its to pay our silly credit cards off... so I guess we dont deserve to see each other right now. The pay checks he has been bring home have been very nice. The one card we thought would take a year to pay off is down to 6 months left. That is a huge blessing. It lightens the load a bit every month. We are still not out of the woods yet though.

I am feeling sorta crumby. I have a cold *sniffle* and I just can't get rid of it! I've done all the tricks to get rid of it without taking medicine, but I just am at a loss. I want it gone! Maybe a nap will do the trick.

Currently I'm reading the sisterhood of the traveling pants and there are three more books after this one. I am more than half way done with the first and I intend on reading once I finish this. The book reminds me of my friends from SRBC days. We spent the summers together but the school year we all went our own ways. No matter what, the summers would bring us all together again. I miss those days. I do however enjoy my life now. I love my husband and the life we have created together. My daughter is beautiful and I can't imagine not having her. Speaking of sophia, she hits her mattress anymore and is asleep in 30 seconds. I guess her bed is magical because it never tkaes her long! She may let out a scream, but once she realizes its a good thing, she doesn't fight it and gives in to sleep. she got that from her daddy. I dont fall asleep that fast!

Alright, off to book world! Have a nice day!

How Great is Our God!

So today has been a good day. God is so good. He gives strength to get out of bed in the morning, he gave me a new day! I am blessed to have another opportunity to serve Him!

Tonight I am going to a dinner theatre with another couple. Randy is suppoed to be home at 5:30 because we have to leave at 6. The babysitter is coming at 6, so hopefully sophia will do well with a sitter tonight. We left her over night last night, so this is two nights in a row. At least this time she is at home and with her own toys not somewhere else.

I was thinking of all the good God has done, and even the bad has turned out good. He doesn't do "bad" but the things that have gone wrong in my mind have turned out good actually! I'm so blessed to serve a God who lvoes me for who I am and will never waiver in that! How many of you can say that about anyone in your life? Even Randy will love me less on days, but not my God! I am so undeserving of this love of HIS but yet he has given it me! It was also a free gift. How many times in your life is anything free? The only side to it, I get to serve Him! How can taht be a terrible thing? Not at all!!! I get the biggest smile on my face when I think about the awesomeness of my God and how much He loves me!

Also, I am only responsible for myself! I can't be judgemental of anyone else because I only have to stand before God someday and account for all my actions, not the ones of others! Thats awesome as well! Do I love everyone? Well, I try, but there are some that are harder to love than others! But God has given me the power to love. I absoultely love that about HIM!!!

OK, I need to go, get Sophia's dinner going to Braida K can feed her when she gets here and I also need to clean a little more! Yikes for a messy house!!!!

Have a great night all!

What a day!

So today started out very early, at 3:30 Sophia was kicking her legs and making her crib hit the wall that our bedroom shares with hers. Randy nicely rolls over and wakes me up so I go take care of her. She wasn't really awake, but just wanted to wake us up I guess. Finally got her back down around 4. *yawn*

So Randy got up and fed SOphia breakfast then went and looked for his wedding ring. Shortly after he started looking he found it! Praise the Lord! I was ready to go buy him a new one, but he was going to look for it with a metal detector first. Good thing because there isn't the spare cash right now to buy a new ring!

He took the day off today and just had family time. We went to Meijer and ate at the deli, then looked at baby stuff, and found an awesome kitchen for Sophia. It is just like the one at the church nursery and so it was a great buy! I'm actully buying one for my niece for her birthday because Brittian, my sister-in-law talked about wanting one for her. Then we went and tried our key in a new Chevy truck, we didn't win it but we did win an ipod! woohoo! Randy has talked about wanting one so good for him. Then we went to Walmart, Target and Tractor Supply. It was an all around great day.

We got home, got the bikes ready, cleaned out the van and went and picked up a stroller buggy for behind the bike and went for a bike ride. Wow! My legs are sore but it was great. Now we have the buggy for behind, we are going to try to bike more often. It is great exercise and so we should do it right?

Now I am home, very tired from a long day and ready for sleep! Tomorrow Caidan comes at 7:30 so I need to sleep to be ready for him. He leaves and shortly after I have to go to the church for THE BIG EVENT. Sophia will sleep over at her adopted Grandmas house for the night and Randy and I will take the kids to an outreach event. I'm a little nervous about going but I'm sure it will be fine.

WHEW what a day what a post! Sorry to give you a boring play by play. Maybe tomorrow night or sat I'll update you on how Awesome the God is that I serve and tell you all what HE has been doing in my life. It's truly amazing!!


Until then! Goodnight all!

Just a ring

Yesterday was a very interesting day. It was beautiful out! So tht was good.

Around 2 I get a call from Kathy wanting me to go to the softball game with her to see Stacy (her daughter) play. Since Randy was going to do some yard work for a lady who needed help, I thought sure. So I packed some snacks and juice and milk for Sophia and off we went. First of all, she has a bit of a diaper rash right now, so she is a little fussy from that, and so that made a long night. We didn't have the stroller so there wasn't a chance for her to sleep while I pushed her, so she spent the time in my arms or walking around and falling every 2 seconds. So we went to the car and we both fell asleep. Much needed on both parts.

We get to the Blackwells for American Idol and Randy called and said he was wrapping up and would be there soon. Around 8:15 or so. Now he is at a second place working for the evening. Well, there he was raking and lost his wedding band. Not a big deal, we'll get him a new one. It doesn't make him less married or anything. I kinda hope we dont find it, because he purchased that band before we met, and I want him to wear one that I buy him, or that we bought together. I know its a silly ring, it doesnt make him any less married to me by not wearing one. I just like him to have one. I want people to know he is married : )

So he didn't get home until after 9. I was already home from watching American Idol and had a terrible headache. I hadn't eaten enough so that is what caused that one. So I was laying on the floor with Sophia who would occasionally snuggle me, then get up and run and play. She is a sweet heart! So he came home and gave her a bath, which I thought she would scream because of the diaper rash, but she didn't.

He put her to bed and I was super hungry. I really wanted a hamburger from burger king with ketchup only. Yeah, craving? Its only the beginning too. So he ran out to the store and picked up a burger and small fries for me. He got home, I was sleeping. I woke up though, ate the burger, felt very sick, like I was going to throw up. But instead fell asleep.

So, it was a long day. I haven't seen Randy for more than an hour during the day since Sunday. It is now Wednesay, and he is busy at church working. This is staring to wear on me. Working a second job that is. I like the fact to dig our way out of debt, but this? Is it really worth not seeing him? I have to keep telling myself its only temporary. Probably for the summer and then he'll be back to only his main job. Hopefully by then we will have eliminated a few debts and will be comfortable again.

NOW, Caidan is here for the day, and he wont stop crying. I dont know what else I could do, i changed him, fed him, well tried to, and he pushed it away. What am I supposed to do? He wants my undivided attention, and well, there are things I need to do. He stopped and is playing. Now Sophia is awake and I need to go get her and hopefully the two will play and have a good afternoon.

Alright, enough venting, talk to you all later!

a long time coming

So, I haven't posted in a few days.
Much has happened since I last posted. Mothers day, I called my mom and all four of my siblings were there at "home" I of course started to cry but tried to hide the fact so my mom wouldn't be sad too. It didn't work. She of course knew. Living 7 hours away makes it hard to go home. Especially since gas here is now $4 a gallon!

Dont get me wrong, I love living in Michigan. What we have here is awesome and I can see God at work, but it doesn't make me miss my family all being together any less! Out of all my siblings, I think I enjoy everyone being together the most! When someone isn't there its not the same. I have a great family, everyone who is married in makes the family complete. I love my siblings, but now we have all been married long enough for those friendships to have really developed. I am truly blessed to have a great family!!

Randy says he is coming home early today to spend some time with me and Sophia before American Idol. We will probably go to the park and let Sophia play. She really loves beign outside and playing on the play yard!

Alright, I need to go get the laundry folded and get the kitchen clean. My only two goals for today. If you would see how much I have to do, you would say those are very lofty goals for one day : ) I have had little motivation lately to do any of the above. I've been se exhasted and when Sophia is down I find myself wanting to lay down as well. She is down right now, but no nap for me! I have to get stuff done!

LAter!!

What a day

I wont have time to post later today, and I have so much on my mind right now!

When I was having my m/c a few months ago, I remember pulling out my bible and just reading and crying and pouring my heart out to God. I remember in those moments where I was truly calling out to Him, a peace. A peace that it was ok I was loosing that baby. That HE would deliver me through it! No matter what would happen, no matter what else would come, HE would always be there!!!

How many of you have a friend like that? Honestly, my husband is great, but he is human and I know there would be a day, if it hasn't happend already, where he would let me down. Any let down at all! God has never let me down! Sure I have been upset and confused and not sure why certain things have happend to me, but I know HE Is still there!

The theme of our church camp this summer is WOW! And when I start to really step back and look at what God is doing and what all He has done I can't stop saying and thinking Wow! Next time you are starting to feel down and start to have a pity party, just step back and do that. Look at the sky full of stars and think, who put them there? Then imagine a newborn baby and think, who gave us this baby? The same giant hands that hung the stars in the sky also put that tiny baby together. That doesn't make you go wow, then I'm not sure you are human!!!

Ok, we are having some company over tonight from church, so I need to get away from this computer and get stuff done! Like, clean off the table, wash the table clothe, thaw the chicken, oh the list seems longer than I can think of right now. My head is starting to hurt a little too, hmmm.

Later! Thanks for reading!

A day off

I was supposed to have a 2 year old today for a friend.... turns out she woke up not feeling well and didn't want to expose her to my little girl. I was relieved from that phone call. I wouldn't have minded at all, looking forward to it actually. But, I needed a day of rest.

I have'nt been feeling all that well lately, and to be honest, I just want the weekend to come, or next week a certain visitor to arrive and relieve my mind. I'm either pregnant or going crazy. (dont vote for the second). There is a good chance I am, but its still way early to know for sure. Unless I did a blood test, but those costs money. So I am playing the waiting game.

AFter having a miscarriage almost 2 months ago, it reallly hurts the thought of could be and then not being. I want another baby, I have such a desire to nurture and bring another baby into this world. I have a feeling with number two our family may be complete. Things are tight financially with my husband and I and I'm not sure a third baby would help that. Unless this baby is twins... then I have no choice than to have three! Listen to me, 'this baby' I'm not even sure I"m pregnant yet! What am I talking about.

My mom on the phone today said, "the fun is in the trying right?" you have to know my mom, that is way of her normal to say something like that. I was just taken back by it and sorta laughted a bit. I told Randy after we talked and he just laughed, and agreed with her.

Speaking of Randy, he is out working again tonight. I'm exhausted thinking about the hours he has been logging. Between the church and the second job cleaning I'm so in love with him even more! He is working so hard to provide for our family... to get us out of stinking comsumer debt. STuff we don't need, yet he is committed to get us out of debt. Hopefully by this time next year we will owe no money to credit cards and then we can focus on paying off my van and then our house!

Alright, I'm feeling sorta yucky tonight, like I could throw up and just not good. So I'm taking my dogs and going to bed. When Randy works late, I take them to the bedroom and they sleep on the bed till he comes home. Then they go to there corner. We have this nice entry way at our house thats off to the side of our front door and its perfect for the dogs! Its big enough for them both to spread out and sleep at night. IT is a great spot for them. We put a baby gate up and block them in there so Charlie doesn't go through the house and pee wherever he likes. (he does that sometimes)

Sophia has been in bed for over an hour now, so goodnight!

The start of the week

So today is Randy's usual day off... however he is working today until 6, hes been gone since 8. I'm not really able to be upset because we ned the money, however, I do miss him.

The job he started early this morning was for a guy at church who is in his 70's and can't take care of his yard. My sweet loving husband takes care of that. He also was to work today at 11:20 for his second job workiing until 6. That too is mowing and taking care of the cemetary in town. I know we need the money and I know I shouldn't complain, but I miss him. He has been working this new job for almost 2 weeks now, and really, I haven't seen him much in the past two weeks. One night last week he did call a babysitter over and we went and had dinner, but then we went straight home because he was very tired. I just dont know what to with myself. Sophia is napping and thats a great thing, but I can only clean so much and once its done, then what?

Oh Lord help me to fill my time with things that please you! Help me to focus on you during my days so that I dont have down time! Give Randy safety as he mows and help him to be a light for you!

I'm so glad I have this relationship with a God who is loving, just and one that has forgiven me of every sin! Its an awesome feeling! Do I still sin? Yes, but I dont sin because I know I am forgivn, I sin because I am human. I will never not sin, until someday I am in glory standing face to face with my Savior. I live my life now so that I try not to sin. I dont want to purposefully hurt my God. If you want to know more, PLEASE ask. Dont live another day without knowing the truth. I am usually avaiable.

Sophia is awake. I need to go some love from her. She gives the best hugs and snuggles!

Another saturday

So today is saturday, Randy is working, again all day, so I'm on my own. There is a ladies tea at church today and I plan on going. We are supposed to wear a hat, but I dont own a hat other than a tigers hat.... which is not what they had in mind, so I'll just go and borrow one. A lady who invited me said there would be extra for me to wear if I didn't get one before hand. I had a cute white hat, but I think it got lost in the move, one of them! (We've moved three times in the past 1 1/2!)

Randy is working today, he left almost an hour ago. I found his cell phone on th bed though, so hopefully I'll be able to swing by the place where he is mowing and drop it off to him. Not that he can really use it while he is mowing, but you know, he likes to have it around. Me, I sometimes forget I have a phone and just leave it at home or keep the ringer tunred off. I have been doing better lately though!!

Let's see, not much else is going on. The Kentucky Derby is on tv today, which the only real importance to me was almost marching in it 9 years ago. I was a freshman in high school and it fell the over the weekend of the biggest track meet of the year... my coaches were telling me I was needed for the meet and so I couldn't go. I wasn't to bummed about it though, I would have rather ran in the track meet than march in a parade! I think I scored some points that meet and helped my team to a sizeable victory :)

Well, I have an hour before I leave, maybe 45 mintues because I have to stop and get gas, so I should wrap this up and go get dressed for the tea. Not sure what to wear really. Sophia is in a cute little skirt and top. She is cute in anything though!!

So, I have one sleeping baby, and one baby sitting next to me eating, then she will also be sleeping : )

Sophia requires sleep. She is a great and happy baby girl, if she has had proper sleep. LAst night, it was 8:30 when she went to bed. Today, it was just before 8 that she woke up. I think she only woke up because Caiden came and the dogs barked and there was noise in the house. Regardless, it was a good night sleep : )

Randy and I went out to dinner last night, but we probably wont go to that one again. We went to an A&W fast food store, and it was attached to a gas station/mini mart place. The service was really slow and the people that were there were very interesting. IT wasn't very clean lookign either. But, we ate and then, walked around Pamida just for something to do. Then we went home and relieved the babysitter. We just needed a chance to be together without Sophia, well, I needed a small break from her : )

Alright, need to get the little girl cleaned up so her toys dont get all messy from breakfast!

May 1

Sophia is now 13 months old. Hard to believe she is now not just a year, but a year and a month. When I first thought I was pregnant, or didn't know what was going on, it was such a feeling. I thought I was getting the flu. Ha... look at the flu now! she is supposed to be taking a nap and is screaming instead. which of course woke up Caiden, the little guy I am watching. So now, I have two crying babies, but I"m pretty sure they both will go back to sleep. maybe...

So, I am playing the waiting game. I want to be pregnant again, and I am now waiting to take a test. I am super crabby today and just in a blah sorta mood. I know the only thing I can control is my attitude, but I'm having a terrible time controlling it! I guess the thought of not beign pregnant, or worse, having another miscarriage, is making me be in a sour mood. I am so happy for my friends who are pregnant right now, but honestly, if I see one more commerical on tv or another teen girl at the mall walking around with a big ol' belly, I'll cry! I can't be one of those women who can't handle being around a preggo lady, or a newborn. It hurts, I"m not going to lie. I see ultrasound pictures and hear ladies talk about the weird cravings and I just want it to be me.

Thats where I am at. Wanting another baby but yet waiting. Sophia is so perfect and I love her so much. I'm so thankful to have such a beautiful daughter! She is learning so much and her words are starting to sound like something now! I talk to her constantly and watch how she tries to talk back to me. Its so great to see how she is trying! This morning she was sitting face to face to Caidan on the floor and seh was leaning in and looking at him in the face talking to him. Moving her little head with her words. Like, you know what I'm talking about buddy? It was adorable. ITs fun to see her interact with a little person. THe other children at the church are older, and wont sit and play with her like Caiden, who can't move, will do. Its great to watch.

Well, Caiden is awake and not sure he will go back to sleep. I need to go lay him back down. I'll keep you updated.

Today

So, today, what a day. I was supposed to watch Caiden, the little boy I watch two days a week. They called at 7:30... when they were to be dropping him off... to say they were taking him to the doctor because he was throwing up. I had him the day before and he seemed fine. I hope Sophia didn't give it to him, or get it from him! We'll see how that plays out.

I had a small flashback from my past tonight. I went to the invitational in town for track. Wow. I was getting nervous just watching all the girls warm up. I saw girls walking around as though they were the best and I saw girls walking around that were great runners who looked so calm and relaxed and ready to run. I was one of those girls. I had talent but I wasn't loud or annoying with it. I just did my job and let my running do all the talking for me. I saw the girls run the 4x1. I could just see Lindsay getting ready, getting down in the blocks and taking off... only to give me the baton for the back stretch.. I would pass off to Jill "stick!" I would yell and Jill would swing her hand back perfectly and take off. Mel would be the anchor leg... usually by that time we had a nice lead and Mel just made it bigger. We were the four blondes my junior and senior year who ran that relay. It was great. The handoffs tonight from what I saw were not that great. My coaches made a big deal about handoffs. If the baton slows down so does your time. It makes sense. Next year, I'll get my act together and help out with the team so I can be involved. Its in my blood. Its hard to get rid of it when itw as a part of me for so long!

So. Randy started his second job tonight. He is working 7-1. I feel bad making him not only work at the church, but pick up a second job. We got ourselves in a little credit trouble and him getting this job will really save us from deeper trouble. We have since stopped using those silly plastic things that cause damage : ) We are trying to be wise with what God has given us but we are human and want more. It's really silly if you think about... materialism that is. I work a few days a week, make a few dollars and now Randy is working a second job. He even picked up an application to work at McDonalds a few nights a week as well. We are serious about getting out of debt. I would go get a job but we have to consider the cost of childcare for Sophia. I am more valuable at home watching her than getting a job only so half my paycheck (or more) can pay her childcare. 3 more hours for him tonight. Not sure if I'll stay up for him or not. I may try but no guarantees!

Randy's grandma is in the hospital again. She had a stroke today. We were going to drive the 2 hours to go see her, but after talking with Randys aunt we decided to wait till tomorrow morning. Randys dad is driving up from Arkansas right now for the weekend. Even though its under yucky circumstances, it will be nice to see them for a day. We may go back down on Monday to spend more time. Randys cousin Lucy is also in town from Florida for a bit so we want to make sure we see her as well. Life can be so busy and if you dont make time to see family, you'll never see them. Everytime we see them we think, why dont we do this more often but the thing is, we just dont make time! Sad, but true. We say we will, but we get busy in our own stuff and forget. Shame on us!

Wow, this post is getting long. Not sure if anyone actually reads this, but its there for thsoe of you who find it interesting. I try to update and I am going to try harder now! Maybe I"ll post a few pictures as well tonight. I have some time. Sophia went to bed 20-30 minutes ago, and I have a efw hours left for myself.... hmm... what will I do?

A little trouble

So, I'm "working" today. I started watching a friends little boy a few weeks ago and its only two days a week, thursday and friday. Its great though because it gives me a little spending money as well as gives Sophia a chance to play with a little guy a few days a week. He is 7 months old, so about 5 1/2 months younger than Sophia.

I did the budget for next month and let me tell you, we could get ourselves in trouble if we are not careful. We have been so good, but lately we are starting to slip. Randy is starting a second job this weekend cleaning at night. Friday night he will work from 7-1 and then Saturday he will be working too, weather permitting because its mowing grass. I hate the thought of him working another job, but we do need the money. The church pays us great, but we need to put a new roof on the house this summer so a little extra money to pay for that would be great. I dont want to use credit to pay for it.

So, with both of us working a little to bring in some extra money hopefully the roof will get paid for quickly.

Sophia took her first tumble on the driveway yesterday. She usually will catch herself with her hands, but not yesterday. She went right down on her forehead. It is pretty high up so her hair covers it however it still looked painful and she still cried.

We went to a track meet yesterday. It was so fun. It was exciting too. The last race, the 1600 mile relay always was my favorite. Especially when it comes down to the last leg, the anchor. It took me back to my track days. I want to start running again and get back to that in shape girl I once was. I just find it really hard to get motivated when I dont have a reason. Its always a good idea to take care of yourself, but I dont have a team to let down. I guess I could look at my family as my team and try to keep in shape for them. I'll let you know it goes.

As time goes I start to want another baby more and more. I know God took my little one but I just wish I were pregnant again. I'm trusting God right now more than ever. I want to trust Him though in good and bad times. I struggle at times doing that, trusting Him in those good times when I think I dont need any extra help. Those are the times I need to be thanking Him and praising Him for His goodness!

Alright, Caiden, the little guy I watch, is in need of some attention. Not sure what he needs, but I'll figure it out : )

26.2

So I just talked to my sister and she wants to run a marathon, with me. She invited me to train and run with her November of 2009 in the outer banks nc. Hmm...

So, I think I want to do it. I have 18 months to train. Maybe I'll chicken out but I"ll keep you posted

Along time...

Ok, so I was going to stay up to this blog, but there is no guarantees. Sophia is now almost 11 months (on saturday). We are planning on having a small b-day party for her. Just probably my parents. They wont be here on the actual b-day, but maybe we'll do something special on the 1st and then something with my parents the weekend before : )

I just spend the weekend with my parents. I really enjoy spending time with them. They may not be perfect and sure they may not of had it all together when we were growing up, but they always did there best. They always provided food and we never were without food or clothes. They are great people. They love the Lord and always had us in church. They may not have all the answers to lifes problems, but they did there best. Watching them with my daughter helped me see what they could have been like with a small infant.

We bought a van today. Yup, a 2003 ford windstar. It is so nice, what a blessing!! I drove it for the first tiem and really like it. I prayed the whole way home and thanked God for providing such a nice van for an undeserving child!

what a blessing... a friend just called and she is going to come over and sit while I go to church so I dont have to take a sick baby out! God is so good... its unbelievable how much I take for granted and when I should be thanking HIM continuously for His goodness!

Gotta jet! Dirty kitchen and a not alot of time to clean!